we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 145: "STILL KITTENY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * SAVE B3TA - Send us your cash * SPOOF SITE - Annoys the world * KITTENS - Crappest hand-draw cats ever ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Best cat archive ever << The web is full of excellent cats. But think how much clicking you'd have to do to see the best of them. You could well die before you get them all. Well worry no longer - some kind soul has gathered up the very crème de la cat for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy. http://gladstone.uoregon.edu/~dcalwhit/cats.html >> Shatner sings Jarvis << B3ta favourite Bill Shatner has a new album out in October called "Has Been". Hear him duet with Joe Jackson in a cover of Pulp's "Common People". It's strange to hear the song covered by a septuagenarian US action star. Surprisingly ace for all that. http://www.drewmg.org/commonpeople.mp3 >> PC oven << Spend a lot of time at your computer? We do, and this little beauty has us fizzing with excitement. You can fit a tiny oven in your PC instead of a CD drive. Bake yourself delicious little cakes to scoff while you finish writing that proposal. Who could say no to that? http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/ezbake.shtml >> Arm-less college boy << Own a CD featuring 100 pictures of a 'drunk, arm-less midget'. That's the unmissable offer of this preposterous eBay auction. But not to worry, it's actually being sold off by the man himself. Supposedly this is to pay for his college fees, but we suspect he's really doing it because he likes the attention. http://snipurl.com/84qd >> Smoking booze << The AWOL machine is a modern version of the middle-eastern hookah pipe, but with gin instead of tobacco. Apparently, the alcohol goes directly to your brain, but you don't have a hangover the next day. What can we say - we need one of these. Mind you, the site also claims it's 'great for weight loss' because you're so dehydrated afterwards. Hmm. That doesn't sound like good advice. http://www.awolmachine.com/ >> Seagull upgrade << Inspired by tales of piracy, some creative sailors have replaced a gull's amputated leg with a plastic doll arm. Disturbingly, there's a chubby little hand on the end of it. This is excellent - there's no reason why limb-loss can't be amusing. Kind of reminds us of Toy Story. More please - we'd like to see a hamster with Action Man's head next. http://www.local6.com/news/3510166/detail.html >> Playing in traffic << Frankly, anyone who cycles to work must be fucking insane. Anyone who hasn't experienced for themselves can sample cycle commuting's white-knuckle delights by watching this team of excitable New Yorkers playing tag through the city's rush-hour traffic. Some of the gaps they get through defy belief. It's like an eco-friendly The Fast & The Furious with Vin Diesel in Lycra. Warning big, fat download. http://freecache.org/http://download.sdv.pl/red-we... >> Inexplicable baby pic << We don't really understand the text of this Czech health article, but that won't stop us speculating wildly. Judging by the photos, a factory just outside of Prague has commenced mass-producing Pete Tong. A world trembles in fear and dread. Oh, this just in: It's about playing music to babies to aid their development. Awwww... shame. http://www.novinky.cz/03/70/29.html ------------------------------------------------- : BIT TORRENT TV Stuff we've watched this week Find of the week has been the UKNova site which is packed with British telly. Makes a nice change from watching American stuff. >> BNP documentary << Watch with your mouth agog as BBC journalist infiltrates the British National Party and uncovers not just criminal behavior, but that the political party is peopled by stupid, violent and frankly mad thugs. >> Eastenders episode 1 << Eastenders might be failing in the current ratings battles, but it's interesting to catch up with the roots from whence it came. This episode was rebroadcast for American TV complete with an introduction from Tracy Ulman, "TV soaps are not all glitter and romance - this one has had the big business tycoons stripped away, leaving teenage pregnancy, rape etc." >> Inventions that changed the world: The PC<< Presenter Jeremy Clarkson might be a bit of of a dick cheese, but he ably guides the viewer through a history of computing, controversially putting Tommy Flowers, the engineer behind Colossus, the world war II code breaking machine, as the real father of computing. Good stuff on how World War I might have ended earlier if Babbage had ever been able to complete the difference engine. All this and more on: http://www.uknova.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Crap kittens, Odd pigs & Stalking project >> Crap kitten drawings << "I never now leave the flat without pens and paper in case I bump into someone who hasn't drawn me a cat." screams Splorp. Wow there's some amusingly rubbish drawings here. http://www.tiddles.co.uk/ >> Who is this Traffic Warden? << "I made a series of "Margaret the Traffic Warden" pictures based on an image robbed from the BBC. Now I'd really like to meet the lady behind the photos. I need everyone's help to track her down." So if you recognise her, get in touch. http://www.mattfacer.com/margaret_traffic_warden >> Odd pig thing << "My mate Jim is a little fucked in the head", confesses the_blagger, "and occasionally stuff spills out onto paper. As he can't be arsed to learn flash, I animate stuff for him. Hope to be churning out more weirdness very soon." This is odd, but the style is great. http://www.suttonsites.co.uk/b3ta/thepiggy.htm ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Ebay Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Two weeks ago we wanted you to make up stuff to sell on Ebay: http://b3ta.com/challenge/ebay/ We asked B3ta boarder 'Cosmo Smallpiece' to judge the entries - here are his faves. Cosmo writes - #1 "Homeless Native American - Best overall punnage and use of cardboard, Little Big Issue anyone? One of those that lands in your e-mail still a bit damp - Brilliant. (Zak McFlimby) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3485105 #2 "Anarchism and Other Essays - Tough call this one. From a number of top class entries of the same origin. Stood out a mile for being unique and dead funny - Ace! (Beau Bo d'Or) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3470944 #3 "ebayeux Tapestry - Second and third to the same person didn't seem fair, but this was totally deserved. Produced a number of top class posts. Well done you - Top of the class. (Beau Bo d'Or) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3479926 "If I'm allowed a special mention, it's for Sunshine Elephant's iced fancies. It was a lovely thought. http://www.b3ta.com/board/3490602 Results from the Heath Robinson Challenge Last week we wanted overly complicated machines to do simple tasks: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/heathrobinson/ We asked B3ta boarder 'Mofaha' to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. Mofaha writes - #1 "The Bush slapper - The timing and execution are wonderful, and the expression at the end is just perfect. This still makes me laugh out loud every time I see it. (eclectech) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3513447 #2 "The vicar pleaser - A giant leap forward in clergy gratification technology! Very funny, and very much in keeping with the theme of the challenge. Plus there's a kitten in it. (Kris Fucking Kristofferson) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3510466 #3 "The eye opener. Lovely animation, and another entry featuring a great expression, somewhere between horrible discomfort and dogged determination. (pippy) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3513495 "The honorable mention. In a challenge that produced some excellent entries, both of Dangleberry's efforts made in onto my shortlist. My favourite was the Gastro-Prod XL. http://www.b3ta.com/board/3510936 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, B3ta contributor Fraser gave us the suggestion, "Rhyming Photoshops" http://b3ta.com/challenge/rhymingphotoshops/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * SNAILHAUSEN PROTEST - Leo Humphries writes - "Being the snail enthusiast I am, I was somewhat shocked by the promotion of snail murder in your newsletter. As soon as I read it, made a petition to end the mindless killing." http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/signed.cgi * BIROMASH FAME - "Following my posting of my giant biromash on b3ta, I had 300 emails within four days asking to buy a copy and 82000 hits to the picture in the last eight days. Prints of it are now available to buy." http://homepage.ntlworld.com/p.blackman/biromash.h... * B3TA STUFF REVIEWED - we enjoyed this review of (your ginger furher) Rob Manuel's work over the years. It's both the level of detail and the utter missing the point that makes the whole thing a joy to read. http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Paper tossing Everywhere this week has been this neat little game challenging you to toss screwed up balls of paper into the bin. It's tricky - see how you do. http://www.sticky.tv/game/cyrkam_airtos/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * LAPTOP CONKERS - Say goodbye to old technology with the biggest game of conkers ever devised. * HITLER'S WHITTLERS - a site devoted to beachcombers who carve elaborate Nazi figurines out of driftwood. * AFTER HOURS BOOZE ALERTS - A mobile texting service that alerts users to the location of the nearest off-license illegally selling alcohol after 11pm. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by Sonicboozy, dominicmikulski, jspearmint, essexjan, pete/moving-picture & justinb. Top Tippery, additional linkage and star stuff by Fraser "not Fazer" Lewry. Other star suggestions from Tomsk. Board research by Fnorditch. Image challenge handled by Mystery Bob. Proofing by b4ta. With guns.(77697) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Use toothpaste to clean your piano keys. This assumes that the keys are made from high grade ivory ripped from the carcasses of freshly slaughtered elephants. It doesn't work with cheap pianos. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive