we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: B3TA BEST OF THE YEAR... SO FAR next issue » « previous issue This Week: * LINKS - Best B3ta stuff of 2006 so far... * QUESTION - DIY Fashion Disasters * IMAGE CHALLENGE - Demotivational Posters ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : SUMMER HOLIDAYS Ginger Fuhrer's mountain retreat It's that time of the year again when your red-haired umlaut retires from his complex of subterranean rooms and takes Eva and the microfuhrer to the Berghof. Hence, we bring you a 'summer best of' featuring all the bestest stuff made by B3ta people since last Christmas. Normal service will resume next week. ------------------------------------------------- : BEST PROJECTS As made by B3tards >> Blackmail Web 2.0 thingie << Tedious barks, "It's been a while since I've made anything, but I'm quite proud of this one. It's what Flickr would be like if Flickr was run by evil Eastern Bloc Mafia." We tried to encourage Tedious to make this for real, instead of it just being a joke, but he was having none of it. Spoilsport. http://www.extortr.com/ >> Sketch swap << Simple, sweet idea - draw a little picture, press the button and you get to see someone else's drawing, while yours gets shown to another contributor later. Maybe you get a crudely-drawn cock, maybe a little masterpiece. Simple, as we said, but rather addictive. Kudos to Philipp Lenssen and partner-in-crime Dominik Schmid. http://www.sketchswap.com >> Question Swap << Inspired by the previous item, phantomboner has made Question Swap - ask any question you like, then answer someone else's. In short order you'll receive your own answer from a random stranger. We found it particularly useful for medical advice. http://www.questionswap.com/featured.asp >> Kitten-based security: Geeks only << You know those annoying "type this phrase into the box" authentication things you get when you sign up for a website? They're there to stop spammers abusing nice sites like ours. Podgey22 has come up with a fantastic alternative: get people to identify kittens. It's actually a small stroke of genius - a challenge that machines find hard, people find easy and best of all, it's kinda fun. http://www.thepcspy.com/kittenauthtest >> Sickipedia << Whilst in the process of putting the B3ta Sick Joke Book together, your ginger fuhrer had a thought, "If anyone actually buys this book, then I'll probably get crap jokes sent to me until the day I die. Er.. Maybe I should set up a website where people can submit material without it having to go through my inbox? A wiki, like Wikipedia should do it, wiki... sicki... SICKIPEDIA!" http://www.sickipedia.org ------------------------------------------------- : BEST COOKING Yep, as made by B3tards >> Pepto-bismol ice cream << Big food guru Fraser generally cures his daily hangovers with a combination of ice cream and Pepto-bismol. Realising he might be on to something, he's sought to combine the two products into one tasty treat. BTW: This is directly against the advice printed on the Pepto bottle, "Do not freeze." http://www.blogjam.com/2006/07/20/pepto-bismol-ice... >> Knob casting << Men - Sundaeg1rl wanted your cock. She's making busts of penises and would like to make a plaster cast of your cyclopean chum. "Don't be scared!" she trilled. "I'm really very gentle." Then she turned them into chocolate... http://bcccastingcouch.blogspot.com/ >> Never let a vegan cook << "Look look look look look what I've done!" trills Comma, "I've made a giant vegan Jaffa Cake, aren't I great?" Ah. Um. Actually, this looks kind of revolting and we're very glad you're not cooking our dinner tonight. http://www.ayliff.freeserve.co.uk/sarah/jaffacake.... ------------------------------------------------- : BEST VIDS Unsurprisingly, as made by B3tards >> Arson Sam << Genius idea here. John1024 has taken the children’s TV show Fireman Sam and played it backwards so that Sam starts fires. He writes - "it's the Welsh Mafia in action in Pontypandy with Sam turning in to a right little arsonist." It's the subtitles that make it - we were crying with laughter. http://snipurl.com/arsonsam >> Pepsi vs Mentos << "After seeing all these exploding Pepsi bottles with Mentos videos", splurts Davideo, "I wondered if its actually possible to mix the ingredients internally and jump up and down." Check the results, we suspect this will go down well on the web, not just because it's a nice simple joke, but because it's performed by an attractive woman in a low cut top. (And we've just trebled the clicks by writing that.) http://www.davideodesign.co.uk/pepsigirl.htm >> Derek & Clive chimps << It's the classic Peter Cooke and Dudley Moore sketch about Jayne Seymour's bum-lobsters, but dubbed onto chimps by CCC. It's great, like the ad campaign PG Tips should have run... NSFW if you object to monkeys saying "fuck." http://www.youtube.com/watch >> No props sci-fi << "My brother and I made this film," confides Mechalex. "We wanted to dump all the boring stuff like props, sets, costumes and dialogue in favour of shooting things, blowing stuff up and robots." Starts slow, excellent when it kicks off. The bloke in a hoody pretending to be robotic is the funniest thing we've seen this week. http://www.diecastfilms.co.uk/ ------------------------------------------------- : BEST ANIMATION Fuck me, more stuff from the B3tards >> Rolf Harris, King of Wankers << "I recently got the 'Definitive Rolf Harris' album and it was worth the download", recommends Fantastical monkey, "and this is the result of listening to it." He also claims it's got a great ending, but we laughed so much at the intro we never got that far. http://www.fantasticalmonkey.co.uk/Rolf/rolf.html >> Kurt Kobain in 10 seconds << Mushybees - who for our money is always at his best when being wildly offensive - has produced a short little video telling the story of the doomed singer from Nirvana. BTW: If he had lived he would be 40 this year. Kurt we mean, and not Mushybees, who like everyone on B3ta is a child prodigy and aged about eight. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1808 >> 'Internet outrage' animation << Eclectech has put some nice visuals on a DogHorse and Miss Prism track about how the web is full of EVIL PREDATORS and no-one should go online ever. Good recreation of the viewpoint of an ill-informed right-wing newspaper. Now with a foppish sheep wearing an unfeasibly large bow tie. Great song though. http://eclectech.co.uk/dailymailpicnic.php >> Jonti eats crabs << Jonti has written one of his song loops about shoving crustaceans in his mouth. He claims, "It was about George Bush to begin with but the missus pointed out that I'm shit at politics." We like it for the blood. http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/crabs/ >> Beastenders << Mutated Monty is pushing the cut up photoshop flash stuff forwards with his disturbing take on UK soap Eastenders. Really worth a look, the visual style will soon be ripped off by TV ads. http://b3ta.com/links/Beastenders >> Record store cats << C_kick is a blokey on our board who has spent the last few months photoshopping cats enjoying their favourite tunes. They've been turning up in emails, been synced to videos on YouTube and the other day we got an email from a mobile phone company asking for the rights to flog them. We forwarded the note and we got the reply, "Another proposal.. ha ha. That would be the tenth.. I'm currently finishing up a deal with biggest fish out there." Anyway, if you haven't caught them yet, you are in for a small but perfectly formed treat: http://b3ta.hnldesign.nl/rsc/ ------------------------------------------------- : BEST GAMES Altogether now, "As made by B3tards" >> Dive-bomb your office << Great idea: using satellite photography, caz's site lets you fly a small plane over your native city. When you find your office you can shoot it or fly into the side of the building. We'd love it more if it had big bombs too, multiplayer option so you could dogfight with other players and an autopilot option that let you set a course by typing in a postcode. But still, excellent stuff. BTW: Someone give this guy a job, he's looking for one. http://www.isoma.net/games/goggles.html >> Sprouts are evil << Official b3ta brother Duncan Manuel used to liven up dinner time with his reworking of the Tears For Fears hit, Shout. "Sprouts! Sprouts! Puke them all out! This is the veg we can do without!" So imagine our joy when Eyegas got in touch with an almost identical idea. Eyegas wins though, as he's turned the whole thing into a fantastic vegetable bashing game that made us yelp, "Fucking hell. This is fantastic!" http://www.eyegas.com/xmas05/ >> Milk the giraffe << Meanwhile, in another part of the world, Matazone has been labouring mightily and the fruits of his crafting is truly, in his words, "the best giraffe-milking game that you've ever played." Uncannily realistic. For all we know. http://www.matazone.co.uk/animpages/gm/giraffe-mil... >> Finger Fandango << Think you're pretty hot stuff with the touch typing? Have a bash at Steff's Finger Fandango. Essentially the same deal as DDR - hit the right key on the keyboard at the right time and get the right result. http://www.h4sh.com/FingerFandango ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK DIY fashion disasters We wanted the clothes you'd made to look cool that in hindsight weren't such a good idea. Some of you brave people have posted photos, so go look, point and laugh: http://b3ta.com/questions/diyfashion/ * ACCESSORIES ARE ESSENTIAL "Accessories are what fashion is all about: like the stuffed toy parrot I sewed onto my shoulder as a child in order to gain extra pirate respect points off my friends. Needless to say I now have no friends." (davidblunkettsdogblankets) * I'M A BIG, PINK FACED TRANNY "Age 20-odd I went to an indie night at Wigan Pier. Me and my pals were going through a bit of a Barbarella phase, so we thought it'd be a great laugh to go dressed in a futuristic spacey agey way. I'd just reached a shade over six foot tall. However, the rest of me hadn't caught up: I was incredibly thin and had absolutely no tits. Think slightly startled anorexic giraffe. So I dressed myself in a rather fetching tiny silver minidress and silver platform knee high boots. I then hit on the idea of dying my very short, scruffy blonde hair candy pink. Some metallic jewellery and voila! Instant cool. Had a cracking night, danced my little socks off in a hot and sweaty club. After an hour or so, my mate tells me to go look in the mirror. I go to the loo to discover that the heat and the sweat have made my hair dye run. All over my face. And it's showing no signs of shifting. But that wasn't the worst bit: oh no. As I leave the toilet to go home, a bouncer comes over, "Oi, sunshine, none of you pervy types in here, next time use the gents like the rest of the blokes." Yup, he thought I was a tranny. A big, pink faced tranny. I bought a Wonderbra after that." (Rakky) * CROSS-DRESSING GOT ME SACKED "I'm in a very long distance relationship; my lovely lady flies over to visit a couple of times a year from Tokyo. I miss her terribly when she's gone. Once she left one of her skirts behind and a mixture of curiosity and loneliness convinced me it'd be a good idea to wear it to work. Here's me at Scottish Gas HQ, just before my attire was deemed inappropriate and I was sacked:" (r3c^) http://www.vacant-cs.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/11422957... >> This Week's Question << Ever been banned from somewhere? Still smarting about it? Join the rest of the world here: http://b3ta.com/questions/barred/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Predator vs Prey Challenge Last week we wanted to know what life would be like if the law of the jungle were reversed. Your favourites included: * PUMPKIN - Halloween will never be the same again if this terrifying vision of the future comes to pass. (mofaha) * INDIANA JONES - The Temple Of Doom is revisited as Indy ends up a pawn in the ongoing axis of evil negotiations. (frogdoctor) * HEDGEHOG - A thousand years of Hedgehog torment ended in a single, triumphant moment. (Caustic Armadillo) All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/predator_vs_prey/ >> New challenge: Demotivational Posters << Yep, we've all seen posters like these in the shops, but we're positive that b3tards can bring their unique brand of spazdom to the concept. So fire up Photoshop, get googling for images, and show us the results... http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/demotivational_poste... >> Your challenge ideas << We want your image challenge ideas. Then we want you to vote on the challenges suggested by other people. It's easy. http://www.b3ta.com/questions/imagechallenge/ ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. However, whilst the cat is away, the mice are playing. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. 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