we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "MEAT SPECIAL. NO SECRET VEGETARIAN SUBTEXT AT ALL." next issue » « previous issue This Week: * MEAT - Fertilised eggs * MORE MEAT - What does cat food taste like? * BONUS GRATIS MEAT - Cooking a pigs head ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Retro computing, Gay Trains, Mentalism & Cars >> Mental animation << Mutated Monty has been brightening up our image challenges for years now with his patented brand of mentalism. Recently he's been experimenting montaging his clips. Your brain will suffer. http://www.b3ta.com/links/cyriak_s_animation_mix >> The Gay Train << Remember MJ Hibbett and his Hey Hey 16k song? Well, the boy is back with a touching tune about getting mixed up with the gay pride festival on the London Underground. You Ginger Fuhrer is the bloke behind the camera, and he makes a sinister cameo towards the end. http://www.mjhibbett.net/gaytrain >> Computer game evolution << "Inspired by a ZX81 version of Donkey Kong", intones Monkeon, "I have made a small report to show how much games have evolved over the years." Personally we prefer the look of the stuff in the 80s, maybe we're just old cunts, but it just looks cooler. http://www.monkeon.co.uk/gameevolution/ >> Big car made of little cars << "Yo", barks James Robertford, "You've featured a couple of my projects before and thought this one might interest too - it's taken 3 years to complete and 4,500 toy cars and now I'm selling it on eBay!" Truly a thing of wonder. http://snipurl.com/ebaycar ------------------------------------------------- Two DJs are talking to each other, one says to the other "want to go and see a movie?" So the other replies "I don't know, who's the projectionist?" ------------------------------------------------- : MEAT CORNER What B3ta people have been eating this week >> Fertilised eggs << B3tard Balut is one a one man mission to eat the most disgusting food in the world. This week he's scoffing boiled fertilised duck eggs. Apparently considered a delicacy in Asia, but possibly it's just something they serve to gullible tourists. http://foodtube.livejournal.com/890.html >> Cat food << Ever wondered if cat food is tastier than dog food? JimmerUK has, and has put it to the test. Yep, he eats both and brings forth the results for the b3ta-reading public. The stinky-mouthed fool! http://www.jimmeruk.com/petfood.html >> Pigs head << Not to be outdone by people eating cat food and fertilised eggs, B3tas official chef Fraser has eaten a face made of pig. Grimmest bit? Removing the porcine earwax. http://www.blogjam.com/2006/10/11/head-cheese/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK Regrets & Road rage As we didn't run a newsletter last week, we've got a lot to get through. Two weeks ago we were wanted your biggest regrets. Stuff that caught our eye included: * WANKING SHAME "I download porn. And each time I tell myself I'll make a porn folder and keep the best ones on my computer. So I start downloading a few different ones. Then when the first one's downloaded I have a wank and immediately go 'oh, porn's a bit gross', and delete everything (including going into the recycle bin and deleting it from there). Then I regret that." (apeloverage) * LESBIAN PORN "I regret leaving 'What I'm listening to' on on MSN Messenger, installing the Winamp plugin and then watching lesbian porn movies." (wonderbrawl) * GAY BLOOD "I regret going to donate blood today. They told me they didn't want my gay blood. Then I was put on a database to ban me from ever donating in the UK. Then I had to sign a form to confirm I was gay, which will be forever held in an archive somewhere. It feels like I have a fucking criminal record." (StrongBad) And there's more where that came from. http://b3ta.com/questions/regrets/ We also asked about your Road Rage incidents, but frankly the newsletter is getting a bit long, so go and read them on the site. http://b3ta.com/questions/roadrage/ We're now after the most useless advice you've ever been told. http://b3ta.com/questions/uselessadvice/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Tim Westwood soundboard << Westwood is everyone's favourite bombastically cheesy hip hop DJ. Now you can, essentially, recreate his entire show with ths simple compilation of stock phrases and SFX. It reminds us scarily of those old Fluff Freemen and Tommy Vance rock extravaganzas. http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/westwood/soundboard.sh... >> "Fuck me for a fiver" << A smart bit of marketing by this prostitute; punters put a fiver each into the pot and the winner... well, you get the picture. http://www.adultwork.co.uk/ViewProfile.asp >> Tampon Shooter << Tampons: only really useful one week a month - so what to do the rest of the time. Why not make a fancy blowgun for slightly icky paintball fun? http://www.tamponcrafts.com/gun.html >> Lookalikes << Photographer Francois Brunelle has shot a series of portraits of north American and European lookalikes. It's interesting stuff; you wind up making up stories about why they look they way they do. http://haha.nu/amazing/im-not-a-look-a-like/ >> The best stuff in the world << Just exactly that - a big tiled blob of people's favourite things, as voted for by the site's users. This leads to the rather alarming situation where Chuck Norris looms significantly larger than sandwiches. http://www.thebeststuffintheworld.com/ >> Programmer's secret message << Ever wanted to convert a mySql db to Access or vice versa? Well, us neither. But sit through a minute of this demo and there's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it sign that whoever made it was as bored as you. Pay attention when it gets to the 'Customization' bit and read the available categories in the pulldown on the right. Naughty. http://www.data-conversions.net/flash/mycql_access... >> Land of Rape and Honey << Dramatic but not, perhaps, the most enticing tourist slogan. Nonetheless, that's what the Canadian town of Tisdale has plumped for. http://www.flickr.com/photos/navvywavvy/212052352/ >> Jesus in a dog's arse << Nicely done bit of photoshoppery, creating a simulacrum of the Lamb of God from the puckered anus of three-year-old terrier Angus McDougall. There's the odd smile to be had from the comments section too. http://snipurl.com/xddh ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Pugs Possibly the best collection of pug photos in the world ever. Despite the fact that we think dogs are shit, even we thought this lot were cute. http://www.funpic.hu/funblog/pugs/pugs.html ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO $1.65 billion for YouTube, where's our cut? >> Should I stay or should I go? << UK politics cut-up with Tony Blair giving a convincing rendition of the Clash classic to an appreciative Gordon Brown and David Cameron. Very pleasingly edited and - oooh, topical! http://snipurl.com/fuckingbrilliant >> Nigerian midgets get hassled << We almost started thinking this was a spoof, it's just so peculiar. Midgets in Nigeria fight to overcome prejudice against them and fear of their supernatural powers by making socially conscious films. In 'Nollywood'. Huh? http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Model to billboard in 60 seconds << Speeded-up footage showing the process of making a beauty product poster, from photoshoot to the final billboard result. Amazing, the amount of work that goes into it. Also, speeded-up film is funny. Hehe. It's a viral-schmiral for something, but who gives a shit? http://snipurl.com/betteradthanmost >> 'A picture a day' spoof << Taking a picture a day and then bunging them all together in a video has been something of an internet craze lately - usually with pretty mournful results. This spoof raised a smile with the main guy's constantly switching enthusiasms.. http://www.oldeenglish.org/podcast/one-picture-eve... >> Battle of the bands << Violence erupts between some of the best album covers of all time in this clever animated short. http://motionographer.com/media/battle_adbands-w.m... ------------------------------------------------- : ASK THE B3TARDS For when Google can't help >> Tickling kittens << Last we we asked why cats go mental if your scratch the base of their spines. Kreniigh writes - "My friends have 3 cats, and while one of them gets violent when scratched at the base of the tail, the other two like it. Since the two that like it are spayed males, and the violent one is a female, it must be something like a prostate massage. No wonder most cats are touchy about it!" ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the last two challenges Last week we asked you to show us how superheroes might cope with old age. Your favourites included: * BOWEL MOVEMENTS - Superman turns the increasing unreliability of his digestive tract to his advantage (mutated monty) * ALZHEIMERS - That's the problem with old age: all that wisdom, and errr... where was I again? (Leningrad) * AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! - In which Marvel Comics' most popular team of Superheroes gather for one last job. (FoldsFive) All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/old_superheroes/ Two weeks ago we wanted to know how aliens would cope when faced with everyday life on Earth. Your favourites included: * FRISBEE - Dog + Spaceship = Frisbee Magic (timpractical) * CAT ARMY - a rare insight into the secret feline plot to bring the human race to heal (mofaha) * TESCO VALUE - Captain Kirk would embrace that famous blue and white stripes (Damocles) All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/aliens/ >> New challenge: Celebrity Death << Which celebrity would you most like to see dead? And more importantly, how? Michael Winner, perhaps? Cheesegrated into an early grave? Show us the glorious, appropiate deaths of the rich and famous... Challenge suggested by Afinkawan http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/celebrity_death/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * CASSETTEBOY CREDIT, "Thanks to the B3TA newsletter", writes Mike Cassette, "I have just listened to Harry Potter And The Underage Blow Job. This piece of audio was made by Cassetteboy. I am aware of it because I am one half of Cassetteboy, the half who spent hours trying to make Stephen Fry say 'Blow Job' in fact." Oops, so big yays to Mr Tapey, and we hope we hear more great work from you in the future. * MUSHROOMS YAY - "Thanks for putting up that nice lil shroom map", mongs SirLollyPork, "As its saved me a long trek through the country when it all it took was a trip up the road." http://shroomr.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * BRANDWAGONING - notice how all these Web 2.0 sites look the same? Why not run all their logos together set to the old Cure song with the words, "It's finally happened, they're finally all the same, 'cause everybody is jumping everybody else's train." We'd like it anyway. * SAUSAGE ART - can you make the Mona Lisa entirely out of sausages? We bet you can. * ZX81 DRAW - make an online drawing package which only uses the old Sinclair character set. For extra points, let everyone paint simultaneously like drawball.com Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by flurokitty, Mushroom gfreeman, Kundalini, Glenn D'Jackson. Top Tippery by Clairebare. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Murders! Wash your blood stained clothes in cold water, as hot water makes the blood stick. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive