we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 160: "REALDOLLS FOR PAEDOS" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * VID - Inflatable Glove Balloons * GEEK - AOL CD Throne * PORN - Sexy toe mystery ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Silly Hat Man Inflates Rubber Gloves << "I've been playing around with rubber gloves this week," writes Davideo. And wearing a ridiculous hat too, by the looks of things. http://www.davideodesign.co.uk/balloony.htm >> Fridge Magnet Messenger << Fakker spelt out very slowly on his fridge "I've made this fridge magnet message thing with magneticky goodness." Some of the already stored messages sum up our feelings exactly. http://www.mattfacer.com/fridge/index.php >> Fuzz Magazine << Rhodri writes "The Home Office are producing a tabloid-style 'lifestyle' magazine for the police force. I've saved them the effort and produced the front-cover myself." http://timewasting.net/pix/fuzz.jpg ------------------------------------------------- : HUMAN ZOO Council of Doon The councillors of the Western Isles were never going to rank as world-class beauties. But this page surely proves that in-breeding is alive and well. There's something rather horrifying about moving your mouse really quickly over the map as their hideous twisted faces grin back. Our favourite's Donald Macdonald from Harris East. http://www.w-isles.gov.uk/members/wards.htm ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Spooky Premonitions Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes and lies into one handy place on the interweb. Last week we wanted to know if you'd had any premonitions of the future: http://b3ta.com/questions/premonitions/ #1 Stuffed Toy Ensures Clean Undies "When I was 5 I had a stuffed gorilla named Dan who once told me that I should take an overnight bag with me when we went shopping. My mum thought I was very odd clutching my bright green Ninja Turtles backpack full of clothes on the advice of my cotton-filled, banana-wielding friend, but when we got stuck after an oil spill closed the road home, I was the only one with clean underwear." (sophie the dyking) #2 Snuff-It Stakes "We use to run an office tote-betting thingy on who would die next. The trick was to nominate someone completely unexpected to die, so you don't have to share the pot with other co-nominees. I remember the same girl accurately predicted the deaths of Princess Di, Jill Dando and Douglas Adams. Maybe she had them bumped off so that she'd win our office sweepstake. Who knows?" (Ptolemy) #3 Tamagotcha "My friend's Tamagotchi died mere hours, nay, minutes before the news of Princess Diana's death was announced. Coincidence? I think not." (scoob666) Also, we'd like to point out that the only reason the image challenge results are in this week's newsletter is because Rob appeared in a dream to Pep and made her get up. Honest. >> This Week's Question << To be honest, it's amazing some of us are still alive. Share your near-death experiences here: http://b3ta.com/questions/neardeath/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Sexy Toe Mystery << Fancy yourself as some sort of perverted Sherlock Holmes? Apparently this pretty porn-lady has only got two toes on her right foot. A bout of 'detective work' on Google Images is definitely in order. Warning: Not safe for work. http://bbs.peachy18.com/ShowPost.aspx >> Replica Eight-Year-Olds << Parents: Worried your child will be abducted? Get them to lug around this life-sized model to use as a decoy. That's the only market we can think of for this travesty of the doll-maker's art. That, or some sort of RealDoll for paedos. http://tinyurl.com/4cgsq >> Kids Draw Entrails << Have you ever wondered what serial killers were like at school? We suspect their artwork might look a lot like this. Say hello to a classroom of junior Huntleys, Shipmans, and Wests. http://www.thehumanbody.ecsd.net/student_gallery.h... >> Kill Your Boss << Unleash your repressed rage against your boss. This animated toy lets you kill him with any object to hand. Our preferred weapon? The stapler. We like the visceral attention to detail. http://www.whackyourboss.com/ >> Punk Synthesizer << If any further proof were needed that punk is dead it's this: a quirky keyboard-based synthesizer that lets you play at being Sid Vicious. We had fun making it belch and swear. We also applaud that it allows you to choose between qwerty and azerty layouts so it's truly international. And isn't that what punk is all about anyway? http://www.zanorg.com/prodperso/punk.htm >> Build A Better Bush << It's not often we'll run anything featuring George W. Bush. We're denying him the oxygen of publicity. But we very much enjoyed this page's ability to customise his facial features. We like him with highlights, designer stubble and a big grin. Very cool. Like a latter-day Don Johnson. http://www.ilfoglio.it/uploads/camillo/Buildabette... >> Badly Drawn Boys << One man's obsession with footballers goes way, way, way beyond his ability to actually draw. We liked the portrait of Gianfranco Zola the best. He's got a little deformed hand, just like Anthony Head or Jeremy Beadle. http://www.ktv.nu/~s569e/karikatyrer.htm >> A-Team Robots << It's the cult 80s TV show in robotic form. Apparently this is someone's degree project - had we known that A-Team Robotics Studies was a valid course, we may have made different choices all those years ago. http://snipurl.com/awp6 ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Twice the links. Double the cute. We're on an international hunt to find the cutest stuff in the world. Here's the research so far. >> Curious Owl With Furry Legs << It's the expression that does it: startled and curious, our black hearts melt. http://img98.exs.cx/my.php >> Baby Badger << Don't tell Weebl, but the only thing cuter than an adult badger is a infant badger. http://www.secretworld.org/image/html/badger5.htm BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on the web recently? Tell us. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : GEEK OF THE WEEK AOL CD throne Normal people use them as coasters or play rudimentary frisbee games with them. AOL CDs are a plentiful resource that can be used for many things. This man spent months of his life building them into a throne. Stupidco writes "This thing has been sitting in my bedroom for a year. It's one of the most uncomfortable chairs you'll ever sit on, and if it isn't strange enough to earn a link in the newsletter, I don't know what is." Oh, we know alright: you are. http://stupidco.com/aol_throne_finished.html ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the 'Not Safe For Work' Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted you to show us things that were dangerous in the workplace: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/nsfw/ We asked B3ta boarder 'Beau Bo D'Or' to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves, written in the style of pompous wind-bag Kevin McCloud: #1 Joanne does the shredding "I can't pretend not to be captivated by the stark yet anti-aliased edge trademark style which screams the name 'Mushybees.' The colour black is almost warm to the touch in this context, the green tinged greys reflecting the mundane, almost clinical nature of 21st century automated office work." (Mushybees) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3976978 #2 Hard Hat "A postmodernist take on a classic icon of the blue collar workplace? The 'helmet' of the construction worker from The Village People literally attracting attention? I shall be brave and venture that, although there may indeed be a subtext open to various interpretations, this actually represents an hilarious 'accident' waiting to happen on any building site." (Kris Fucking Kristofferson) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3976381 #3 Mined Keyboard "This keyboard and its delicate lighting lulls the user and indeed viewer into an almost goose-down-soft false sense of security. And yet, lurking in the shadows, one spies a land mine silently waiting for the next four-letter swearword or, dare I say, misspelled, tired old fashion brand." (D7JAB) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3963496 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, B3ta contributor 'Mr Bojangles' gave us the suggestion "Messing with history." http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/history/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * BIRMINGHAM deemed grossly inappropriate - Pristine B3ta person 'Hazzard' has managed to get sacked for watching the B-B-B-B-BIRMINGHAM animation at work. "I was apparently being, and I quote, 'Grossly inappropriate'," he splutters, "Maybe if their PCs had sound they would have seen the funny side." * SWEARY FINGERS confuses simple American - Morgan writes: "Yes, I'm an American. I suck. But, in the 'Sweary Fingers Gallery', half of the people are doing the 'V for Victory' finger gesture. Is this also a swear in the UK? Being such backwards retards, we only have the single-finger salute." Do you want to tell him, or shall we? * MANTLEPIES TV GIG - "We're doing some stuff for the Beeb at the moment. Armando Iannucci contacted us and asked us to do some sketch ideas for his end of year show. Hopefully we'll have something on the telly soon," writes Mr. Wellington, of the rather marvellous www.mantlepies.com website. ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Lobster Challenge Can you get the confused lobsters to their homes without them falling into the fiery pits of oblivion? Of course, it all depends on how much you care about lobsters, but this Japanese game will drive you mad. http://www.i-dac.com/game/myhouse/myhouse.html ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * PEPPERAMI ORIGAMI - make a poodle out of a shrivelled meat snack. * SWEENEY COD - write and star in a musical about a murderous hair-cutting fish. * SANTA BANTER - wire up your local department store santa with a mic. We want to know what the greedy little sods are asking for this year. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by David Stevenson, Mike Trinder, Rob Manuel and the b4ta-wikis. Links sent in by Keith David, tomsk, Robert Tinsley, Jakartass, Alistair Peck, Sonicboo, Badger Bob, nsmith, Bob Jamieson, Martyn Rose Top Tippery by Lucy Reese. Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord. Image challenge handled by Denise Wilton. Proofing by the sinister b4ta ministers. (74668) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: PC filled with adware and viruses? No idea how to rescue it from malware-doom? Don't bother with all that Ad-Aware and Spybot crap, just pour a cup of tea in it and do an insurance job. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive