we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 143: "ANAL SEEPAGE" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * ANIM - Burnt Face Man * GAME - Chase the Button * VID - Horse Politics ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Adventures of Burnt Face Man << Super-hero parodies are two-a-penny on the web, so what makes Foyf's work different? The salty dialogue and quick editing make this a bit special. The talented shit. http://www.fat-pie.com/bfm.htm >> Test your mouse skills << Web junkies will remember holdthebutton.com - the game which challenged you to see how long you could press down the button on your mouse. AKX has expanded on this concept by making the button move. Simple, ingenious and infuriating. http://devever.net/pegercer/akx/dlg/play.html >> Anal Seepage << Give Joel a few pints and he'll start reminiscing about raving in the 90s. Old bastard. He's taken his love for dodgy old techno and combined it with his love of swearing. You will smile. http://www.rathergood.com/seepage/ >> Cunt of the week << Regular readers will know we've recently been running URL redirects, i.e. taking an address like fuckingnazis.com and forwarding to the Barclays bank website. B3ta reader Tony has hit on a novel variation. He's registered cuntoftheweek.co.uk and plans to point it to different people every seven days. http://www.cuntoftheweek.co.uk/ >> Snails must die << Ben Wheatley is best known for cutting up photos of cocks and making them pulse in time to mashed-up records. For a change of pace he's created a Big Brother-style real world web event where snails from his garden are placed in "Snailhausen" and you can vote who gets killed next. Ben then smashes them with a brick and puts up the videos for your entertainment. Most serial killers start with killing animals. We worry about Ben. http://www.mrandmrswheatley.co.uk/snailhausen/snai... ------------------------------------------------- : GOOD AND BAD Stuff this week which is er.. good or bad >> GOOD: End of Wimbledon << Hooray. Back to normal TV schedules. Although with the Olympics looming, that means less Quincy and more synchronised swimming. >> BAD: School summer holidays << Loads of snot nosed little bastards are off school and filling our streets. >> GOOD: 1.5MB broadband << We've upgraded the pipe at B3ta Towers and it fucking rocks. You need this. >> BAD: George Michael closing net forum << Stroppy toilet enthusiast George has closed his messageboard as fans dared to fill it with critical posts. The resulting PR disaster has been picked up round the world. George - you silly monkey - simply replacing your board with a "this site is down for maintenance" would have done the trick. >> GOOD: Hollywood sequels << Tinsel town isn't known for producing good follow-ups. The trend has been bucked with Shrek and Spider-man - the sequels being better than the originals. Yay for summer blockbusters. ------------------------------------------------- : OB3TAUARY Frank Robinson, 'Xylophone Man' The legendary Xylophone Man was Nottingham's favourite busker, better-known for his winning personality than his musical skills. We ran an interview with him at the beginning of this year and he seemed like a thoroughly nice man. RIP, old chap. http://www.leftlion.co.uk/articles.cfm ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Awesome horse political video << Problem: Politics is utterly, incontinently dull. Solution: Reel the voters in with an incredibly dramatic election vid. And to make it more exciting, the candidates should all be pretty horses. This is just great. Frankly, if Blair wants our vote now, he'll have to gallop for it. In slow-motion. (Warning: a big download) http://www.illegal-art.org/video/vcd/BlackThunder_... >> Space race rudeness << Our mama told us that life is like a box of chocolates: You never know when it's going to throw you an unexpected cock treat. The case in point - an innocent diagram of rocket trajectories reveals, in glorious detail, that Apollo Mission Control scientists may have had their minds on other things. http://zebu.uoregon.edu/~js/space/images/apollo_mi... >> Ultimate Goth interior design << This ossuary in the Czech town of Sedlec is very macabre and yet fantastically beautiful. The entire church is lavishly decorated with human bones and there is a Jolly Roger instead of the usual cross on the steeple. Apparently this "is not uncommon in Europe." Hmm. Maybe. http://www.ludd.luth.se/~silver_p/kutna-1.html >> Break-dancing bear << Well, alright, a break-dancing man in a bear suit. But he's going like the clappers! The raison d'être of this site is 'little dancing screen-grabs, with cheery music' - and what could be wrong with that? You can look at an archive by clicking the red exclamation mark at the top left. But do so at your own risk, as about a third of the stuff is based on very nasty porn. Goatse Roulette, anyone? http://dickcream.com/history/0702/ >> RealDoll surgery << There's something a bit gruesome about dolls and more so the more detailed they are. These shots of repairs on the reputedly hyper-realistic RealDoll sex dolls are icky. But quite funny, too. http://www.realdolldoctor.com/miscindex.htm ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Abandoned baby otters Who can fathom the mind of a female otter? We can't think what could have possessed her mum to reject winsome mite Snowdrop. Just look at her frolicking with a baby bottle - butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. http://snipurl.com/7mqi BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on the web recently? Tell us: http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2 News, Game Quiz, Stickers, Ninjas and Video >> Action News skit << Last week we celebrated a great spoof ad for the New York Times from Gbehh. He writes - "Thanks for featuring my movie. It made the voices in my head very happy." Hey - no problem. And we're pleased to report he's been making more. This time a trailer for Action News - the news show that's all action. We recommend checking out the rest of his site - he's clearly a new talent. http://www.gbehh.com/toons/action6.html >> Gamer quiz << "We've made a really stoopid quiz about computer games", writes Dngdng, "It's most droll." We like this. You'll have to know a bit about gaming to play but the presentation moves web quizzes on a bit. http://davidguy.brinkster.net/quiz/n3taquiz.html >> Help! I'm trapped in a sticker factory << Ever caught the underground and wondered, "Who makes those stickers that make no sense?" Let us point you in the direction of Thomas Scott who's been covering London with 100s of the damn things. He'll also sell you a few stickers dirt-cheap for sticking in your city. http://www.thomasscott.net/stickers/ >> Ninja race << Making web videos for other people's songs has been a core element of B3ta's output. Now Jonti Picking has got in on the act with a Ninja animation for a pacey bit of techno from Hexstatic. He's even managed to add a few jokes - great stuff. http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/36/ >> BBC Motion Stupidity << A couple of weeks back we asked you muck about with the video that the BBC have sticking online. Blugg has been doing some great stuff in the area. Check out his series - can you you beat him? http://blugg.com/_b3ta/b3tamotion3.html ------------------------------------------------- : BIT TORRENT TV Stuff we've watched this week >> Dark Skies << Last week we described Dark Skies as enjoyable, sub-X-Files tosh. We were wrong. We've now watched all 20 episodes and the scope of the story telling is fantastic - weaving a huge, complex conspiracy of alien contact behind world events. It's a tragedy that the creators didn't get the opportunity to realise their five season vision taking the narrative from Charlie Manson under alien control, through Ronald Reagan initiating the Star wars program to fight aliens, to finally George Bush pulling a Neville Chamberlain-style "Peace in Our Time" appeasement with the invading extra terrestrials. >> Curb Your Enthusiasm << We're fans of the TV binge here at B3ta Towers, but not in this case. Larry David has created a misanthropic comedy so tart, so poignantly embarrassing, that the best we can manage is one every couple of days. A bitter treat. >> Joey << There's been a lot written lately about the 'end of a TV era' with recent cancellations of classic series like Friends and Frasier. So much so that we must have taken leave of our senses, deciding to check out Matt Le Blanc's new spinoff series. It's awful, just awful, and it made us sad. Still, it is only the first episode and it could get loads better. Loads. ------------------------------------------------- : 100 ISSUES AGO TODAY "Get Your Mates Sacked" We take a quick look back at the best links in issue 43 of the B3ta newsletter. >> A History of Photo Montage << B3ta contributor Pabulum brought us a backwards look at cutting up images. Still as relevant today as it was then. http://www.cutandpaste.info/ >> Top 10 Cutest Kittens << Your uber ginger ruler Rob Manuel opened the bumper book of web jokes and read the chapter marked 'misdirection' bringing you a URL that looks like it's going to be cute and delivers something loud and sweary. http://b3ta.com/top-10-cutest-kittens/ >> Pavarotti Elephants << Joel had a copy of the same book and he read the chapter marked 'misheard lyrics'. It's a classic example, although we're still waiting for his once-promised "Sue Lawley / So Lonely" Police Flash. http://www.rathergood.com/elephants/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the 'I Didn't Know it Did That!' Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted you to show us the hidden features in stuff: http://b3ta.com/challenge/didntknow/ We asked B3ta boarder 'Dobsky' to judge the entries - here are his three faves. Dobsky writes - #1 "Paper jam - Simply fantastic. Cracking pun that made me giggle like a loon. (guplik) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3406366 #2 "Anti Pigeon dish - Great animation and sponged pigeons. Who couldn't love this? Besides the pigeons being killed by the death rays that is. (Lordgert) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3407711 #3 "Makes calls too! - He he he, I really love this one and it's quite true as well. (Rainbow_girl) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3403896 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, the enigmatic and strangely handsome Challenge Dictator gave us, "Visions of the Future: circa 1950" http://b3ta.com/challenge/futurevisions/ ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Click boxy woo fun At first we thought this game was a pile of shit. We clicked about and bugger all happened. Then a friend suggested we have another gander and try dragging the objects on the screen. Aha! We get it. It's a multi-level single screen puzzle game. Following its own rules of logic, you probably haven't played a game quite like this. Great. http://nocircles.com/index.php ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * SPOOF PHONE CALL - Last week we featured an animation based on a persistent caller's quest for butt-plugs. Froopyscot writes to inform us that the original prank was by US duo Opie & Anthony. "They did quality comedy on radio stations in Boston and New York for years," he tells us, "before getting carried nationally in the US and getting fired shortly thereafter for their involvement in a bit which involved encouraging and broadcasting a couple having sex in a pew in New York's St. Patrick's Cathedral." http://www.foundrymusic.com/braincandy/displaymedi... * B3TA PICS IN THE PAPERS - The recent spate of football-related photoshops seems to have caught the attention of the national press. The Daily Mail is the latest to join the bandwagon, with this spread of "world wide wizardry on the web." http://www.recklessrecords.biz/b3ta/dailycockingma... ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * NEWSPAPERS CREDITING B3TA ARTISTS - it's not much to ask for. And karmically good. * DICTATOR PHONE - a telephone without a speaker so that we can bark orders without any backchat. * MORE TRANS PEOPLE - we're bored of the transgendered saving reality TV. We want transheighted - tall people who use surgery to release their inner dwarf. Send contributions via: http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by theamazingmr.kent, jake_mcmahon, Senator_Kenator and ablufia. Top Tippery by mofaha. Otters from DogHorse. Good / bad suggestions from Supermoore, Dobsky and VashTheStampede. Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by The Mouse That Fnord. Image challenge handled by Mystery Boobs. Proofing by b4ta's gay mafia. (75903) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Discourage ants from climbing inside your sugar pot by placing three or four cloves inside. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive