we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 128: "INVENTING NEW SPORTS" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * ANIM - Monkey vs. Skateboard * SPORT - Crap new extreme sport * B3TA RADIO - Joel Veitch sings live ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Monkey danger << "I've been a bit worried recently," taps Dr. A, "Y'know, about skateboard safety and that. Rather than hide in a cupboard and cry, I thought I'd put together a jolly cartoon show to warn the kids." Fucking hell. This caught us by surprise. It's cocking great. http://homepage.ntlworld.com/ashen1/ashen/cartoon/... >> Alien zoo << "Here's a little music/animation thing my friends and I are doing," writes Bobby Z," We're building up to a full-length release in May." Huzzah. This has a neat visual style based on dithering photographic images down to two colours, oh and a chunky pub rock production that brings to mind the work of b3ta contributor Mystery Bob. Great stuff. http://www.alien-zoo.com/alienzoo.html >> Zombie kitten game << "What do you do when you're an innocent young pink kitten," purrs Matazone, "that's travelling across a graveyard as dusk falls and then you get attacked by zombies? You pull out a dog-firing mortar cannon of course." http://www.matazone.co.uk/night_of_the_zombie_kitt... >> Mad eBay transcript << "I've met this guy called Ralph", writes Kimbal, "Do you think he deserves a bit of fame?" Oh yes. He's obviously a complete nutter. Thank God we're too lazy to ever auction our unwanted crap on eBay - it's clearly full of freaks. http://www.mypole.co.uk/ralph.htm >> Look mum - I can fly << "After a bet with a friend," confides Thomas Scott, "I seem to have invented a new extreme sport. Unfortunately, my first attempt at it left me in the middle of some prickle bushes with a twisted ankle." Haha. We laughed so hard at this we made sex wee. Oh and he's wearing a b3ta shirt too. Woo hoo. http://www.thomasscott.net/bodysailing/ >> Period table << Muffrat got in touch and says, "After your request in the previous newsletter for menstrual euphemisms based around the periodic table, I couldn't resist. Some of them are pretty desperate (54-Xe was a particular cunt, as was anything with the letter a, of which there were many), but some are quite good. My personal favourites are 9, 34, 42, 51 and 87." http://www2.b3ta.com/periodic/periodtable.gif ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA RADIO Joel & Alex Veitch sing This week we've invited Joel & Alex into to the studio to sing. They'll be playing classics such as "Giant Bee" and "We Like Tha Moon." We were round his house yesterday and were rather amused to see that all his odd characters are actually his flatmates - check out these snaps we took with our phone: http://b3ta.com/features/joelsflat/ It will be fun this week, so tune in with your handsome hosts and writers of this very newsletter Rob Manuel and David Stevenson. You can learn more about b3tarRadio and how to tune in here: http://b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA SHIRTS For sale. It's coming up to Easter. We think giving chocolate eggs to celebrate the death of Christ is passé. The cool kids are giving each other b3ta T-shirts. Better than chocolate. Trust us. http://www.b3ta.com/shop/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Magic 8-Ball dissection << Making decisions is hard. Thank God someone invented the 8-Ball to take the work out of it. But have you ever wondered what's really inside? Tiny mind-control pixies? Small kittens of ambivalence? Find out here. http://8ball.ofb.net/procedure.html >> Downloading movies << Pissing heck. Classic 60s horror movie Night of the Living Dead has been released to the public domain and you can download it on the web. The more creative of you might want to cut it up and make your own skits and movies. The rest of you? Well you could just watch it. Warning: big fucking file that'll take you all night to grab. http://www.archive.org/movies/collection.php >> Skidmark security << Tips for burglars: You've broken into a house. You're looking for jewellery. You find some nasty shitty keks. That's where the valuables are. http://www.shomertec.com/item.cfm >> Pop stars and their Spectrums << A quirk of history is that some 7" records in the 80s came with computer software on the b-side. The Shaking Stevens racing game made us shit tears. http://www.kempa.com/blog/archives/000053.html >> Train set in a briefcase << Busy executive? All grown up and still want to play trains? Then take this to work. No one will be able to spot that you're a complete dork. Unless your beard gives it away. http://www.gaugemaster.co.uk/noch.html >> Goth boy << Thank fuck there was no web when we were teenagers - otherwise we too would have been sticking up photos of our goth selves to be laughed at by the whole world. http://mavra.perilith.com/~aard/mirror/mutilator14... >> Cover your office in Post-Its << Bored this afternoon? Why not festoon your office in Post-It notes? And then email 3M and impress the company so much that they send you more. It's all actually rather pretty. Maybe you'll want to try using a different stationary product. Paint all the PCs with Tip-ex, fill the sprinklers with toner or something. http://www.interactivetools.com/staff/dave/damons_... >> Shopping channel video << Satellite TV can be cheap and nasty. Having barely enough budget to get stuff on means there's no room for error. Like when you cut yourself with a huge samurai sword. http://snipurl.com/5bxc ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Squirrels Lovely set of a pics of a chappy feeding a squirrel through his window. Finishes with the money shot of Cat vs Squirrel. Charming stuff. http://www.funpic.hu/ot2/ot8770.jpg BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Whoah! Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted shocking things that had appeared overnight to freak us out: http://b3ta.com/challenge/whoah/ We asked b3ta boarder 'Jim, Keeper of the Strawberry Dragon' to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. Jim writes - #1 "George was in for a shock when he woke up... - yay for Corporate America! Tomorrow morning it'll be a Subway. Funny because it's true. (mikeCUK28) http://b3ta.com/board/2920166 #2 "God's Hangover - and on the 7th day, he got pissed out of his skull. Top-class use of God-sponging. (Fat Boab) http://b3ta.com/board/2927410 #3 "Crap tales from medieval punland - strictly. it's not what the compo was after, but extreme punnage meets yellow pixel men and lots of pixel blood?? It had to go in..." (Robin Johnson) http://b3ta.com/board/2926032 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, Rob decided that in the wake of the success of 'SPepper' we should come up with more co-joined product innovations: http://b3ta.com/challenge/gloots/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * XYLOPHONE BUGGERY - long-term b3ta readers with remember Buffy's Swearing Keyboard, which is still making news 3 years later. Latest is finding the X key graffitied onto an abandoned shopping centre. Huzzah. If you spot any more b3ta graffiti then get in touch. http://www.garfnet.org.uk/pictures/index.htm * BIG RIG GAME PARODY - last week we linked to a crap flash game that amused us mainly for being so easy and going "You're Winner!" for doing sod all. Turns out it's an entirely accurate spoof of a real game foisted onto an unsuspecting public last year. This review made us laugh. http://www.gamespot.com/pc/driving/bigrigsotrr/rev... * SWEARING C4 THINGY - "Further to the Channel 4 sweary celebs link in #126," writes Joe McNally, " I appeared on Richard & Judy several years ago and was privileged to hear Richard describe some telly award they'd won the night before as 'looking like a pig's cock'." ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * FLASH-BASED SELF HYPNOSIS REGRESSION APPLICATION - regress back to being Joan of Arc from the comfort of your browser. * SECRET LANGUAGE INSULTS - how to tell deaf people to fuck off in sign language and semaphore to insult sailors. Might work best as an article-based bit of research. * HAY-FEVER SIMULATOR - big close-up of a face. Catch the sneezes with your hanky mouse. Avoid the pollen. Don't roll in the grass etc. Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by James Barnard, Hollowaymartin, Whizzbang, Sarah Toner, Rob H, Dancentury, Loz, and the 40 people who sent links about the Big Rig game. Top Tippery by Clydefrog Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord. Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder. Proofing by the woo b4ta yays. (72612) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: If you have any jewellery (silver is best) that needs a good clean, wait until you go out for a curry (or other establishment) that serves those lemony hot towel things after your grub. Use these towels to buff your adornments - they'll come up super-shiny! next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive