we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "NO WANKING IN THE SHOWERS" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * TOY - Swap your drawings with others * COKE - How much does your MP love it? * PASTA SHAPES QUIZ - Can you tell what they are? ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1 Drawings, Coke v Pepsi, Dukes of Hazard & Blair >> Sketch swap << Simple, sweet idea - draw a little picture, press the button and you get to see someone else's drawing, while yours gets shown to another contributor later. Maybe you get a crudely-drawn cock, maybe a little masterpiece. Simple, as we said, but rather addictive. Kudos to Philipp Lenssen and partner-in-crime Dominik Schmid. http://www.sketchswap.com >> MPs' Coke habits revealed! << If you've ever wondered whether your Member of Parliament prefers Coca Cola or Pepsi, then perhaps Psythor's informal survey will prove enlightening. Interestingly, eight out of ten MPs who expressed a preference said they liked Coke the best - making the House of Commons a staunch stronghold of the best-selling brown beverage. http://jamesomalley.co.uk/blog/ >> Mosaicing the General Lee << James Ford needs your help. "I'm trying to replicate the General Lee, using thousands of toy cars and an old Ford Capri - so I'm taking donations of toy cars from the generous public." It's an interesting effect he's got going on: from a distance reminiscent of the Pointillist masters, such as Georges Seurat; get close up and it looks like a big fuck-off traffic jam. http://www.generalcarbuncle.com >> Tony Blair the Euro Snail << "Here you go :¬)" says Andy Foulds. And well he might - he's made a strange, snail-like Tony Blair as one of those freaky-looking Flash things that follow your mouse. In this case he's following a little letter E - see how far you can make his eyes bulge out. http://www.andyfoulds.co.uk/experiments/snail_blai... ------------------------------------------------- : SPONSORED LINK England are ready, are you? Get 6 nations fan training here http://snipurl.com/englandvideo ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK 1 Google Ruined My Life We asked if your computer's web cache had ever revealed more than you wished. Standing out proudly from all the people who'd discovered their parents' porn collections was Naive Amoeba's list of search terms his 12 year old nephew had used. Why he needed to Google "Maggie Simpson with bum out" and "coming out poo" is keeping us awake at night: http://b3ta.com/questions/googleruinedmylife/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> No wanking in the showers << "This is a message from the Estates Department at Durham University", informs Quin Parker, "regarding showers in one of the colleges." Heh. Reminds us of being students and finding one of our flatmates was crapping in the shower. All because the toilet was blocked - the dirty bastard. http://www.b3ta.com/links/59 >> Tom Baker says << Flurble writes - "As you perhaps know, one-time Doctor Who Tom Baker now reads the SMS messages if you're daft enough to txt to a BT landline. This site was made by a friend of mine, and in my not-so-humble opinion, is a work of pure genius." Heh. We particularly enjoyed Tom reading the movie quotes. http://www.tombakersays.co.uk/ >> Flying pig experiment << Odd little photo story here. No idea if it's true of not. It's certainly mental and worth a look. http://snipurl.com/flyingpigs >> Sonic the Hedgehog: on the piano << Remember that link that did the rounds of a blind-folded Asian bloke playing Mario on the piano. This guy has taken the same idea but used the music to Sonic instead. Loving it because we'd forgotten how much we liked the tune. And musical Asians give us the horn. http://b3ta.com/links/400 >> Google maps fun << We've all seen Google Earth by now, their fantastic site where you can zoom in on most bits of the planet via satellite photos. The recent has been people finding oddities, we've seen buildings shaped like swastikas, strange black squares in Russia which some believe to be evidence of evil conspiracy and even shots of Area 51, where NASA keeps all their secret alien technology. Our favourite this week is a photo that TheCastrator calls, "Genius! A big 'FUCK' in a field. And what looks like "EDDIE", but that's not nearly as naughty." Actually. There's an idea for marketing people here. Make a huge landmass mural to your product and wait for the satellites to photograph it. Your message will be seen by millions. http://snipurl.com/mfbb >> "Fuck the shit" << Catchy song; satisfying lyric; way, way Not Safe For Work. We don't know who these repulsive eighties-style rockers are, but they exude a strange fascination on our fragile minds. http://www.break.com/index/fucktheshit.html >> Evil dad << Some bloke videoed his son falling for the 'Scary maze flash game' screamer. You do have to wonder what kind of father would traumatise his children that way - couldn't help but laugh though. And then felt very very guilty. http://b3ta.com/links/272 ------------------------------------------------- : FILTHY MARKETING OF THE WEEK Weinerwhistle Blow through the hole in the end of your little sausage, moving your fingers to modulate the sound. Look at the diagrams. It's so screamingly phallic they had to have known. Surely. Whatever, it's not selling us hot dog sausages. http://www.kraftfoods.com/om/bn/c_Games/games_Whis... ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2 Cuteness, Pasta quiz, Toilet eBay, joke machine >> The tale of Plob << "I made this!" cries Strawberry Dragon. It's the story of a nice man named Plob who lived a long time ago and wrote a special book. And if that sounds familiar, well, it's all in your head we're sure. Cute, childlike drawings and a charmingly simple story make this a winner. http://www.strawberrydragon.com/junk/story.html >> 'Name that pasta' quiz << We've all been tempted by the lure of novelty pasta. But you always know you're going to be disappointed by the contents' lack of even vague resemblance to anything pictured on the tin. Fuelled by such disappointments, Monkeon has made this surprisingly challenging quiz. Can you tell what the pasta is supposed to be? http://www.monkeon.co.uk/pasta >> "Buy my supersonic toilet" << We've featured quite a lot of peculiar eBay auctions, so why not one more? Billfredo is selling a "totally awesome Concorde crapper", which is to say, one of toilets that used to equip the bathrooms of the famed faster-than-sound jet cruiser. Enjoy the man's write-up - he's an unashamed punster. http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll >> Random offensive joke generator << 'What's the difference between acne and a pedophile?' and the leper says 'An erection' It's not so much that the random 'jokes' made by Gilgamesh's generator are hilariously funny. More that they are quite likely to offend all kinds of people. Grand. http://kineticnorth.com/RandomJoke/ ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Double pup special >> Puppy monorail << We've got an architect friend and if there's one word we can say to wind him up, it's 'monorail'. Apparently they're 'follies, a waste of money, and a really shit form of transport that inexplicably everyone thinks are cool." Wonder what he'll make of this puppy monorail? Suspect a stiff letter of complaint to the Design Council. http://www.monorails.org/tMspages/PuppyMover.html >> Yorkshire terrier pups << Check out these four-day-old doggy babies. They're like furry little beanbags with tiny paws and tails. http://www.rnicrosoft.co.uk/pups/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK 2 Accidentally Erotic Ever found yourself aroused in the wrong situation? It seems that it's mostly a bloke problem, if only because they find it much harder to cover up. http://b3ta.com/questions/accidentallyerotic/ Here's three blokes coming to terms with themselves: * Accidental erection "I am an invalid and damn proud of it. I can't move or feel anything beneath my head. A month after I broke my neck, I had just woken up from coma and the sexiest nurse in the whole hospital was going to give me a sponge bath. Needless to say my body reacts without my permission and accomplishes a nice erection. The nurse is really happy and shouts out "Hooray, at least you can move something, aren't you happy!?!" I was not happy...(gremme) * White Goods "I had a roommate I was absolutely in love with, a beautiful petite blonde girl. Sadly, my other roommate was her boyfriend. Anyway, I was reading one night when I heard a thumping. I started listening closer, turned on. I'm not sure exactly when I realized it was the washing machine imbalanced. It's so very sad to have been aroused by an inanimate object." (mikebaja) * Reassuring Hugs of Embarrassment "For some reason, whenever I give a female person in distress a comforting hug, I always get the horn. I don't know whether it's the touching or their vulnerability, but I've mastered the art of hugging with only the top half of my body so as not to accidentally prod them..." (Plyck) >> This Week's Question << Were you exploited as a child, paid peanuts to deliver papers, clean chimneys, sell your body? Talk to us here: http://b3ta.com/questions/childlabour/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the 'Switching Movie Directors' Challenge Last week we wanted to see what would happen if you put movie directors in charge of films entirely unsuited to their style. Our favourites included: * KILL BEAKER - Jim Henson doing Tarantino is something that cries out to be made. Especially in the real world. (stefd) * LION - Brilliantly imagined, nicely subtle advert for a Luc Besson classic remade in the style of Disney. (The Figurative Pineapple) * E.T. - More French cinema stylee as Jean-Luc Goddard deconstructs one of Spielberg's finer moments. (jim_eureka) All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/moviedirectors/ >> New challenge: Offensive in 5K << Geeks used to compete against each other to produce websites using less than 5k of data. Now we want images produced to the same guidelines - less than 5k - but they must be as offensive as possible. Extra points for NOT using text, i.e. writing 'cunt' in flashing letters isn't going to impress us much. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/offensivein5k/ >> Your challenge ideas << We'd like you to suggest a challenge, and vote on the ideas suggested by others. http://www.b3ta.com/questions/imagechallenge/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * JOEL'S CAT HAS GOT KNEES - "Regarding the latest newsletter," begins heartshapedbox. "I'm a second year vet student and I would like to let you know that cats do have knees! Well, it's called a stifle, but it's the exact same structure as our knees, and on their hind-leg, kneecaps and all!" Huzzah for Science! * WINNER OR SINNER NOT IN SYDNEY - the photo we linked to last week of the Oxford Street Winner or Sinner guy's Antipodean jaunt was actually taken outside Flinders Street Station - nowhere near Sydney at all. Thanks Rosalita for setting us right. We are duly chastened. ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Obsessive-Compulsive game Straightening cutlery and cleaning up messes are very much the order of the day in this multi-level game based on mentally-ill TV detective Monk. And surprisingly satisfying it all is too. Perhaps enough that we might give the housework a quick spin after this. Perhaps not though. http://snipurl.com/monkgame ------------------------------------------------- : SPOTTED! B3ta in 'News of the World' As you all know, the b3ta website has a band of photoshoppers who enjoy making pictures, some of them even get emailed round the world and end-up in the papers. Maybe we should start cataloging when this happens? Here goes. http://www.b3ta.com/board/5649571 Seen a B3ta image in the papers? Tell us, using internet magic. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * PEOPLE TO STOP EMAILING IN - when they type a few words from 'start in next week's issue' into Google and find something vaguely similar from years ago. Gah, you cheeky monkeys. * INTERNET FAIRIES TO MAKE BANDWIDTH FREE - YouTube, Google Video and Flickr are great for sharing your videos and photos, and crucially being able to hotlink them from inside your own sides, but what about MP3s and flash stuff etc? Yeah there's some smallish hosting sites, but we want a big player with oodles of bandwidth. * BETTER VEGETARIAN FOOD IN POSH RESTUARANTS - why is it only cheapo places that server a reasonable selection of vegetarian food? Go somewhere posh and you're stuck with some crap like a pepper stuffed with rice. Oh we are so bourgeois. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by Steef, stevemck, sorinbanu, j.churosh & Dobsky. Top Tippery by sosumi. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Respect to the lovely b4ta peeps. (107710 - 33354) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: If you like to watch DVDs in a darkened room and it's hard to find the right buttons on the remote, put a drop from a hot glue gun on the ones you use most. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive