we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 144: "KITTZENSHITZEN" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * WEEBL - His catchiest tune yet? * GAMES - Friday game special * HUMAN ZOO - the staff of Harrow council ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Weebl's Magical Trevor << Jonti has one mission in his life: to compose earworms. That is, songs so catchy that they'll stay in your head forcing you to go back and watch his work again, as if to scratch an itch. Magical Trevor is in this tradition and a work of evil genius. (Although we advise you give the smiley banner-ads a wide berth.) http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/37/ >> Virtua flick-book << "This is my attempt at simulating the simple pleasure of a flick-book for a paperless environment", claims Monkeon, "the feel of paper sliding between your fingers being replaced by the rougher texture of plastic keys brushing against your filthy paws." To translate from Monkeonese, he means rub your pinkies over the keys to play his animation - you can always rely on Monkeon to bring innovation to areas others frankly wouldn't bother with. http://www.monkeon.co.uk/flickbook/ >> David Blunkett Cactus << David Blunkett and Sadie are the UK's cutest couple. David is the blind MP behind quips like, "You don’t need a guide dog for hindsight." And Sadie? She's his faithful mutt who stops him walking into cars. Enjoy Mushybees prickly take on politics. http://www.mushybees.com/blunkett ------------------------------------------------- : GOOD AND BAD Stuff this week which is er.. good or bad >> GOOD: X-files creator to make movie << Chris Carter is preparing to make his feature film directorial debut. His sci-fi thriller, tells the story of a future society in which genetic testing allows plod to bang-up those with a predisposition for violence. Can't wait. >> GOOD: Victor Malloy's Cure cover << The Cure's Boy's Don't Cry has been slowed down and prettified with the addition of slide guitars. This years Mad World? We like it. >> GOOD: You Are What You Eat << TV Gold. Dr Gillian McKeith prosecutes some of Britain's worst eaters for crimes against their own bodies. How? By analysing their own shit. We'd love to see what she makes of ratemypoo.com >> BAD: accessable Odeon closing down << Odeon Cinemas' website was so shite that accessibility campaigner Matthew Somerville felt compelled to build a new version that actually worked. What did Odeon do? They closed him down. Twats. This man was generating them business. >> BAD: Geldof vetoes new Live Aid show << Bugger. We were looking forward to seeing Adam Ant and Nik Kershaw back on the stage. >> BAD: Jennifer Ellison Autobiography << Why bother publishing this? Yes it'll sell a few tabloids to council mums via serialisation, but the book itself will be left to pile up in remaindered book shops (You know the ones - they also sell Dale Winton’s autobiography and books about Harold Shipman.) ------------------------------------------------- : HUMAN ZOO Harrow Councillors Introducing Councillor Eileen Kinnear, a lady with spectacles that bridge an unholy union between Buddy Holly and Dame Edna. You'll need to scroll down to find her, but along the way you'll meet such treats as Rekha Shah (Shrek) and the The League of Gentlemen wannabe Christine Bednell. They should have gone to SpecSavers. http://www2.harrow.gov.uk/mgMemberIndex.asp ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> 80s TV ads bit-torrent << "I've just put my entire collection of 80s UK adverts online via bit-torrent", bellows Haku. Wow. Looking for a nostalgia fest this weekend? Grab all 271 adverts and veg out to three hours of "I love the 1980s" without the inane punditry. The more ambitious of you might like to cut up this material for cheap laughs. Make something good? Then send it in. http://linux.tc3net.com/darwin/80s/adverts/ >> Winnebago swear-fest << Surely one of the great joys of owning your own company is insisting on starring in your own adverts. Witness the out-takes as the CEO of a Winnebago-lot swears his way through a difficult shoot. http://homepage.mac.com/stevelyon/vacation/imovie.... >> Have a chav party << "Chav" has overtaken "Pikey" as the UK word of choice to describe what as a teenager we used to call "Kevins" or our Dad called, "Shits." Championing this linguistic revolution is chavscum.co.uk. This image from their site has been doing the rounds this week, generating "is it real?" comments all over the net. We think it might be a photo from a dress-as-a-chav party which is proving a popular gimmick for the nation’s young. How long before someone opens a School Disco style chav event? And the inevitable "Now That's What I Call Chav" R'n'B compilation? http://www.chavscum.co.uk/images/june2004/june041.... >> Mormon wankers << Enjoy this Mormonic tract on how to prevent wasting the population paste. Tips include, "Wear pajamas that are difficult to open" and "tie your hand to the bed frame." Surely this is the kind of stuff that's going to start a lifelong bondage and mumification fetish? http://www.phallic.org/mormon-masturbation.txt ------------------------------------------------- : BIT TORRENT TV Stuff we've haven't watched this week Other than the adverts we've seen bugger all torrents this week that are worth telling you about, so we're going to have a change of tack and see if we can persuade the torrent community to stick up some telly we would REALLY love to see. We're currently obsessed with post-apocalyptic 1970s British TV dramas. And you should be too. >> Survivors series II << Terry Nation is best remembered for the creation of The Daleks. However his finest TV was the first series of Survivor which charted a plague induced society breakdown. Nation didn't work on series two, but we're still desperate to see where the producers took the story next. No sign of a DVD or a torrent, so here's hoping. >> The Changes << Telling the story of a modern young girl who wakes up in a world that technology forgot. We read the Peter Dickinson novels at school, only recently realising that a TV adaptation existed. If you've got an old VHS at home please share it. Nerds need you. >> Doomwatch << More pre than post apocalyptic, Doomwatch was the 70s equivalent of the X-Files, using ecological disaster instead of aliens themes. Only two episodes of this moody series made it to DVD, again we plead with the torrenters of the world. Please stick it on-line. ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2 BNP, La la la, Weebl and Eric & Ernie >> URL trick of the week << "I've registered a BNP address," snarls 3dible, "and forwarded it to everyone's favourite fascist newspaper." Blimey. We're saying nothing. http://www.vote-bnp.tk/ >> La la la << Joel has recently discovered he can use his PC to make bad jungle. Thankfully he's promised to spare us from his LTJ Bukem impressions and only stick out the ones with silly voices. Extremely odd. http://www.rathergood.com/lalala/ >> Weebl on politics << Jonti isn't a big one for politics. Normally his conversation is limited to, "I've gone meat blind" and "No - I'm NOT a bummer." But he's had a go and raised a few smiles in B3TA HQ, and that's the important thing. http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/politics.htm >> Bring me sunshine << Ernie Wise & Eric Morecambe are the UK's best loved dead comics. Eclectech is a fan and has chosen to celebrate their greatness with a "midimusic extravaganza with monkeys and meerkats." Of course. It's how they would have wanted it. http://eclectech.co.uk/sunshine.php ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Nazi Kittens B3ta's haters have sometimes criticised us for our obsession with Nazis and kittens. We say kittzenshitzen! We also say yay for Nazis and a bigger yay for Kittens, but we were slightly surprised to be sent this photo of SS troops playing with a darling kitten. Cute. http://members.ozemail.com.au/~wilhelm.smith/image... BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on the web recently? Tell us. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the 'Visions of the Future: Circa 1950 Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted you to show us how the future would be, from the point of view of a 1950s scientist: http://b3ta.com/challenge/futurevisions/ We asked B3ta boarder 'Eclectech' to judge the entries - here are her 3 faves. Eclectech writes - #1 "Penguin of the future - because if I'd been a scientist in the fifties I know I would have been thinking about penguins with jet packs with a smile on my face. (cormee) http://b3ta.com/board/3436930 #2 "Don't worry about him not being able to breathe, he's had a nip of brandy first - I couldn't resist the slightly pompous British enthusiasm of this one. Splendid. (camel-related incident) http://b3ta.com/board/3435599 #3 "Ladies, your household troubles will soon be over! - wonderfully executed and made me snigger. (guplik) http://b3ta.com/board/3460779 "Do I get a special mention? If so it goes to Down on the farm for his fabulous burst of colour in a predominantly black and white challenge. And for his giraffe. http://b3ta.com/board/3437532 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, B3ta contributor Fetid Cheese gave us the suggestion, "Make stuff to sell on e-bay" http://b3ta.com/challenge/ebay/ ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME SPECIAL Three games for the price of one >> Dodge the blodge << In not possibly the most visually thrilling gaming experience you'll encounter this week - avoid the dots and hit the square. Every time you get it right another blob appears. Gets tricky quickly. http://www.fetchfido.co.uk/games/eskiv/eskiv.htm >> Bubble Trouble << Similar in concept to the previous game this production pulls out the stops on the visuals. Grab the bubbles to make yourself bigger - hence making your character more likely to hit a nasty. And it's got power-ups. Yay. http://www.freepgs.com/mindistortion/games/bubbles... >> Pointy clicky adventure << An adventure game ala Monkey Island. It looks gorgeous and has a tricky set of puzzles to solve. Might keep you busy 'til next week. http://www.abc.net.au/gameon/chasm/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * B3TA FAME ACCADEMY GRADUATE #1: Brian Mung writes, "In other news, MTV have picked up my Fancy Soup series, so that'll be screening before too long. Which is nice." http://www.brianmung.com/films.htm * B3TA FAME ACCADEMY GRADUATE #2: IceZebra writes - "As a result of the cartoons I started drawing on b3ta, I was contacted by Ragdoll (makers of Teletubbies) to see about becoming a writer for them. Heard from them today, I shall now be writing a new TV series for kids!" http://www.another-world.biz/icezebra/cartoons/ind... Well done to the both of you. 20% of your wages to the Swiss bank account like we agreed? ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * RESTUARTANT SPORTS - invent a new game using cutlery that we can play whilst waiting for service in an eating establishment. * CHEESE CHESS - made a board from Kraft singles and mould the pieces from Dairylea Triangles. * LIVEN UP RUSH HOUR - do something daft to entertain your fellow commuters and film it so we can show it to the people. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was writen by Robert Fox Manuel with David Dana Stevenson. Cuterosity via Joelosity. Star... suggestions from Tomsk. Links sent in by gypsychk, tom pennock, Trinketsandstuff, jaf/juggler827 and stuff/guernsey. Top Tippery by mictoboy Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord Fiesta. Image challenge handled by Mystery Bubba. Proofing by the b4 "not arf" ta . (76705) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Protect your plates whilst moving home by packing a paper plate between each one. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive