we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 123: "SMOKING MAKES YOU HARD" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * PRINT - Smoking Top Trumps * WATCH - Farting Warthogs * FEAR - Fucked-up Kitty ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Anti-smoking propagnda top trumps << We all love smoking at b3ta towers. It makes you look hard and stops you turning into a fat cunt. Recently we've been impressed with the UK anti-smoking campaign where slime oozes out of cigs. But we had to leave it to Yidaho - famous for the Jade from Big Brother photoshops of 2002 - to turn it into a cut out and keep game of top trumps. Fuckeroony. http://www.yidaho.myby.co.uk/toptrumps/ >> Yanks! Learn to make tea! << Badhorsey is after a free holiday in the USA and has quite an offer for our American readers. You provide transport from London and accommodation and he'll teach you how to make the perfect cup of tea. Oh and there's more. We'll write it up in this very newsletter in the unlikely event of you taking this offer up. http://snipurl.com/4mmo >> Weebl makes jelly << Weebls' diminutive chum Bob has been on the peyote buttons and produced this mini gem. We love the DIY sound effects. http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/jelly.htm >> Farting thingie << "I made this for my nephew," writes Rogan, "who's a bit ill at the moment, but I thought you might appreciate it." Huzzah. Can't knock a simple farting gag, can you? And get well soon from Uncle B3ta. We hope they find a cure. http://snipurl.com/4mmh >> Tattooists' blog << We're always interested to discover bloggers who actually write about something other than what they had for breakfast - so we're pleased to hear from Linda who writes, "I am a tattooist in Phoenix, Arizona, USA. I take pictures of my customers using my camera phone." Yay. We particularly like the granny getting inked, and the lady with the horn buds. Shame that Angel has been cancelled... http://sunshinesheaven.blogspot.com ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Stephen Hawking Valentines Day << Wonder how b3ta's favourite boffin spent his Valentines Day? Apparently his missus tied a red, heart-shaped balloon emblazoned with the words 'I love you' to his wheelchair and took him for lunch. Then she took him for a push with the balloon still flapping in the wind. Er.. this link was sent in with the phrase "positively ghoulish". http://snipurl.com/4mme >> This week's web nutter << What would the web be like with out odd people putting up sites asking for brides? This one wants 15 children and to breed with his kids' wives. Ladies - that's where you can help. http://fypl.info/ >> Pig balancing game << Unless you've spent the last three years in syphilitic coma you'll know Ferry Halim is synonymous with "quirky, beautiful and very playable games." Mobile phone manufactures take note: give this man some work and not the tards you usually employ. http://ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/pig.htm >> Salt & Pepper combined << It's the end of civilisation as we know it. We're now living in a world where people can run a business based upon pre-mixing salt and pepper. For fucks sake. We despair. http://www.originalspepper.com/ >> We're feeling great << Most TV ads can bugger off up a tree and stay there. Except this one. It rocks and features a great catchphrase. BTW: It'll probably try and sell you a icky cereal bar. Sod that. Just enjoy the ad. Ha. That'll show 'em. http://turnpikefilms.com/spots/nutrigrain.html >> Beat up your PC << Think a flash toy where you whack your PC sounds load of tired old crap? But it's the enthusiasm and detail that save this from a pathetic web grave. Hooray for assault and battery. http://www.inicia.es/de/Turbo_J/metele.html >> Drum toy << Normally when you tell a web designer to go mad with interface design they'll make some poxy metaphor driven 3D interface. Cunts. But this is smart. A drum-kit which you play by dropping balls on objects. You'll need to read the instructions and try the demo settings to get the best out of it. http://www.bbc.co.uk/music/childrens/games/drumste... ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Yoda Kitty We've now seen over 1 million different kittens on b3ta, and this is the most fucked up yet. Still - we think it's cute. Maybe you will too. http://www.b3ta.com/features/yodakitty/ BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Zombie Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted to raise the dead and get zombiefied: http://b3ta.com/challenge/zombies/ We asked B3ta boarder 'scaryduck' to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. Scaryduck writes - #1 "Zombie Diet - the first image in the challenge and the best of the lot. I still would, too.* (Meek) http://b3ta.com/board/2749099 #2 "If I only had a brain - new b3tan in first ever post triumph. Well executed and very, very funny. (Yellomenace) http://b3ta.com/board/2773614 #3 " She's back - the best of the Queen Mums, bless her. She would have approved, you know.* (Frogdoctor) http://b3ta.com/board/2763498 Special mention: "Thor Sonofodin who is the king of Zombies, and he'll send hoards of undead round my house if he doesn't get a notice in this competition. http://www.b3ta.com/board/2762602 * probably not strictly true. ** not sure about this one, either. >> This Weeks Challenge << This week, the challenge dictator punches his computer in frustration and asks, "What software do we really need? http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/softwarethatwereally... ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * BUMSEXUAL IN THE PAPERS - a few weeks ago we asked you to get the phrase bumsexual into the papers. Brandon has got it into the small-ads, but we want more. The challenge is on. http://www2.b3ta.com/images/bumsexual.jpg * SOLUTION TO EYEGROW GAME - we've had about fifty emails from people saying, "for Christ's sake. Don't ever post a link like that again. You're making me fail my PhD." Anyway. Here's one solution: box, tube, orange ball, ladder, egg, mountain, fan, cog, cyclone, dish, black ring then TV screen. Give it a go. http://www.interq.or.jp/silver/eye/grow/top.html ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * MONGY SQUIRRELS FROM THE PLANET SPACK - preventing the AIDS with a cheeky wink. * CHAVS IN SPACE - best place for them. * A TORY GOVERNMENT - we've had enough of these limp wristed liberals. Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by Lucy Reese, Chris Twigg, akme, zero, clairywoowoo, A-MOL, Harriet_bp, gareth_peel, KSiegersCTM, Shake, sjwinch and special thanks to c Bailey. Top Tippery by Mark Elton. Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord. Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder. Proofing by the kipper b4ta buckets. (72762) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Dropped your coke? Gently turn the can upside down, tap the bottom gently twice with your finger and gently turn back. Hey Presto, greatly reduced/no froth. Warning: this method has its limits, and only works with average shake ups. BTW: Done a degree in physics? Go on. Make a little page testing this out. We'll give you a blowie. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive