we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY VS. LOST" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * VIDEO - Tramps drink Captain Morgan * CASH - the Queen sucks Ozzy cock * GIFS - Star Wars in 168k ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1 Queen cock, Star Wars, B3ta Calendar >> Captain Morgan = tramp drink << Captain Morgan make rum. We're sure it's very lovely and they didn't commission this rather amusing little video of a young gentleman slurping down on the blind-juice. (Thanks dopekiks.) http://media.putfile.com/captainmorgan >> Rude money << Australian reader xiangk follows up last week's mention of how to make the Queen smile on a fiver with, "My mum taught me this trick when I was in fourth grade - folding an Australian five dollar bill to create an image that resembles fellatio. It's made me laugh ever since." Made us laugh too. Our Queen loves teh cock. http://www.b3tards.com/uploads/fivedollartrick.jpg >> Star Wars in 168k << We don't generally link to much of the photoshopping stuff on our site from the newsletter, but this is special. FoldsFive has made a couple of tiny animations which tell the story of Star Wars all in little pixels. They've been all over the web ten times already before this mention, so big woos for our man: http://www.b3ta.com/board/5247035 http://www.b3ta.com/board/5254259 ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA CALENDAR Come to the pub with b3ta people Ooh. We've been meaning to give our calendar a write-up for a while. It's simple enough really: you can set up an event and ask people to come, or read other people's events and come along. Hopefully meaning more beer for everyone and the company of people you've already got something in common with. http://b3ta.com/calendar/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Lost song << Been watching Lost? Fantastic show. As we're so media-spunky, we're ahead of the curve and have been watching season two via bum-torrents and divy-xs. Anyway, fans will enjoy this slightly mental tribute where the cast sing Queen's Bohemian Rhapsoody. http://albinoblacksheep.com/flash/lost >> Relaxed cat << Enjoying this video of a cat laying on his back. It's the confused mewing that does it for us. http://10e.org/file/debuneko.wmv >> Derelict London << The official B3ta wife, Lucy, was looking for ideas of where to take the official B3ta Mum for a Saturday afternoon walk and she suggested the Parkland Walk, a disused railway line in North London. Check out the photos, they're great. Actually, have a look at the rest of the site for some fantastic images of our knackered capital. http://www.derelictlondon.com/id638.htm >> Very cool illusion << Quite partial to a quick optical illusion at B3ta HQ. It reminds us of being young and pointing torches into our eyes to get tracers. http://www.patmedia.net/marklevinson/cool/cool_ill... >> Carrots make you orange << Twenty years ago a bloke called David Redhead told us that "eating carrots makes you go orange" and that it was true because he'd "watched it in an episode of Juliet Bravo." We still don't know if he was telling us porkies, as this bloke's been eating them for two weeks now and his skin is still as white as snow. http://orangeman.commo.de/ >> Popcorn << What's the best thing about an Ethiopian blowjob? You know she'll swallow. And speaking of rotten jokes from the past, remember the Popcorn tune? You know. Pop pop pop pop pop p' pop? Exhaustive history here. If you've got some headphones, it's kinda fascinating to hear all the different versions. http://dot.kelder.net/~jones/popcorn/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2 Spazzy game, Sky News & Google game >> Spazzer game << "Hi, I've made a game which may make people spack out", belms mr.BIG, "hope you enjoy it." Not bad actually. The unique selling point here is you have to click a moving button whilst the screen flashes black and white. Tricky, and not suitable for epileptics. BTW: The story doing the rounds that schools don't allow teachers to say "Brain Storm" (preferring "Thought Shower") is an urban myth. The National Society for Epilepsy found that 93% of people with the condition do not find the word brainstorming offensive. The other 7% are too busy dribbling. http://www.goringjazzgig.co.uk/odyssey/media/play/... >> Rude names on Sky News << Ravenblack has been amusing himself by inventing rude names - of the Mike Hunt variety - and sending in comments to the Sky News website for them to print. "The editors either like a laugh or don't notice," he giggles. We're generally amused by the idea, the finest example being Chris Morris's 1995 airport tannoy announcements for "Arheddis Varkenjaab and Aywellbe Fayed" (I hate this fucking job, and I will be fired) and "Awul Dasfilshabeda and Nowaynayda Zheet" (Oo-ah, that feels better and now I need a shit) Maybe you can join in the fun and think up some more? http://www.b3tards.com/uploads/skynews.gif >> Google Snake Game << Philipp Lenssen has invented a geeky little office time-waster. First you think of a word such as "Monkey" and google it. Then your friend adds a word, say, "Monkey with" and googles that. First person to get zero results loses the game and has to take a forfeit. (Link goes to a longer description of the same thing) http://blog.outer-court.com/archive/2005-10-09-n36... ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK First Love Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes and lies into one handy place on the interweb. Last week we asked for your first loves: http://b3ta.com/questions/firstlove/ Here are three short and sweet stories that illustrate the gaping void between the sexes: >> Dog shit stick << "Hazy memory, but I was about 5, just started school and her name was Claire. We loved each other, and I decided to show my love to her in the only way I knew how - I found a twig, dipped it in dog shit and wiped it on her jacket. The school gave me detention for the rest of lunchtime. Funnily enough, we are not together any more." (4dam) >> Pacman sex << "Remington Youth Club, 1995. She was called Sarah. I thought she said I kissed like Batman. "No, you kiss like Pacman". It was short-lived." (scentless_apprentice) >> Head butting a giant << "Not my first love, but the next girlfriend I had (aged 10) was considerably taller than me. After a tiring game of "kiss chase" she consented to a quick smooch. Rather than do the sensible thing and stand on tip toes or gently pull her down to me, I decided to jump up and plant a big smackeroo on her. Unfortunately I went a bit too far and head-butted her in the nose, causing blood to piss out all over the shop. Hope you don't have a crooked nose now Victoria Wright - sorry." (Bearos) >> This Week's Question << We'd like know what strange things you always carry with you, just in case. Talk to us here: http://b3ta.com/questions/essentialitems/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Bad to Worse Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted to see how bad situations could get much, much worse. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/badtoworse/ We asked b3ta boarder Curis to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. Curis writes - #1 I dropped my coffee! - Packing a surreal and counter-intuitive climax this entry jigs around with seamy manic glee. Well, jigs as much as a non-animated entry can. Top notch work. (Count Vanderhoff) http://www.b3ta.com/board/5238309 #2 Geoffery, there's a coin in my food!! - Vaguely reminiscent of Titus Andronicus' legendary antics. Class usage of the crash zoom effect. (mofaha) http://www.b3ta.com/board/5249394 #3 There's nothing worse than... - as if eating real actual fruit wasn't bad enough, this superbly animated scenario unfolds with a disturbing air of feasibility. (Dr.Dunno) http://www.b3ta.com/board/5238620 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, the Challenge Dictator wants you to get dressed like a robot, and submit the results. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/realrobots/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * B3TA PEOPLE LOVE MOONCUPS - we had numerous emails from lady B3ta readers saying how much they preferred the eggcup over a jam-rag in dealing with the blob. E.g.: "Since you asked, yes, they are better. I no longer have to lie awake at night fretting over whether a sad-eyed dolphin or rare endangered turtle is tragically choking to death on one of my used tampons, flushed out to sea by uncaring waste-water treatment companies." Woo. * GINGER FUHRER LAPTOP - last week we may have mentioned once or twice how the red-haired umlaut had had his laptop stolen. Rach made us a lovely little drawing of how to prevent this in the future: http://www.flickr.com/photo_zoom.gne ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Bouncy game This game scores points for its sheer oddness. Can you bounce the blocks to hit the heads of the other characters on the screen? Kept us busy for oooh 5 minutes. http://www.rubilon.kulichki.com/games/brosocen.htm... ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * "Hêÿã PèêP§!! Wé gt ߺ®éÐ ¤ñ (v)§ñ §¤ wé ÐꩦÐëÐ (v)ªkê ª §¦té! ¦ƒ ú wûÐ Lÿk ©¤ñtª©t ù§ §ëñÐ ú§ ãñ è(v)å¦l º® ãÐÐ Øû® (v)§ñ§..." Does this make any sense to you? How about a game where you have to convert l33t speak back into English against a clock? * LUNCHTIME BREAKOUT - some friends of ours mentioned a game they used to play at work. Each lunchtime they'd try and get the furthest away from their office via the tube, take a camera phone photo and scoot back. Sounds fun. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Dr Mike, Austen W00T, timpers69, Lucy Lizard, Somersetchris, nic_in_space, kibethewalrus, allena_2002, tumes, moogy boobles & writeto_angelfish. Top Tippery by Fantastical monkey Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Proofing by the hooded b4ta rapists. (105461 - 30402) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: To test between a boiled egg and a raw egg, simply spin it. A raw egg will be hesitant and spin wobbly, but a boiled egg will spin smoothly. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive