we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 140: "HAPPY CLAPPY BABY DONKEYS" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * GAME - Inverse invaders * URL GAMES - Cock hungry fuck sluts * B3TA RADIO - You've tales of being dumped ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > More URL re-directs << The trick of re-directing a rude URL to an ordinary corporate site is proving popular with our readers. Peter Holt has joined in the fun with this effort. Keep them coming. We'll be bored of them soon, but you've got a couple of weeks. http://www.cockhungryfucksluts.co.uk >> Invert's shoot-em-up << Young Jonti has been busy of late thinking thinky thoughts about games. This one is a particular curio: The game is a traditional shooter, with the twist that you control the base defences, attempting to destroy a solitary, heroic spaceship. Yay for playing Goliath for once! http://www.weebls-stuff.com/testy/shooter.php >> Heads and shoulders, knees and toes << Koit is on fire right now. He's continuing his theme of reworking kids' songs for evil. Fear his latest. We do. http://www.koit.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/heads.html >> Robot song << "I have been contemplating the psychological, social and financial consequences should robots ever develop true artificial intelligence." writes Mystery Bob. "I have collated my findings into Flash animated form." And so he has. Educational. http://www.mysterybob.com/robotsong.htm ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA RADIO You've been dumped You've been dumped, share your pain with us on the penultimate B3ta Radio show of the current season. http://www.b3ta.com/questions/your_dumped_stories/ * "To quote my hopefully soon to be ex-wife, 'It's not so much I've been sleeping with another man, more sort of....men...oh and you need to go to the STD clinic.' (mooglemania) * "My bf decided to dump me at Xmas. So, he bought me a present, and wrote on the tag 'thought you might need this, as you're dumped.' The present? An 8-inch vibrator. (Groovegenerator) * "I was dumped by my first boyfriend because he'd slept with my best friend, who was drunk at the time. Might not sound very spectacular, but we were all around twelve at the time. Hooray for rednecks." (GirnsieBabes) You can learn more about B3ta Radio and how to tune in here: http://b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Amusing place name finder << The best thing in the world ever - if you live in the UK, that is. Type in your postcode and it will find muck-happy place names near your house. Who could argue with the likes of Fanny Hands Lane, Shatton Moor or Menlove Gardens? Note: You'll probably get better results if you live in the North. If you're American, or foreign, try out postcodes like L1, WV3 or LS16. http://places2.jump-around.com/closest/ >> Gayest link in the world << What could be finer than an animtion of a man holding his penis, wearing school shoes, waving a sign saying "gay" whilst singing, "shut up and sleep with me?" Description doesn't do this justice - if you don't break out into a huge smile then you're dead inside. http://www.jurito.net/otro/shutup/xtina.html >> Flag judging << What the world has been crying out for: Someone to assess all the flags of the world and give them letter ratings in the manner of a pedantic schoolteacher. His methodology is totally uncontroversial. Writing your country's name on your flag is plain stupid, isn't it? http://ahpc-jp30.st-and.ac.uk/~josh/flags/meth.htm... >> Heavy metal cat << What would B3ta be without a link to a cat rocking out in some way or other. But this one is different. It's a real cat. Not sure if he's having a seizure but he's definitely giving it up for the gods of Rock. http://www.ebaumsworld.com/metalcat.html >> This is the future - circa 1983 << Synthtastic Soviet space race track. We really enjoyed the emphatic mangled English and the riffing on crappy video effects. By the way, it's trying to flog you a book - sod that, but great vid. http://www.molvania.com/video_medium_2.html >> Pumpkin case mod << We love nature and what could be better for Mother Nature than a biodegradable PC case Probably not so good for your computer though. Anyway, this chap has made computer chassis from hollowed-out pumpkins. http://home.wi.rr.com/lamepictures/pumpkinspoof.ht... >> Parental eBay auction << 'Humourous' eBay auctions are usually shit. We spare you from them weekly. But occasionally a back story will amuse us. Here, someone's mum is flogging their Playstation to punish him for drinking all the booze. http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll >> Earbags << You're a rugged, manly type (unless you're a lady). You live free, in the wild outdoors. But sometimes your ears get cold. What do you do? Get earbags. They won't make you look like a twat. At all. No. Twatty. http://www.earbags.com/pressroom/images/boat.jpg >> Gym class massacre << Get yourself a cup of tea waiting for this one to download, my old chum. Worth a bit of a wait though. Surprisingly effective use of sound effects and mime, as students run rampage during a dull PE lesson. http://www.oldeenglish.org/OldeEnglish.org_-_Gymcl... ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Happy clappy baby donkeys Tiny, bandy-legged baby donkeys and a cheery midi soundtrack. This turned B3ta Towers into a special school, as we all clapped and made mongy sounds of joy to the music. We hope it has the same effect on you. http://www.littlefriendsranch.com/New%20foals.htm BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Corporate Rebranding Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted existing institutions rebranded with names and logos that better reflect them. http://b3ta.com/challenge/corporaterebranding/ We asked B3ta boarder 'Matsimpsk' to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. Matsimpsk writes - #1 Labour Party rebranding - A few people made a similar joke, but this version is the simplest and the best. It's also satire, so if you don't find it funny, you're STUPID. (rigby) http://b3ta.com/board/3315022 #2 Razzla - I like smoking and I also like looking at pictures of chickybabes with their baps out. This splendid bit of, er, market repositioning would allow me to have a sly ogle, and then burn all the evidence of my onanism with a satisfying post-wank cigarette. Nice one! (Nebby) http://b3ta.com/board/3314698 #3 Tesco Vodka - Because pikies and rejects like alcohol too. (Kris Fucking Kristofferson) http://b3ta.com/board/3325656 Everyone else seems to sneak in a fourth choice, so I'm going to as well. This is here because mocking the afflicted is both big and clever, especially if they have stupid hair. Well done! (flares) http://b3ta.com/board/3336340 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, B3ta contributor Dr Poppers gave us the suggestion, "When the laws of physics pack up." http://b3ta.com/challenge/lawsofphysics/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * RUDE NAMES - Jane Charlesworth is a PhD student and writes, "I was collecting data for my research and came across this little gem. It's not the name of a person, it's the name of a gene! 5811..7259 note="unnamed protein product; fucK ORF (AA 1-482)" codon_start=1 "ORF in this context refers to 'open reading frame', which is the defining limits of a protein-coding region in a DNA sequence," She explains. "Can you tell how boring downloading DNA sequences is?!" That's fantastic! We're very, very bored of 'funny' names by now, but that's taken it to another level. If anyone can beat that, we'd love to here from you. If otherwise, stick it up your chuff-slit. ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * BIOSPHERE CASE MODE - imagine the joy of owning a PC with plantlife growing inside. Maybe the fan could create wind and the heat of the processor evaporate the moisture to create tiny rainclouds. * LAMB ATTACK - you play a farmer on a technologically backward planet. Aliens invade. No lasers for you, sunshine - your only defence is to sling vast quantities of defenceless livestock at the heavily-armed marauders. * ALLOFMP3 HACK FOR ITUNES - we love the song price at allofmp3.com and we love the iTunes application for playing our music. Can some evil programming genius hack them togther? Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by Joan, Hapax Legomena Silabub82, Roy van Rijn, scaper150, jsquishee & tom_schnurr. Top Tippery by Manic. Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord. Yay Fnord. Image challenge handled by the Increasingly Mysterious Bob. Proofing by b4ta on a mission of love. (74732) Enjoy this newsletter? Why not consider giving a donation to Scope? ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: When landscaping on large areas such as campuses simply plant/lay the grass and leave it for a few weeks without set pathways. The students will form their own natural paths across the grass that will clearly show where stone/gravel should be laid. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive