we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 142: "BETTER THAN LICKING BATTERIES" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * ANIM - Russian dolls go wild * HUMAN ZOO - Fat blokes dressed as Superman * VIDEO - Cats that love trees too much ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Russian dolls on holiday << "I have made this," writes Monkeon "in order to get over my recent obsession with Russian dolls." We hope it didn't help, as this is excellent stuff, and clever too. http://www.monkeon.co.uk/russiandolls/ >> "I kill cats" vid << "Greetings," booms Ethan T Berlin. "I think you will like my animations." We do, although they also frighten us immensely. http://www.gbehh.com/toons/nytimes.html >> Giant duck nature film << Thomas Scott has been busy working with David Attenborough to document the life of the rare Giant Amazonian Duck. It must be true: Look, it's all caught on camera! http://www.thomasscott.net/flash/duckling/ >> Dancing animal country << Cute little creatures, dancing through the countryside. There's more than a hint of our own Jonti Picking to this animated offering from Adz. But high-quality influences have yielded high-quality results and this is a lovely hymn to rustic niceness. http://homepage.ntlworld.com/adam.lambourne/dadsda... >> Weebl goes to Ikea - conclusion << Weebl concludes his Sweden-baiting Pikea trilogy with this fine episode of his eponymous cartoon. BTW: Jonti is looking to sell a DVD of his work. If you're interested, then remember to vote on his site. http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/pikea3.htm ------------------------------------------------- : GOOD AND BAD Stuff this week which is er.. good or bad >> GOOD: Firefox browser << Free from spyware, quicker than Internet Explorer and complete with fantastic tabbed browsing, Firefox has recently become our browser of choice. >> GOOD: Peyote mushrooms << Now being openly sold in shops by Camden market. Psychedelics are fun. Take advantage of the current laxity in law and spend your summer tripping. >> BAD: Labour banning smoking << Tony Blair is bringing in a smoking ban as a third term election pledge. Give up smoking? We'd rather vote Tory. >> BAD: BT capping ASDL bandwidth << Apparently it'll be £2 for every GB you go over your limit. We've cancelled our account and moved to Blueyonder. >> BAD: No Daleks on Doctor Who << The estate of Terry Nation is playing funny buggers over cash. BTW: We hope the rumour that Derren Brown is to play The Master is true. ------------------------------------------------- : HUMAN ZOO Superman convention The annual Superman festival in Metropolis, Illinois brings out a strange assortment of characters who enjoy dressing as the Man of Steel. If this is the result, we think only fashion models should be allowed access to superpowers. Everyone else looks shit. http://www.quixoticcrap.com/writings/superdudes.ht... ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> When tornados attack << The weather in the UK is pretty dull - either piss-weak sunshine that couldn't give skin cancer to an albino or wimpy spots of rain. We leave it to Japan for proper, manly weather of the future. They have cool shit like tornados attacking football games. Jammy bastards. http://www.drunkstunts.com/pafiledb/pafiledb.php >> Crap adventure game << Remember those point and click adventures like Space Quest and Myst? How much better would they be if the writers dispensed with the game element and simply concentrated on amusing you? Best bits? The oedipal time machine and the part with Hitler. http://www.atrianglemorning.com/games/which.php >> Best FAQ in the world << Mr Biffo is a writer most known for his irreverant games reviews on the Channel 4 teletext service Digitiser . His FAQ, detailing his falling out with his employers, makes entertaining reading. http://www.mrbiffo.com/biffofaq.htm >> Drunk game << Drink is one of man's finest inventions. It's no wonder that the phrase "best thing since canned beer" has entered the lexicon of the more discerning users of our language. Simulate the effects of heavy drinking without the downsides of liquid shit and losing your job in this hard-to-control game. http://www.wagenschenke.ch/ >> Painted rocks << The finest thing an artist can do is to be the one who sees what is already there. Artist George Witham is such a man. He combs beaches for interesting rocks, studies them for weeks then finally decides that a rock is a shoe and paints it accordingly. Wonderful stuff. http://www.surfwiz.com/paintedrocks.htm >> Cats love trees << Cats are stupid. Watch with glee this compelling evidence. Cat falls from tree, cat is very scared, cat runs back up tree. The clip is best enjoyed looped within your media player. http://pya.cc/pyaimg/img2/2004062919.wmv >> Spoof phone call << We've never had the courage to do crank phone calls but it's clearly a rewarding source of humour. Kinda Reality TV before all that crap was invented. This fine example has a chappy phoning a hardware store to buy some butt plugs. It's the insistency and limited dialogue that brings joy to our blackened hearts. http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/plugs.php ------------------------------------------------- : BIT TORRENT TV Stuff we've watched this week Pundits have been bleating on about the arrival of TV on demand for years. Who would have thought it would come, not via the studios, but from an ad-hoc collection of enthusiasts using filesharing software? Here's some of the stuff we've been enjoying recently: >> Deadwood << The main reason to watch HBO's gritty Western is Ian 'Lovejoy' McShane's scene-stealing turn as a violent and foul-mouthed pimp. But the rest is pretty solid, too. The series is beginning to show on UK satellite now, but it's worth tracking down some of the later episodes, when the pace begins to pick up. >> Monk << Adrian Monk is a private eye with a variety of obsessive-compulsive disorders. He's a brilliant detective, but spends most of his time cleaning things and rearranging pictures. We stumbled on this completely by chance and were both charmed by the witty script and amused by the crassness of mental illness played for laughs. This is the heir apparent to Columbo/Diagnosis Murder/your classic light-hearted lunchtime murder shows. >> Dark Skies << One of the many joys of torrenting is finding shows that aren't available on DVD. Dark Skies wowed us in the 90s with its enjoyable sub-X-Files nonsense of aliens and rewriting history. Our favourite moment is when our heroes meet Jim Morrison who seemingly can only converse in Doors lyrics, "Yeah man, people are strange." On seeing a locked building, "Let's break on through to the other side." Inspired tosh and worth a few hours of your time. ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Baby ferrets If you didn't think weasels could be cute, you are very wrong, as this photo gallery clearly demonstrates. Fact 1: Female ferrets are called Jills. Fact 2: The name Jill derives from the Greek ioulos - "downy-bearded". Erm. We think you can draw your own conclusions from that. http://snipurl.com/7hfq BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Chinese Penguin Conga It starts off easy: you control three cute little Chinese penguins, timing their jumps with the numbers on your keyboard. But as the game progresses, you get more and more penguins. Ultimately, you're a sweaty, spasming mess, trying to herd a conga line of nine of the buggers. Absolute genius. http://www.koreus.com/files/200406/themalibu9.html ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Cowboy Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted Cowboys! http://b3ta.com/challenge/cowboys/ We asked B3ta boarder 'Naive Amoeba' to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. Naive Amoeba writes - #1 "Lasso Tool - I love this, it's clever and a great use of Photoshop puns. (Chobb) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3373945 #2 "Itchy Nose - Great drawings, fluid animation and a nice joke. All 'round top stuff! (The Neville) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3377537 #3 "Cowboy Clive - Haha, very cute and a fab 'shop. Kinda trippy, if you've been watching it for about 3 days like me. (MrRush) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3374236 Finally, the 'bonus' winner is for Best Been Done Pun. There were a lot of great entries this challenge, and there was a definite ongoing pun - a play on the word cowboy. This one is the best though, it looks great and it's pulled off fantastically. (TheFelineAnarchist) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3383845 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, B3ta contributor 'The Fabulous Dancing Yak' gave us the suggestion, "I didn't know it did that!" http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/didntknow/ ------------------------------------------------- : 100 ISSUES AGO TODAY "Football Vs Art" We take a quick look back at the best links in issue 42 of the B3ta newsletter. >> Supporter or Deporter << It was the height of the 2002 World Cup and b3ta regular Monkeon was pissed off. He poured his footy hatred into this - still relevant - quiz. http://www.monkeon.co.uk/supporter/ >> Weebl makes pie << Blimey. This takes us back. The first ever Weebl & Bob. Didn't little Jonti do well? Who knew a pie empire would rise from this simple animation? http://www.weebl.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/b3ta/pie.htm... ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * LAMB ATTACK - regular readers will know we stick suggestions for new things at the bottom of the newsletter. Occasionally you even listen. Splatpunk writes, "You want it, you got it - 'Lamb Attack' its Defender with a primitive twist. Turn your speakers up and enjoy." Blimey. This is demented, hard to control and brought a huge grin to our CRT-weathered faces. http://www.splatpunk.com/flash/lambattack/lambatta... * B3TA PICS IN THE PAPERS AGAIN - but we think the Guardian is taking the piss by cropping the artists' credits. Boo hiss! http://www2.b3ta.com/clippings/b3taguardian.jpg ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * OCTAGONAL PANTS FOR OCTOPUSES - we're sick of denizens of the deep parading their octococks in our faces. * INFINITE INK PRINTERS - surely some kind of detachable squid would suffice? Simply feed it a few fish flakes and we'd collapse the fixed-price practices of the printer industry. Paper jams could be a bit stinky though. * PANTS IN THE POST - fresh underwear delivered everyday through your letterbox. Complete with return address sewn into the gusset. Finished wearing them? Simply pop them into the post box on the way to work. Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by inside_four_walls, wang_chinguk, davidguy, Daniel Brown, GuinnessJoe, charlieroker, munkehwill & eyeizsamsonitetoo. Top Tippery by gardening bloke on This Morning. Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord and Sorcery. Image challenge handled by Miss Terry Bob. Proofing by the silent b4ta majority. (75543) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: To ripen green tomatoes: simply place inside a brown paper bag with a banana and leave on a warm window sill for two days. The ethylene gas produced by the ripening banana will make your green tomatoes red. Then again, if you've got lots of green tomatoes, make chutney. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive