we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "BLAIR - BUSH SWEARING COMPETITION" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * ANIM - It's a cow in a tree * VIDEO - Biggest zit in the world * PICS - How Germans make babies ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Cows, Eggs and Leo Blair >> Cow in a tree << Well done to giant_squid for this charmingly surreal animation and song all about finding a cow up a tree. He's got a great visual stylee thing going on - really ambitious, but done in a very simple way. http://www.nottingham.ac.uk/~pcxee/cow_flash.htm >> Sucking eggs << JimmerUK is testing aphorisms and this week it is "teaching your grandmother to such eggs". He couldn't find a grandma, so had to do the necessary himself. Basically, just keep scrolling. Eeew - gross. http://snipurl.com/suckmyeggs >> The world according to Leo Blair << We very much enjoyed this musical recap of recent UK political history from the viewpoint of the Prime Minister's infant son. Love the scribbly hand-drawn pictures - looks like Manic had a lot of fun making this. He puts the LOL into PoLOLitics. (Sorry Manic.) http://www.backingblair.co.uk/leo_blair/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Cheating cheaty cheats Last week we wanted to know all the things at which you'd cheated: http://b3ta.com/questions/cheats/ In amongst the many attempts to cheat the QOTW voting system there are some gems. Here are our favourite three: >> Guess Who Deep Throat << "Once, on a long train journey, my brother and I were playing Travel Guess Who when I felt a tap-tap-tapping on my foot under the table. It was the fellow sitting to the immediate right of my brother. He had written the word 'GEORGE' on the top of the newspaper he was reading. Not wanting to blow my cover, I made sure that I waited until I had to guess between a few to stay in the game, before saying 'Is it George?' And it was. This went on for the whole journey - must have been six or seven rounds and my brother never cottoned on. Even one time when I had to guess from six remaining characters. I never saw my accomplice again." (Newton Crosby) >> Cheating is sexy << "Lisa was my partner in crime when it came to the weekly spelling test. You had to swap your list with the person opposite, and mark each others spellings. We both got 20 out of 20, every week, for the whole year. I fancied her like mad. She pinched my bottom once - really made my day! We were only 11 so it seemed WELL SAUCY." (BourbonBiscuits) >> This man will burn for all eternity << "I have both a Blue Peter badge and dog collar, which has got me out of many a scrape including when I went to see Led Zepplin. The two factors eant that I could stand at the edge of the stage, go to their back-stage party, and get friendly with groupies! No sex, but they seemed to find the idea of rubbing themselves up and down a priest very good fun. I have also used my collar to get out of speeding tickets ("I have to get to a funeral"), family events ("I have a ceremony to perform"), tea in skanky, chavvy, grease-scummed cups ("I'm full of tea from other parishioners, thanks"), baggage being scanned at airports ("Holy Water is affected by X-Rays"), builder's bills ("The roof will be paid for" - heh, who's going to take a priest to court?) and the Poll Tax (but that wasn't really a cheat, it was just evil). The best little cheat that I play is that every week I don't give my parishioners their holy stuff .....it's just rice paper and shit wine. I spend the money that my parish gives me on proper booze and fags. Erm, this is probably my last post here. Even if you haven't sneezed: Bless You!" (Fr_Jerry_McGwier) >> This Week's Question << We'd like you to confess your most shameful moments. Talk to us here: http://b3ta.com/questions/shame/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO NASTY The biggest zit in the world WARNING: This is the grimmest thing we've ever linked to and we didn't even manage to get to the end of the video - possibly there are just some happy dancing bunnies. BTW: We do have to salute the choice of snake-charmer music for when the pus is coming out. http://www.funlol.com/funpages/worlds-biggest-zit.... ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Blair - Bush swearing competition << This is great - an international face-off between Blair and Bush, each trying to outdo the other in foul insults. All edited together from actual footage. Nicely done. http://www.wimp.com/competition/ >> Prog rock Christmas lights << This rock-loving nerd has taken Christmas as the slight excuse he needs to transform his house into some sort of prog-tacular, strobing extravaganza. We can imagine a little Jean- Michel Jarre gnome sitting on the doorstep. http://media.putfile.com/WizardsofWinter-SM >> How Germans have babies << An illustrated sex education book aimed at children; see how the beardy German man and pigtailed German lady get it on. Especially likes the cheerful labour scene. But why is the doctor carrying a hammer? "We're pretty sure it's going to be a baby, but it could be a bear"? http://www.planetdan.net/pics/babies/index.htm >> Wank warning from history << Afraid you're masturbating too much? Be afraid, as this 19th century French manuscript illustrates the inevitable, dire consequences of indulging in the occasional hand-shandy. http://www.neatorama.com/neat/worst-sin.htm >> Shooting off locks << You've seen it in films, but how easy it in real life, or is it even possible? Redneck scientist Old_Painless took a selection of locks and firearms up into the hills to get a definitive answer. Next week he flips a Jeep and climbs out of it, just like on the A-Team. http://www.theboxotruth.com/docs/bot5.htm >> Anti-drugs waxworks << This is bizarre Russian anti-drugs propaganda based entirely on wax models. Well-intentioned, but very freaky and not terribly accurate (Freddy Mercury did not die of drugs). http://www.mosnews.com/images/p/12058.shtml >> Anti-rape condom << A South African inventor has come up with a spiky female condom to fend off sex attackers. What sort of mad bint walks around with razors up her mimsie? And after going to all that trouble wouldn't it be a bit of a disappointment not to be raped? http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9145415/ ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Baby caterpillar A lot of caterpillars, moths and butterflies have eyespots to mimic larger animals and scare off predators. This little fellow is the first caterpillar we've seen that successfully mimics a cute li'l puppy to soften the heart of any predator. http://snipurl.com/babycaterpillar ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Songs to Gameshows Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted you to invent gameshows based on songs. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/gameshows/ We asked b3ta boarder The Figurative Pineapple to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. The Figurative Pineapple writes - #1 Stairway to Heaven - Simple, yet elegantly done. The guy on the right hammering the button made it the winner. (frogdoctor) http://www.b3ta.com/board/5333992 #2 Pretty Fly for a White Guy - This entry just fitted perfectly into the crap ITV gameshow schedule. Sheer genius. (CaL FiN) http://www.b3ta.com/board/5336564 #3 You've Got to Hide Your Love Away - Makes me laugh every time I look at it. Wonderful! (*Lo-Fi Foetus) http://www.b3ta.com/board/5335355 Honourable mention: Band on the Run - If only... (chronic) http://www.b3ta.com/board/5339065 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, the Challenge Dictator has demanded that inanimate objects be brought to life. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/anthropomorphisation... ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * WORLD'S UGLIEST DOG DEAD - sad to say, but hairless freak-dog Sam has passed away at the age of 14. "I don't think there'll ever be another Sam," said his owner, adding, "Some people would think that's a good thing." http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/11/22/ugly.dog.ap/index... * CHIMPANZEES ARE NOT MONKEYS - thanks to the scores of people who wrote in to point out that chimps are apes - they have no tails. To be honest, we were well aware of that. We just prefer the word 'monkey'. Call us wrong... ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * WALNUT VS WINDOW - Kendra writes - "my dad reckons that if you throw a walnut at a pane of glass, the shell will break completely off the walnut but the glass will remain intact." Does some one want to test this with video? * BIRMINGHAM EAR SPARKLERS - We saw some ear candles for sale in our local Chinese medicine shop and wondered how effective they are? Why not try sparklers as an alternative. Take photos. * PENIS ROCK - Just reading this lovely little site on how to design your own stick of rock. Please make some rude ones. We will love you forever. http://www.sculpey.com/Projects/projects_cane_face... Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by bobbynojob, junglejimmer, freeeky, don_howarth, magictorch, jspearmint, THE RAND CORPORATION, diyjoe, smoothpete and rt_hon_sidney_spatchcock. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. DID YOU KNOW? Spelling Neil Armstrong backwards give you "GNORTS, MR ALIEN"? Spooky. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Proofing by the rabid b4ta dogs. (105971 - 42045) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Don't waste money on a case for your iPod. Use a sock from Baby Gap to protect it. "I find the 6-12 months size works best," writes simonarsenal. "I used one belonging to my son. He's got a cold foot but at least my iPod shouldn't get scratched." next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive