we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "HORRID LINKS, TORRID TALES, FLORID PROSE" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * VID - World's Biggest Dominoes? * STORIES - "I hurt my rude bits" * FUNNY NAMES AGAIN - This one's a goatse! ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Legs, Chimes and Kittens >> Bored Leg Cult << Your Ginger Fuhrer was stuck in an office this week and, whilst waiting for someone to come out of a meeting, a stranger sent him a photo of his leg. "Odd", he thought, "My dad only sent me a photo of his leg yesterday." And lo, the most pointless photo cult was born. And here's the spiel: have you got legs? Are you bored? Join the Bored Leg Cult and never be bored again. WARNING: There's a small chance the Bored Leg Cult might not cure boredom. http://www.flickr.com/groups/bored_leg_cult/pool/ >> Big Ben strikes thirteen << "CaroWallis and I made Big Ben strike thirteen," boasts Curis,"and what's more we chronicled this for the world to see." Heh, we enjoyed this bit of investigative science. At nine minutes it's a little long though. You might want to get a cup of tea first. http://caroandcuris.blogspot.com/ >> Inappropriate kitten neutering ad << It must be fun working for an ad agency in New Zealand, they clearly care not for the feelings of the public. Hence this kitty fiddling poster. (Thanks to NZ correspondent Ana Samways for spotting it.) http://www.spareroom.co.nz/2006/07/07/spcas-bad-ta... ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Lies I told on my CV Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes and lies into one handy place on the interweb. Last week we asked about your resume fibs: http://www.b3ta.com/questions/liesonmycv/ * INVENTIVE "I have had the pleasure of giving a job to one of the most inventive guys I've ever met. The interview went really well, we got on like a house on fire, and he had good abilities and knowledge. Amongst his many interesting jobs, one was simply noted as 'Marine Coating and Heating Technician'. With mental pictures of clever boat power-systems and oil rig designs, I asked for more details. He smiled and said 'Summer job at the local Chippy.'" (Humpty Dumpty was Pushed) * BAD LUCK "I occasionally have to do the technical interviews for people who want to come and work with whatever company I'm at, so I see a lot of CVs. Sadly, I've yet to meet a boss who'll take any notice of my suggestion that we should randomly split the pile of CVs into two equal piles and throw one pile in the bin so that: 'We don't employ any unlucky people by accident.' BTW: We think we heard this story before in the the TV show The Office. But hey, it's funny so we're printing it anyway. (Legless) * PORK "I was interviewing a bloke once and asked him what his weaknesses were. 'Pork Products.' he replied, 'and women with big arses'" Yes, but did he get the job? (Captain Haddock) >> This Week's Question << We'd like you to tell us about hurting your rude bits: quims, cocks and bums, it's all going to be good. http://www.b3ta.com/questions/ihurtmyrudebits/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Worst theme park ever II << Last week we linked up a particularly grim theme park in Egypt. Not to be outdone, Jack_dougherty informs us of this place in Japan. It's abandoned rather than just crap, but the photos have a lovely, spooky quality. TIP: Are you a pop video director? It would make a great place for a shoot. http://home.f01.itscom.net/spiral/t_rando/t_rando1... >> Loo paper advert << Toilet paper adverts are often so coy about the product - it's for wiping up shit, not the cute adventures of a playful puppy. Nice to see this ad making a joke of all the euphemisms for taking a dump. How many can you get? http://www.alittlebitrude.co.uk/ >> Image trolling << Drawball is a cute site where random punters can spend their time drawing on a ball - but the thing is, anyone else can doodle on the same bit of 'canvas' at the same time. Enjoyed this one: blokey attempts to draw a dragon whilst another blokey keeps adding cocks, lols and googly eyes. http://best.drawball.com/1145334330 >> Kiddie bum play << OLD JOKE: "What do you call a paedophile pirate? Arr Kelly." Which nicely leads us to this story of an 8 year old boy who inserted a pirate ship up his arse. http://snipurl.com/ahhhkelly >> Loco Roco racist? << Gamers across the country have welcomed the release of Loco Roco. It's the first game for the PSP that's actually showing a bit of competition for the Nintendo DS. But we don't care about that! We care that someone is kicking up a negative PR stink that the game is perpetuating racist stereotypes. Obviously bollocks of course, but it hasn't stopped loads of people linking to it. Heh. http://snipurl.com/locorocoracist ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO >> House of dominoes << Remember Blue Peter in the 80s? If they weren't starring in porn, dying of AIDS or having bastard children, the presenters were reporting on 'the biggest dominoes ever.' Respect to these chaps who go one louder by using CD cases, lighters and VHS cassettes, all carefully positioned around the house. This is art, motherfucker. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Ham slapping << Oh to be a pretty young lady. Whatever you do, if you film yourself you'll have an audience. Especially if you slap yourself with ham and stick gooseberries on your head. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Kodak goatse << Our first goatse of the week is this fine re-edit of a Kodak commercial. Simple gag and pleasing to watch. Depending on how 'pleasing' you find goatse, of course. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Misheard lyrics part 47 << Being old cunts we care not a jot for contemporary pop music, and so you might think a misheard lyric for metalcorers (thank you Wikipedia) Trivium wouldn't tickle our pickle. However, it's the stupidity of the words that appeals to us. All together now, "Boat! Rudder! Lime!" http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Something else from that Rejected bloke << Keen webtwats will remember Don Hertzfeldt's fantastic 'Rejected' animation. We've only just noticed this other one featuring a very evil balloon. Reminds us of Albert Lamorisse's 1955 short, The Red Balloon. But nastier. http://youtube.com/watch >> Japanese toilet training video << Complete with a half-naked tiger toddler, shit with a human face and a catchy tune. It's the anthropomorphisation of poo that bugs us. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Wrong. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Yay for Germans << At risk of turning into a version of Tarrant on TV with bad jpeg artefacts, here's our second amusing advert of the week. Nice little gag so yay for that. http://www.bestadsontv.com/ad_details.php ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Goaste, a joke that keeps on giving "Recently I was doing some research for work and stumbled upon a horrid domain name," burbles sarahmeharg, "I bet their web designers had quite a giggle over this one!" It took us a second to get this. To spell it out for the slow people at the back, Go ATC = goatse. Amused us anyway. http://www.goatc.com ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Memory thingie Can you remember all the spots? We couldn't because we're thick and dribble quite a lot. http://www.robotubegames.com/games/zyrx.swf ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Future Of Reality TV Challenge Last week we asked you to show us the Reality TV shows clogging up next year's schedules. You did just that. Your favourites included: * I'M A CELIBATE, GET ME OUT OF HERE - The Catholic Church has much to gain my making sure this congregation-attracting concept gets off the ground. (Nitrous) * CAKE OR DEATH - Does exactly what it says on the cake tin. (Butters) * BLAINE ABSTAINS - We can only hope that this new vehicle for the bug-eyed man of magic becomes a reality. (Pachey) All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/realitytv/ >> New challenge: If Emo Ruled The World << If ever a musical movement deserved to be mocked, it's Emo, refuge of the desperate, the lonely, and the emotionally unstable. Even the bands are shite. So let's imagine for a moment that Emo rules the world, and picture the results... http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/emo/ >> Your challenge ideas << We want your image challenge ideas. Then we want you to vote on the challenges suggested by other people. It's easy. http://www.b3ta.com/questions/imagechallenge/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * ADEZ - looks like more than just us think their product name is foolish. Brent has been checking their messageboard and reports the following gems: # I'm finding it hard to get Adez. The man in my local shop doesn't have it. I think he might have it soon, though, as I saw him with another man not long ago. So hopefully I'll have it as well in a little while! # I love Adez! I was the first person to get Adez, and I loved it so much, I gave it to all my friends. I even gave Adez to my sister. Now, she gives Adez to all her friends too!” # I missed your promo in Southampton - can I catch AdeZ in any other cities in the UK? * HAIR/SOLDER TIP - r_taylor_85 squeals, "A few newsletters ago you said that if you burned yourself with a soldering iron and you touched your hair really fast, the heat would dissipate and leave you pain-free! Frying an egg a few days back, I got splashed with hot oil and decided now would be the best time to test that out. I grabbed my hair and lo and behold, no pain! The method works and has enriched my life." Yay. We're not there just for photos of kittens and shit jokes about cocks you know. * PAPER CLIP BLOKE GETS HOUSE - as reported by every newspaper on the planet, even the official B3ta dad called us up and told us about it. http://snipurl.com/papercliphousewinner ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * BIGGEST SNOT-BALL IN THE WORLD - can you collect and roll your greenies for a month? How big can you make it? * PINT OF SPIT - how long would it take you to fill a pint by spitting in it? No cheating by drinking water and dripping it back into the glass. * CAN YOU LICK YOUR ELBOW WHILST PATTING YOUR HEAD? Best tried in company. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by mickeyjuice12, FishNChimps, Zoo, spunkbasket3000, emoinferno, chriswh2705, boldswede, bathorycountess, A-sen, smirt, andrea and kingjay. Top Tippery by googling "toothpaste tips" Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Nods to b4ta. (109535) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: A little toothpaste does an amazing job of removing scuffs from leather shoes. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive