we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 135: "WE'VE NOT MET THE RIGHT GIRL YET EITHER" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * ANIM - Damon Albarn is a cunt * RATHERGOOD - biggest cat ever * RADIO - MJ Hibbett live ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Damon Albarn is a cunt << Oooh, we have a new talent lurking in B3ta town. His name is the Bowers Machine and he thinks the singer from Blur is a cunt. He has made this genius bit of video to prove it. BTW: As Blur's drummer Dave Rowntree is a reader of this very newsletter, we passed it on to him for his comments: "Fuck me, that is brilliant! You've got to admit, we all look like cunts in that picture." http://www.blogjam.com/blur/ >> Rathergood & B3ta collaboration << A few weeks ago Rob Manuel and Joel Veitch were sent a CD with a note, "adore your stuff. We're a band called Youth of Britain. Fancy knocking us out a video?" We listened to their music, loved it, and thought, "yeah. Let's do it." http://youthofbritain.com/guvnor/ >> Racist Welsh Gollywog << Back in the 50s Gollywogs were popular kids toys in the UK. They've fallen out of favour due to concerns about racial stereotyping. This doesn't seem to worry the Welsh though, who are happy to not only sell them in toyshops, but place them in police cars with a white driver. Thanks to Chris OTR for this bit of opportunistic snapping. http://b3ta.com/board/3164863 ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA RADIO Revenge stories & MJ '16k' Hibbett sings live >> Question of the week << Each week we ask you a question and use the best material for our lovely little radio show. Here are some of our favourite stories this week: * "Someone who left their job recently printed 'cunts' in 8 point pale grey on a couple of reams of paper, and filled the photocopier with it." (Supermoore) * "In a certain North London Fire Station, there is a photograph of the then Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher. She is surrounded by the boys of Red Watch and smiling whilst holding a large mug of tea. Each of the firemen in that photo had specially wiped their dirty, stinking cocks around the inside of the mug before her 'photo-op' visit." (george_w_anker) * "Utter bitch of a flatmate / landlady was on the slim-fast diet. I swapped her slim-fast for Build-Up. She never twigged." (badhorsey) All these stories and more on the site: http://www.b3ta.com/questions/revenge/ >> Oooh... Special Guest << Our retro gaming nerdstalgia video did rather well last week. Hundreds of thousands of views from around the world - we were even asked by a Norwegian TV show called Nerd for our permission to show the video this coming Sunday. (Er.. we said yes.) In celebration of our pan-media conquistador-ing we've invited the songwriter MJ Hibbett into the radio studio to perform three of his songs live. If you missed Hey Hey 16k last week then here it is again: http://www2.b3ta.com/heyhey16k/ So catch b3ta radio at 4pm BST today, Friday the 13th of May on 104.4FM in London, or via the live streaming web link: http://www.resonancefm.com/resonance.m3u ------------------------------------------------- : HUMAN ZOO Gay Marvin Homosexualists have provided pin-up fodder to teenage girls since pop music began. The trick is to claim in interviews, "you haven't met the right girl yet" whilst letting your manager give you one up the shitter after every appearance on CD-UK. Maybe that's all about to change. Meet Gay Marvin. He's er.. called Marvin, he's gay and he's the fag hags' favourite. He even includes handy tips on resurgence of the 50s gay slang, Palare. Will the pop buying kids take him to their hearts as a particularly glamorous Ken doll? Or will pop managers carry on advising that gay men stay in the closet? Anyhows, vada his site if you like chicken. (in a basket) http://www.hussey.uk.com/gallerymarvin.htm ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Panda Golf "The whole office has been playing Panda Golf all week" moans Spammage2000, "Like a decent crack habit it's a lot of fun at first but then ruins your life." Woot. This is a lovely little game which we'd still be playing now if we didn't have a newsletter to write. http://www.boberil.com/pandafgolf/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Jesus action figures << Yeah yeah yeah. Seen it all before, but this vid is grrrrreat. BTW: If you enjoy this, why not drop a quid in their tipjar. They are running out of bandwidth and are about to get a big bill. http://www.jesus-action-figure.com/ >> Throw the ball << Enjoy this simple, charming and effective interactive toy where you move a ball about whilst a crowd of hands catch it. http://clownstaples.toiletstall.us/swf/arms12.swf >> William Shatner update << "A couple of issues ago you had a link to a site that featured the acting talents of the great Shat" emotes Grubbymitts, "I've found a site with his singing talents too." Woo. This made us laugh out loud. Tried it on the missus and she sat stony faced - so maybe it's just one for the geekier readers. http://whatsnewkhan.ytmnd.com/ >> Pixel toy << We love the web and we love the very pixels it's made from. There's something about big pixels that gives us the horn. Imagine the size of our collective erection when we found we could buy plastic pixels and build things from them. Fantastic. http://www.thinkgeek.com/cubegoodies/toys/6950/ >> Plastic wank aid << Oh Jesus. The crap people think up and sell. This one just turns our stomach. For God's sake - what's wrong with a good honest hand shandy? http://www.exet.nu/html/sales/softie/softiework.sh... ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Highland calves. We all know that Highland cattle rock bells. But have you ever seen a baby one? You're in for a ginger treat. http://www.lauriecampbell.com/printshop/pages/p20_... BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : BIT TORRENT TV What we've been watching this week The cool kids have given up on DVDs and Sky+ and now download their TV directly from the web using Bit Torrent. Here's some of the stuff we've looked at in the last few days. >> Millennium Series Two << Chris Carter's follow-up to the X-Files improves greatly with season 2 - as it concentrates on the deeper mythology, eschewing single episode stories in favour of a series arc. It's spooky and engaging stuff. Certainly better than the "serial killer of the week" approach of the earlier season. >> Angel - penultimate episode << Joss Wheedon's Angel draws almost to a close leaving the writer free to work on his film adaptation of TV-flop Firefly. >> Tripods series 2 - one episode << Part of the joy of torrenting is finding stuff that isn't simply ripped off recent TV or DVD but stuff from fans private VHS collections - shared simply because fans are passionate. The second series of the Tripods has never had a DVD release, and this lonely episode makes us wish we could see more. FYI: Ceri Seel - the young actor who played Beanpole - after leaving the show became a Buddhist, lived with Ian Brown from the Stone Roses and died a couple of years ago from a long term mystery illness. Poor chap. Down all this stuff and more via the rather wonderful suprnova: http://www.suprnova.org/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2 Mad car, Evil clowns and crabs >> Mad person's car << "I don't know the 'artist' personally," writes taiwan_on, "but I saw this fantastic car and took some pics of it. Seems this woman collects those 'free with fast food purchase' toys and glues them all over the roof of her car." Blimey. What a nutter. Fantastic though. http://snipurl.com/6ejy >> Evil clown << Clowns. They leave us indifferent but our inbox disagrees. You hate them. You fear them. And this short will give you the willies. Blame the inappropriately named Happyperson for giving you the fear: http://www.happyperson.co.uk/clown.html >> Odd crab thing << "Hello guys," trills Andy Shan," I've made this story about a guy, a crab and a levitating head." Er... this is just odd, but we actually rather enjoyed it. Maybe you will too. http://snipurl.com/6ek0 ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the One Million Years BC Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted to see what things were like one million years before chips: http://b3ta.com/challenge/onemillionyearsbc/ We asked B3ta boarder 'Dr Nick Riviera' to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. Dr Nick writes - #1 "It'll never catch on - Beautifully done, and gives a rare insight into the sophisticated tastes of our ancestors. (Darryn.R) http://b3ta.com/board/3153546 #2 "The advent of razors - This is puerile, rude and childish, which is why I love it. It also explains why Cavey needs his big club, the poor inadequate. (Oldwhit) http://b3ta.com/board/3152957 #3 "We would have evolved so much better - Top notch. Great drawing skills, simple concept, and a warning to us all." (Devilstick) http://b3ta.com/board/3157167 "I'd like to mention Haku for finding the origins of my favourite meme. Also, anyone who disagrees with these results is welcome to arrange a fight with me." http://b3ta.com/board/3152563 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, B3ta contributor "Sue Denham" gave us the suggestion, "Things you don't want to see in hospital" http://b3ta.com/challenge/hospital/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * SPITFIRE VID - "I live about a mile from where last week's video was recorded (Eastleigh, Hants)." barks Timothy Claypole. "They recently put up a metal wire frame type thingy of a spitfire on the nearest roundabout to the airstrip, only, and you'll like this, it's erected next to a GERMAN car manufacturer showroom (namely Mercedes). In fact, it's orientated in such a way that it looks like the spitfire has strafed the building!" ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Games we'd really like to see include * CROSSSWORDS - a game based upon not pissing in another mans wee stream in a public urinal. Crossing swords makes you instantly gay - hence losing the game. * EIFFEL TOWER PENNY DROP - you're a tourist. Drop coins from a great height to kill the French. Extra points for killing mime artists. * LEOPARDY JEOPARDY - a game for two where each player sticks their hand further into the cage. Winner is the first person not to lose an arm. Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by amazongirl_uk, strangequark, mike trinder & Jon Tollman. Top Tippery by Ravey Davey. Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord. Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder. Proofing by the happy b4ta monkeys. (75005) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: You're going out and you're going to drink a load of booze. You know you'll feel like shit in the morning, but equally that when you come back in you can't be arsed to do anything to prevent it. Before you go out, put a chair on your bed. On that chair carefully balance a glass of water and two paracetomols. When you drunkenly stumble home, you'll have to drink the water etc. before you're able to crawl into bed. Or, at the very least, you'll have an exciting pissed-up challenge. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive