we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 139: "SUMMER HOLIDAY BEST OF" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * BEST OF - Stuff we've liked this year * RADIO - Gossip you've overheard ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Kittens on motorbikes << Rob Manuel & Joel Veitch have teamed up to bring you a video of a stunt kitten speeding round London on a motorbike. It's for a band called Youth of Britain and they'll be playing tonight (11 Jun 2004) at the London club Turnmills. They plan to project the video behind the band and attempt to play in time. We'll be popping down so say hello if you see us. http://www.youthofbritain.com/chillout/ >> Pricklers with attitude << Rapping cacti! Mushybees returns with the second in what we can only assume is an ongoing animated series with a foul-mouthed cockney cactus father-son duo. "Not entirely sure it's worth the wait," he faffs. We absolutely disagree. http://homepage.ntlworld.com/dirty.sanchez/cack02.... >> Flying grandad << "Hello there it's Mr Fancyteeth", writes the enigmatic King of Enigmas, Mr FancyTeeth," I've done this animation for the newsletter. It's all about my grandad." Hmm. Unless your grandad could fly, we doubt that very much. This week's Monkeon award for the most barking idea goes to... http://www.mantlepies.com/grandad.html >> Damon Albarn is a cunt << Oooh, we have a new talent lurking in B3ta town. His name is the Bowers Machine and he thinks the singer from Blur is a cunt. He has made this genius bit of video to prove it. BTW: As Blur's drummer Dave Rowntree is a reader of this very newsletter, we passed it on to him for his comments: "Fuck me, that is brilliant! You've got to admit, we all look like cunts in that picture." http://www.blogjam.com/blur/ >> Hey Hey 16k << Did you use a home computer in the 1980s? Then you have to see your ginger Fuhrer Rob Manuel's new flash video. It's based upon a catchy song by MJ Hibbett which according to Rob, "said something about my youth and made me feel bittersweet nostalgia. A bit like wanking whilst fantasing about an old girlfriend." http://www2.b3ta.com/heyhey16k/ >> Work of genius << Koit has been knocking about our boards for a while now - working on his songs and Traffic light animations. But with this one bit of work he's managed to capture our imaginations and take us with him into his special world by the power of sheer spasmoid tomfoolery. Warning: not safe for work. http://www.distaste.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/fc.html >> Come to Kenya << Weebl's talent has been growing like a marrow. Now we reap the bounteous harvest. These little lions and tigers are the best you'll ever see and the jingle is insanely catchy. We only hope the Kenyan Tourist Board is paying attention. Jonti says he'll swap all rights for two zebras. He's pregnant and needs the meat. http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/29/ >> We love Joel's cock << We've had our doubts about Joel's penile quality. We suspected it might be rather poor. But recently, we've had the chance to properly check it out and now we're converts. BTW: Joel is at his best when just being filthy and crude. If you don't laugh at the joyous finale to this, then you're dead inside. Dead, do you hear? http://www.rathergood.com/sumo_florist/ ------------------------------------------------- : BEST SHORT FILMS >> Look mum - I can fly << "After a bet with a friend," confides Thomas Scott, "I seem to have invented a new extreme sport. Unfortunately, my first attempt at it left me in the middle of some prickle bushes with a twisted ankle." Haha. We laughed so hard at this we made sex wee. Oh and he's wearing a b3ta shirt too. Woo hoo. http://www.thomasscott.net/bodysailing/ >> Underground mayhem << "Recently me and my mates attended a posh dinner thing at the Tower of London," writes Elliott Ingram, "It ended early so we were up for a bit of pissing around on the Tube. I filmed it all on my phone." Wow. These guys slide down the central bit of a really long escalator. Er... and then they fall off. Woo. http://www.bornsloppy.co.uk/Underground%20Mayhem%2... >> Skateboard-slide arm-break action << Nineclicks writes, "I have a video of my friend breaking his arm" while arseing around on a slide. Ouch, looks painful, but our cameraman is admirably unbothered by other people's pain. "I also made a cartoon version in Flash," he boasts. http://www.nineclicks.com/videos/armsnap.wmv >> Man waxing << Ross B and his friends enjoy pain. That must be the only explanation for them wanting all of their body hair removed on camera. Edited to the lovely music of Richard Strauss it kind of reminds us of the aversion therapy bit in Clockwork Orange. Now we vomit every time we see chest hair. http://www.rossb.co.uk/wax/ ------------------------------------------------- : BEST PROJECTS >> I turned my piss pink << "I managed to change the colour of my wee" writes Lurking Bon, "by eating a large jar of pickled beetroot. Just thought I'd share the joy. You should try it - the pink wee lasts all day." http://www.pressanykey.net/ >> Biggest fucking sandwich ever << We envy Dan405 for he is blessed. This week, he bought a loaf of common white bread and found it to be sliced not vertically but horizontally, thus giving him the biggest slices of bread ever created by blade of poorly-set-up machine. He's used this gift to create a sandwich fit for the gods. It's a thing of wonder. http://www.danontherun.com/sandwich.htm >> Teabag pyramids << Cunting Gordon! This is an achievement. Kamikazee Killmouse has stacked all his teabags in the manner of the ancient Egyptians. A majestic sight to grace any kitchen. In the very centre is a cursed bourbon biscuit. Or so it is said. http://www.zen16091.zen.co.uk/tea/more-tea-vicar.h... ------------------------------------------------- : BEST GAMES >> Kill the nuns << "It's been a while since I made a nun game," writes Brian Mung, "so here's the new one." Blimey. This is both lovely-looking and quite a tough challenge. Mung normally puts interesting animations at the end of his games - but we can't complete it to find out. http://www.brianmung.com/nungunner.htm >> Haggis hurling challenge << Everyone knows that haggises are furry little creatures that live in the hills of Scotchland. Eclectech has made a Flash simulation of what is obviously an ancient, and very cute, Scottish sport. http://holistech.co.uk/haggis.php >> Celebrity dustbin << The world was crying out for a web quiz based on celebrity dustbin raiding. Cometh the hour, cometh the man. Brian Mung: We bask again in the warm glow of your unique genius. http://www.brianmung.com/celebritepoubelle.htm >> Clay kittens II << The long-awaited follow-up to Richard Salter's fantastic game, Clay Kittens I. Animal cruelty isn't big or clever. But it is fun. Huzzah. http://www.richsalter.btinternet.co.uk/cks2/index2... >> Skydiving game << "I just finished this new game," badgers Jamie Fuller, "Please use it in your newsletter so I can get hit on by rich chicks and rock stars." Not a problem. We're sure you'll have supermodels on your dick like a shish kebab. Oh, and it's a good little game too. You have to fly your man through cartoon Goatse clouds, all from an unusual overhead perspective. http://jamiefuller.com/flash/goatse.php >> Leopardy Jeopardy << Last week we asked you to create a game called Leopardy Jeopardy mostly because we liked the name. However Andy Shan has come through in spades. You'll need to grab someone from the office to play with you. Unless, like in Fight Club, you have some sort of super-competitive alter-ego to press the Z key while you're asleep. http://snipurl.com/6koz ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA RADIO Stuff you've overheard Every Friday we grab an evil hour on the London station Resonance FM. This week we're talking about the stuff you've overheard. Our favourites include * "Chubby 5yr old on the bus this morning. Mum: 'So what we going to have for lunch then Bobby?' Bobby: 'Monkeys and Cabbage!' * "2 old ladies passed me on the street once, but all I heard was: 'One cucumber amongst thirty-five of them, Joyce' * "Couple on a bus in Bristol: 'I loves yer, I shags yer, I buys yer chips, and yer still does me 'ead in.'" All this and more on the site: http://b3ta.com/questions/stuff_youve_overheard/ We've also invited the king of overheard gossip The Man Who Fell Asleep into the studio for a chat. Read his site - it's funny: http://www.themanwhofellasleep.com/gossip.html You can learn more about B3ta Radio and how to tune in here: http://b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Kids TV Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted Kids' TV shows reimagined to make them unbroadcastable. http://b3ta.com/challenge/kidstvgonewrong/ We asked B3ta boarder 'Vork' to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. Vork writes - #1 "Jimbo and the Twin Towers - What a cunt. Picture's Happiness Factor: 43" (Kris Fucking Kristofferson) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3286187 #2 "Postman Pat - Soup For A Cat. Picture's Happiness Factor: 39.5 (sick_boy) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3285639 #3 "Cunt Fuckula - I'm a big fan of gratuitous swearing. This one hit the spot. Picture's Happiness Factor: 32 (tittu fruity) http://www.b3ta.com/board/3287173 And a special mention for Cheb's Sooty picture because that's how I imagine Sooty would talk, the mucky bastard. http://www.b3ta.com/board/3286533 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, the Challenge Dictator decreed that we should do some "Corporate Rebranding." http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/corporaterebranding/ ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Image challenge handled by Mystery Bob. Patrick Wood is a cunt. Proofing by the ginger b4ta monkeys. (75069) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Cure stinky trainers by cutting open several tea bags and pouring the leaves into the offending footwear. Leave them for a good 24 hours, then vacuum the leaves out. And presto trainers fit for a king. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive