we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 124: "MOMMY, MY ARM'S GONE ALL FLOPPY" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * Plant life - Cactus Rap * Outrage - Gay sailors for kids * Swearing - Flintsones vs. Raging Bull ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Pricklers with attitude << Rapping cacti! Mushybees returns with the second in what we can only assume is an ongoing animated series with a foul-mouthed cockney cactus father-son duo. "Not entirely sure it's worth the wait," he faffs. We absolutely disagree. http://homepage.ntlworld.com/dirty.sanchez/cack02.... >> Happy poster project << Manic is a man on a mission. He wants to spread smiles and happiness through the entire world. You can help him out by displaying one of his lovely, happy animal posters in your window. We're particularly fond of the elephant in a wheelbarrow. It looks demented. http://www.bloggerheads.com/happy/ >> Skateboard-slide arm-break action << Nineclicks writes, "I have a video of my friend breaking his arm" while arseing around on a slide. Ouch, looks painful, but our cameraman is admirably unbothered by other people's pain. "I also made a cartoon version in Flash," he boasts. http://www.nineclicks.com/videos/armsnap.wmv >> Cheese + cat = starfish << Don't reverse the polarities, is the moral of this sorry animated tale by SiX. Or don't feed cheese to cats. Or watch out for evil starfish. Actually, we aren't actually sure what it means, but it's saying it with authority. http://www.apsq07.dsl.pipex.com/web/Flash/Animatio... >> Official rules of stealing lighters << Lighter theft: It's wrong, it's foolish, nobody means to do it. But dear God, it happens anyway. In a last-ditch effort to end the madness, young Jamie Bell has devised an official set of rules, to regulate this barbaric trade. Do not go out tonight without reading this electrifying document. http://www26.brinkster.com/tartpumper/lighter.html ------------------------------------------------- : TOP TIPS BITES BACK Coke can shake test Last week, we advised readers who had dropped soft drink cans to give them a sharp tap before opening them. This would, we were informed, spare the unlucky drinker from a foamy doom. We weren't prepared for the masses of people wanting to debunk us. Thomas Scott writes, "This morning, me and my friends tested the top tip from this week's newsletter. We took video, too. It includes me getting sprayed with a ridiculous amount of cola. Oh, and there's a ninja." Were we talking shit, then? Find out here. http://www.thomasscott.net/fizz Special thanks to Brandon and to Newwhit, who carried out their own scientific analysis. Good work, but no ninja. ------------------------------------------------- : BOOK OF THE MONTH Hello Sailor Daily Mail journalists! Read this bit. We've found something to wind up Middle England. "Hello Sailor" is a book for children about a gay man who lives on a lighthouse and misses his sea-fairing boyfriend. Hooray. Let's have moral panic. http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/033399290... BTW: Found a weird book on Amazon other than "A Hand in the Bush"? Then tell us. C'mon. It'll be just like Oprah. ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA RADIO Unusual petnames This week we're talking about amusingly named pets. Yay. Tune in - or miss the greatest radio known to man. http://b3ta.com/questions/petnames/ You can learn more about B3ta Radio and how to tune in here: http://b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> I fucked a Realdoll << You've seen the Realdolls. Every wondered what it's like to fuck one? Read this enthusiastic and witty bit of gonzo journalism. http://www.nerve.com/regulars/ididitforscience/sex... >> GI Joe dubbed with silly voices << We've featured fenslerfilm's stuff before, but it's still making us hyperventilate like treefrogs on laughing gas. This one features a small boy being shut in a fridge. Wicked. http://www.fenslerfilm.com/movies/PSAsmall/Fensler... >> World's Sickest Videos << You know cheesy clips that show the home videos of people falling over? This guy has taken the cheery links and mixed them with gruesome shots of people being killed. The juxtaposition is inventive but not for the easily offended. http://www.google2004.com/promowin.html >> Fucking Flintstones << More pirate video mixing here. Taking the dialogue from Raging Bull and overlaying it on childhood favourites, Fred, Barney and Wilma. Surprisingly effective and amusing. http://www.media.ebaumsworld.com/index.php >> Rubbish video synth << We love this motion capture device from the 1960s, which converts a dancer's movements into spazzy stickman animation. Make sure you click the poster at the bottom of the page. Maybe we're geeky, but it made us hoot with joy. http://www.audiovisualizers.com/toolshak/vidsynth/... >> 3D Gay Chat << The online cottaging market has been dominated by Gaydar for too long. Now there's a new contender for the throne. Actually, to be honest this is shit - but we love it for the keys W and J. Load up, and try them out. http://www.zuerigay.ch/world/e/flash.php >> MP3 of the week << "One of my scum mates called Camerhill", writes Paul Easton, "has written a charming little ditty called Rape Van." Blimey. We really like this. Melodic and offensive - shame it's just too damn rude for our radio show. http://www.camerhill.dsl.pipex.com/music/rapevan.m... >> Russian Kilroy << Russia makes the cheapest and nastiest TV in the world. Check out this fight from their equivalent of Ricky Lake. TV Producers! We want a "worst Russian TV show" now. Including clips from the legendary ambulance chasing show where camera crew + police scanner = TV gold. http://www.december23rd.nl/po_nosu_nagievu.wmv >> Zombie game << Pixel goodness and lots of blood. What more could you want from a zombie web game? http://www.monsterland.se/crunchtime/ >> Satanic messages << Listen to Stairway to Heaven backwards. The satanic messages are actually rather convincing. Must kill our parents now. http://www2.memlane.com/jmilner/stairwaybackwards.... ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Baby Kestrels and Owls Yay. The expressions on these little birds faces are priceless. Although they appear to be messy eaters tho. http://www.weirfield.co.uk/ouranimals/BabyKestrel&... BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Software We Really Need Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted software that people actually really, really need: http://b3ta.com/challenge/softwarethatwereallyneed... We asked B3ta boarder 'Mrs Vulga' to judge the entries - here are her 3 faves. Mrs Vulga writes - #1 "Tony Hawks' Mo Slater 4 - when can we play??? It's very well put together and I want this now. (Mr Snuggly) http://b3ta.com/board/2783121 #2 "MC Spammer - this made me laugh far too much. (Biscuits Alive) http://b3ta.com/board/2800768 #3 "Acrobat Fluff Maker - we all need something to make things fluffy, and this is it. Well shopped with many subtleties." (mushybees) http://b3ta.com/board/2777268 "Oh, and special mention must go to DedlyMonkey for the sheer cheek of this entry." http://b3ta.com/board/2777755 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, B3ta contributor 'witty ditty' gave us the suggestion, "Rear Window" http://b3ta.com/challenge/rearwindow/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * CRAP BIDDING FOR TEA HOLIDAY - last week Badhorsey asked for a free holiday in America. Unsurprisingly, the bids stayed rather low. http://snipurl.com/4mmo * FRIENDLY TV ANECDOTES - in issue 92 of the newsletter we reported on hapless Friendly TV channel, infamous for the "open mike during a commercial" incident. We didn't realise quite how bad the channel was. http://www.nascr.net/~rgwill/friendlytv.htm ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * KITTEN THERAPY - a new type of healing based upon cheering up patients by showing them pictures of kittens. We think we've stumbled onto something here - it works. * PAEDO TERRORISTS - a Marilyn Manson style pop shocker for the new millennium. * HITLER SIEG SIEG REVOLUTION - make Adolf dance to a J-Pop version of Ode To Joy and Wagner. Oh, and lay out the keys in the shape of a swastikka. Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson and Fraser Lewry. Links sent in by Chairman Hieronymous Goodchild, Roland Maguire and Paul Easton. Top Tippery by jeffcapeshop. Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord. Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder. Proofing by the precocious b4ta brats. (72365) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Tired of toilet splashback? Worried about the hygiene issues? Simply form a small nest of toilet paper and place this in the base of the bowl before commencing evacuation. Your faeces will be gently lowered into the water and you will not be submitted to reverse Chinese water torture. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive