we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 190: "FLIP OUT LIKE A NINJA" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * NINJAS - Flip out with Joel * PUB - Drink with bloke who survived tube bomb * PROJECT - DIY office bow & arrow ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Table-top cricket << If you've always wanted to play Tabletop Cricket but simply couldn't be arsed to track it down on eBay, spend days setting it up and then try to coerce someone into playing it with you - the solution is here, in the form of a Flash game made by Kerb. http://www.spreadfair.com/sport/spread/betting/cri... >> The IT Files - Episode 3 << "The boss's dinner party" - If at first you don't succeed, blind 'em with science. At last, Mike is starting to get somewhere in his quest for an upgrade. View the video at: http://www.intel.co.uk/itfiles >> Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Ninjas, Weebl, Dogs and Surviving Terrorism >> Flip out like a ninja << We went and saw Joel's band, 7 Seconds Of Love, play a gig the other day, and after the show harangued him, "That ninja song is catchy, you've GOT to put that out on the interwebs." Joel, of course, has done us proud. He also asks us to say, "Dudes, we're doing a charity night at Islington Academy on Thursday 28th (next week). It would be great if you could make it down." Full details, and a new flash vid on the site: http://www.7secondsoflove.com/ninja/ >> Weebl: New cartoon strip << Jonti is probably best-known now for his animated songs, like Badgers and Kenya, but his web bread and butter is episode after episode of Weebl & Bob. Returning to the episodic format is his new cartoon, "On The Moon" detailing the life of his little friends on er... the moon. Whimsical, demented and pleasingly neo-nazi. Go Jonti. http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/On+The+Moon+ep.1... >> Have a pint with a terrorism survivor << David Taurus has got in touch mentioning that he was on the very tube-train that was blown up by Yorkshire terrorists a couple of weeks-ago. His anti-hysteric write-up is worth a read: http://www.thetriforce.com/newblog/ He also wants you to come to the pub to meet him because, "If you stay sober, the terrorists win." http://www.thetriforce.com/newblog/ >> Dogs in Togs << "Dressing up animals is cliché in B3taland," spiels your Ginger Furher, "So I was rather amused when my girlfriend pointed out that a canine fancy dress competition was taking place but three miles from our sofa. We nipped down and took a camera." http://www.b3ta.com/features/dogsintogs/ ------------------------------------------------- : THE MENACING WEBSITE DESIGN AWARD Ah, when the designers get a little too creative. "At Kluthe, everything revolves around you," is the claim. But instead, a huge, frightening logo hovers in the middle of your screen, like a lidless eye of evil. Don't mouse over the nonsense words round the edges lest they slowly loom towards you, swelling to immense and pant-filling size. Oh sweet Jesus here they come - trying to sell us paint-thinners! http://www.kluthe.co.uk/klutheintro.swf ------------------------------------------------- : HUMAN ZOO Coke-can tux man Gondaba attended his prom in a smart suit made from discarded cola cans. But that's not why we love him. For that, just look at his face, his huge, unwieldy hair and his Gothic date. Do you think he got picked on in high school? A little? http://www.gondaba.com/posts/1/8/4042.html ------------------------------------------------- : GEEK OF THE WEEK GPS Tron GPS is some kind of funky future-style technology that uses satellite tracking to locate nerds with pinpoint accuracy - from space. Normally used by ramblers to map out brisk country walks, it's been now adopted by ugly men with Linux-beards in a tribute to the light-cycle scene in 80s Disney crapathon, Tron. We're sure they think they're having fun, but why don't they use the tech to draw gigantic cocks on London? The space alien overlords would love that! http://mnt.is-a-geek.org/tron/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Best porn movie title ever? << "1,001 Ways to Eat My Jizz, Part 3: Biscuits and Gravy Edition" There's genius in this title we tell you, genius. Don't actually want to see the film though. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0391713/ >> Goatse of the week << When it comes to write the history of the web, do you really think anyone will list Boo.com? Ask Jeeves? MSN? Nope, but they will still remember goatse. We enjoyed this photo of an Asterix/Obelix ride that looks oh so familiar. http://www2.b3ta.com/images/rob/4e5_obelix.jpg >> Office bow & arrow << Ever thought about sellotaping a couple of rulers together, mucking about with some biros and and making your own lethal medieval machinery of destruction? Here's how. Inspired stuff, hopefully our readers will be happily maiming each other silly over the coming weeks. http://www.bleacheatingfreaks.com/science/OB2/bxma... >> Dunno what the fuck this is - but it's great << It's got these jelly beans and they go through pipes, making music. And you control the pipes. Weird, foreign webtoy thing. Looks lovely, fun to play with. Mellow. http://www.lecielestbleu.com/media/pateasonframe.h... >> I am fucking terrified << We couldn't move the other week for seeing mentions of the banally patriotic werenotafraid.com. Utterly loathsome stuff. We were more amused by this response site, also an email we received from b3ta regular CCC that mentioned, "I'm thinking about doing a 'we're not afraid so we wank over pictures of Arabs" site - but I can't seem to find the right yoghurt. Plus I don't want to die." http://iamfuckingterrified.com/ >> Hiccup videos << Web perversions: If you can think of it, you can find a website of enthusiasts wanking over it. But hiccups? Actually we quite enjoyed watching this collection of vids, but it didn't give us the horn. http://www.hiccuplovers.net/video/ >> Jowlers << What is a jowler? Ah, glad you asked, gentle reader. A jowler is when you shake your face from side-to-side and take a short exposure photograph. The effect's a bit like watching someone under extreme G-force. Very pleasing, and something to try at home this weekend. http://www.jowlers.com/howto/ >> R Kelly << Who would have thought the day would come when we'd be bigging up R Kelly? But you have to watch his five-part operapa, quite possibly the greatest thing we've ever, ever seen. It tells the story of Kelly getting caught in a closet by the husband of his latest lady and the real-time delivery is what brings the laughs, "I've got cramp!" being a choice moment. (Click the video section.) http://www.r-kelly.com/index_main.html ------------------------------------------------- : ANIMAL NASTIES Baby pandas We can see why the Chinese systematically exterminated the panda to extract the secret ingredient in wonton soup. The baby panda is an eyeless, ugly critter and our booty feet want to kick its tiny face off. http://snipurl.com/gfml ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Double, bumper, fun-sized issue >> Results from the Grown-ups' Lies Challenge << Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Two weeks ago we wanted you to show us a world where the lies grown-ups tell children are true. http://b3ta.com/challenge/grownupslie/ We asked b3ta boarder Bodders to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. Bodders writes - #1 "Bird buggery - Well, what can I say? It's a stork shagging your mum! Amazing what they can do these days. (Zak McFlimby) http://www.b3ta.com/board/4863720 #2 "Bedfordshire - Loving those good ol' wooden hills! And a fine bit of simple shopping too. (Mozza) http://www.b3ta.com/board/4875405 #3 "Daddy sure isn't in heaven - Broken homes and shattered dreams imagine what this poor child is going to go through when he finds out about daddy. You gotta love it." (Leningrad) http://www.b3ta.com/board/4864370 >> Results from the David Hasselhoff Challenge << Last week ago we wanted to see a day in the life of David Hasselhoff. http://b3ta.com/challenge/hasselhoff/ We asked b3ta boarder The Pink Dot to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. The Pink Dot writes - #1 "Salesman of the Month - This one seemed to address very well the implication that David may well now have to find other, less glamorous means to supplement his income. (Dr.trouser) http://www.b3ta.com/board/4911829 #2 "Kitten Stretching - Obviously I can't condone this anti-fluff stance, particularly in light of those new RSPCA statistics about animal cruelty, but it all just seems too feasible to ignore. (Darryn.R) http://www.b3ta.com/board/4898489 #3 "Mirror Gazing - If anyone was going to turn narcissism into a full time activity it was going to be Hasselhoff. Simple and clever, and probably true." (Leningrad) http://www.b3ta.com/board/4894045 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, The Challenge Dictator wants us to ease off the Photoshopping and make real-life corporate logos: http://b3ta.com/challenge/reallifelogos/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * SAUSAGE WIRING - rdcrouse writes "When I was a youngster we had one of these contraptions which did exactly what your forked-up version did - just better. Note the snazzy "seals in the flavour" plastic cover. We used it a few times and then reverted to the dogs-in-boiling-water default method." http://www.neighborhoodvalues.com/nv/kitchen/misc/... * POACHED EGG - possibly one of the most controversial items we've run on b3ta - eggs, it appears, inspire passions. Many emails pointed out that cling-film is carcinogenic and shouldn't be boiled, others mentioned that they like poaching eggs by placing them in a mug with 1 cm of water, and then into the microwave for a minute. Our favourites, however, were the people who attempted the clingfilm method, failed, and fed it to their dog. http://b3ta.com/board/4883753 * SWEARING - "Thanks," writes alex, "for linking to our company 'UK Data' on your newsletter (#178), encouraging people to visit and type in swear words. Perhaps not the ideal way to get our company promoted, but funny all the same." ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME One-key gaming There's a school of thought that successful web gaming has fuck-all to go with X-boxes and 3D visuals and everything to do with "here's a quick novelty, have a go." This game is all novelty and, frankly, we're wishing we'd thought of it. Damn. http://www.juno.dti.ne.jp/~logicp/program/kax2003/... ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * WINDOWLICKERS.COM - a few months back the hot link doing the rounds was a kitten that licked your screen. Very cute. Knowing they were onto a good thing, the designers have followed it up with loads of doggy lick sequels for sale as screensavers, and it's all become a bit naff. Can't we have a mong licking the screen instead? * SPACE WANKING - Nasa! We know all about pooing in space. We've seen the videos of the poor astronauts using the vacuum shitters. Now we want to see someone masturbating in zero G, splooging perfect spheres of man-cum from their mighty astro-cocks. * TOWELHEAD-FOR-A-DAY - stick a towel on your head, colour your skin brown with shoe polish and spend a day on London's public transport noting the reception you get. Might be interesting, we thinks. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by Wandring Soul, jspearmint, marcus mainframe, aliceteeple, harry covert and The Duke of Prunes Top Tippery by random googling. Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is stressed beyond belief. Image challenge handled by Mystery Bob. Proofing by the gay b4ta gays. (103990 - 27005) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Suffering from arthritis and can't hold a dust rag for long? Slip an old sock over your hand and dust away. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive