we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 166: "NUDE GAY CHRISTIAN ATHLETICS" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * HEADLINE WATCH - goat chaos * GIZMOS - Phones for dogs * PHOTOS - Black metal hall of fame ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Pikey advertising << Kuroi Kyo writes, "I went into my local 99p shop in Eastleigh and took this photo as the sign always make me smirk. The shop is a typical 'value' store and this guy in the advert is supposed to entice people in - but to me he just looks like a perv with his scruffy unshaven look and leering eyes. It's just a class bit of mis-matched advertising." http://www.b3ta.com/board/4178422 >> Those Naughty Vikings << Weebl continues his sweeping history of the world, told through the medium of eggs. This week it's the Vikings' turn. BTW: Jonti has recently won an award from Yahoo for having the webs' sexiest penis or something. Yay. http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/history6.htm ------------------------------------------------- : SIGNS OF THE APOCALYPSE This is the way the world ends Mobile phones for pets. Phones. For. Pets. It's just so wrong we don't know where to start. When is your dog going to be to busy to call you from the land line anyway? http://www.petsmobility.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : BOOK OF THE MONTH Snatch in a Mess A story about a little doggy with tidiness problems. Not exactly what we anticipated getting from those particular Amazon search words... http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/086163661... ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Black Sheep Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes and lies into one handy place on the interweb. Last week we wanted to know about the black sheep in your family. Frankly, we regret asking: http://b3ta.com/questions/blacksheep/ #1 Uncle Rastus "Watching film of her christening, my sister asked who the single noticeable black fellah was. Dad says, "That's Uncle Rastus, he's the black sheep of the family... Mum refuses to talk of him." My sister, now 28, often says it's a shame that we never kept in contact with Uncle Rastus. Apologies due to the random bloke that Mum caught on film, I hope he enjoyed the christening he was attending after ours." (Timrot) #2 I think it might be me "I bought my obsessive compulsive younger brother a set of "day of the week" socks, then, a month or so later, took away the Friday socks. I don't think my mum will ever forgive me for the fun she had trying to convince my brother that he can wear Saturday socks on a Friday." (cooler_king) #3 Bus thief "My auntie used to go to Victoria Bus Station drunk with some mates after closing, nick a double decker bus and drive it down to Brighton - in 1947. She's still a good laugh at 75." (lolwhites) >> This Week's Question << We'd like you to tell us about job interviews you've had or conducted. Talk to us here: http://b3ta.com/questions/jobinterviews/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Gallery of failed dotcoms << This gave us a happy little half hour. It's a gallery of failed e-commerce sites from the hazy days of the internet bubble. Clickmango, boo.com, they're all in there. "What a bunch of misguided twunts they all were," we chortled, slurping champagne by the pool of our dotcom mansion. http://www.disobey.com/ghostsites/mef.shtml >> Goldfish race track << We always feel a bit sorry for goldfish stuck in little bowls all day. So hurray for this innovative tank which, by virtue of its figure-of-eight design, effectively simulates giving them an infinitely large pool. Also, kind of like fish Scalextric. http://www.designboom.com/mcf/vases/2285.html >> Gaming tattoos << Tattoos are only for the cool kids, is that what you think? Tragically, you're wrong, as shown by this parade of losers with tats inspired by video games. We feel particularly sorry for the Atari guy: He endured searing agony, got an incredibly shitty tattoo and now has to suffer from the ongoing devaluation of the Atari brand. http://www.livejournal.com/community/gamingtattoos... >> Norwegian disco << This Open University-type lecturer carries on the banner of the mighty Norsemen, as he teaches his fellow-country-men how to dance the disco. Whiz to just over halfway through for the money shot, as the music starts pumping, the formerly-impassive audience lumbers to its feet and our instructor busts a groove, shaking his Nordic arse to dance Valhalla. http://folk.uio.no/tsandvik/fun/learn_disco.mpg >> Nude gay Christian athletics << Nothing funny to see here. it's just a guy explaining how in a gym people often get naked. And you don't have to get all freaked out, just because they're absolutely in the nude. And right next to you. Oh, and here are some pictures of naked athletes. http://www.gaychristianonline.org/gaychristianathl...#USI >> Nerd cover versions << There's a grand tradition of computer geeks altering the lyrics of popular songs to reflect their own particular interests. We rather enjoyed this extensive collection, with highlights including '50 Ways To Hose Your Code', 'Can't Parse This' and the wonderful 'Addicted To MUD'. If you don't get it, you're not nerdy enough. http://www.poppyfields.net/filks/authindex.html >> Frost Car Graffiti << The cold winter mornings have started to get us down. But who could resist a smile on seeing that someone had drawn a charming series of characters into the frost coating on all the cars in the street? http://iftk.com.br/modules.php >> Black Metal Hall of Shame << Satanism is funny, heavy metal is funny. When the two of them come together it's comedy gold. Words absolutely fail us in trying to describe these wretched attempts by rockers to look like they could steal your soul. http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/top10/10blackmetal.... ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Baby koala and happy squirrel Few things in this world carry the full weight of cuteness that a baby koala can bring to bear. They're like furry little old men. http://www.lakeapplets.homestead.com/babies.html There's such an expression of innocent delight on this little squirrel's face. You just know she's going to be frolicking in the snow with her friends later on. Probably a hedgehog in a wooly hat and a duck with muffler. http://www.steves-digicams.com/dpotd/dec2004/12112... BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on the web recently? Tell us. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Natural Rejection Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted you to show us the animals that were left no chance by evolution: http://b3ta.com/challenge/naturalrejection/ We asked B3ta boarder 'Freshlegs' to judge the entries - here are her 3 faves. Freshlegs writes - #1 "One of God's blueprints - Behold the thought processes of God! Was I drunk when I judged this? Perhaps; but this image has it all: crudeness, a ridiculous animal and surreal originality. (CaroWallis) http://www.b3ta.com/board/4164883 #2 "Bach Tapir and rabid flautists - the theme of animals being hunted to extinction due to unfortunate markings was ubiquitous this week, but nowhere so blindingly obvious as in this one. (camel-related incident) http://www.b3ta.com/board/4157443 #3 "Christmas and the Gift Duck - the mental image of this duck being gleefully torn to shreds on Christmas morning gives me pause to reflect on the plight of our inferior animal cousins." (collapsibletank) http://www.b3ta.com/board/4160635 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, the entire B3ta board conspired to give us the suggestion, "The Land That Scale Forgot" http://b3ta.com/challenge/scale/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * ROB HAS A FACE FOR RADIO - mysteriously, your ginger editor, Rob Manuel has been turning up on the radio recently. Firstly reviewing games consoles and websites for the Phil Jupitus BBC 6 breakfast show, then singing about child molesters on Scotish radio, and finally permforming under the name Barry Yams for a late night BBC radio 1 comedy show. You can listen to a stream here. Osymyso fans will enjoy the music to be sure. http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/oneclick/comedy/050121... * MISTER SHAW-TWILLY'S school in the Isle of Man may be under a curse of silly names. Apparently, a previous headmaster was called Richard Head. "And he was, too," moans James Cumming. "He smashed me in a piano when I was twelve." * THE LONDON UNDERGROUND SONG writers have been in touch. "Me and a mate wrote it," says Adam Kay. "We're junior doctors and we recorded a whole album for Macmillan Cancer Relief." You can check that out here: http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/medic/fitness/home.php * WEEBL'S STUFF wins Yahoo award. Yes, it's more internet back slapping. Where's the money is all we want to know. http://weebls-stuff.com/ * CURSOR LOVE BUNNY is unfair apparently. "I can't beat the bunny thing, its no fair, I have a disease," cries 'Beaniebethbaby', "I got a gene disorder that causes tremors and I got other shit. I'm going to shoot a bullet threw my spine!" All we can say is that all of B3ta are really, really sorry. Please don't shoot your spine, you'd only miss. http://b3ta.com/bunnygame/ ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Majestic cog-wheel game You're a sticky blob of something. Jump around the screen, grabbing the red pills by latching onto the slowly rotating wheels that can raise you to the skies. Slow-paced, but gripping. http://www.tonypa.pri.ee/wheels.html ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * GIVEMEBACKMYGOOGLE.COM - have you noticed that affiliate schemes are breaking Google? Have you tried searching for products recently? The first few pages are normally taken up by dickheads like kelkoo trying to grab their crappy 5%. Cunts. I want information, not this crap. GIVE ME BACK MY GOOGLE! * SUBSERVIENTQUADRIPLEGIC.COM - an update of the subservient chicken one. Except when you type stuff, your wheelchair-bound slave does fuck all. Except dribble. And occasionally piss himself. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson and the b4ta wiki crew. Links sent in by zog, Weebop, ben Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Image challenge handled by Mystery Bob. Proofing by b4ta. With spikes. (76525) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Get rid of ants by sprinkling curry powder around. Ants hate the delicious taste of curry. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive