we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 122: "CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAAAA-ZEEE MUM" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * B3TA PARTY - Tonight * RATHERGOOD - Joel loves his penis * TEABAGS - built into pyramids ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > We love Joel's cock << We've had our doubts about Joel's penile quality. We suspected it might be rather poor. But recently, we've had the chance to properly check it out and now we're converts. BTW: Despite Joel's recent successes with kittens, he's at his best when just being filthy and crude. If you don't laugh at the joyous finale to this, then you're dead inside. Dead, do you hear? http://www.rathergood.com/sumo_florist/ >> Teabag pyramids << Cunting Gordon! This is an achievement. Kamikazee Killmouse has stacked all his teabags in the manner of the ancient Egyptians. A majestic sight to grace any kitchen. In the very centre is a cursed bourbon biscuit. Or so it is said. http://www.zen16091.zen.co.uk/tea/more-tea-vicar.h... >> Swearing children's toy << In 2000 VTech released the Phonics Teacher; A device aimed at teaching kids to read. It's taken four long years, but Philip Cooper has cracked the robot code and found out how to make it swear. The time spent has not been in vain. http://www.imstupid.co.uk/twistedmindz/childstoy.h... ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA RADIO Cover versions This week on b3ta radio we'll be playing terrible cover versions, including Disney's Phil Collins doing psychedelic classic Tomorrow Never Knows. It's worse than you can possibly imagine. You can learn more about b3ta radio and how to tune in here: http://b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Impressive mullet << You're thinking the mullet gag can sod off. It's tired, it's old, nothing left to give. But this Basket ball-playing dwarf shows the old dog still has a few tricks. http://www.ratemymullet.com/show.php >> My mum is crazy << All women over 30 are mad. That's a fact: Jeremy Clarkson said so. If they're 60 they're double mad. Just think how mad they'd be at 900 years old. Wah. This lad's mum is clearly quite old and has never thrown anything away in her entire life. http://www2.b3ta.com/mirror/crazymum/ >> Michael Barrymore tattoos << This lady is a big fan of shamed ex-TV personality Michael Barrymore. She was scared that she'd forget his facial features, so had them tattooed on her legs. Fact: In an inverse Dorian Gray effect, as the tattoos become more realistic, Barrymore himself increasingly comes to resemble a stocky woman's leg. http://my-michael-barrymore.com/Tattoos.html >> Fire in a firework factory << What do you expect? It's video of a firework factory on fire! Boom! A splode! Well done to the cameraman, though, for risking his life to keep us entertained. Apparently, people died in this incident, so don't enjoy it too much. That'd be like snuff. http://www.media.ebaumsworld.com/index.php >> World's most impenetrable game << Feed little things into the big red ball and watch stuff happen. What on earth is going on? Is this a parody? See if you can get things in the right order to trigger off the best sequence of events. http://www.eyezmaze.com/grow/grow.swf >> Angel puppet << We like Angel, the TV series about a brooding vampire lawyer. Frankly, this season, writer Joss Whedon has been at the crack pipe. Which clearly is a good thing, as he's decided to transform the series into Fraggle Rock. Ace. BTW: West Wing is currently making an episode with Big Bird from Sesame Street. So put that in your top TV trends lists and smoke it. http://snipurl.com/4h26 ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Red pandas They're like foxes on cuteness pills. Who can resist the lovely red panda? Not us. They use their tails as pillows. Much like Joel. http://www.uga.edu/srel/Red_Pandas/RP_gallery.htm BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2 Oooh look. There's loads more stuff. >> Tiny giraffe << If you're like us, you're still awake. And you'll have been giving much thought to tiny, little giraffes and elephants. Thank goodness for Spacefish, reassuring us that the ironies of scale are, ironically, immense. http://www.glastonbridge.co.uk/flash/tg2.html >> Charity ad animation << You can't fault a monkey. You certainly can't fault two. As for this... we salute you, Fish sticks. Caution: May not contain monkeys. http://www.luckybestwash.plus.com/give.html >> Pigeon commuters << We love Monkeon: He's a web spazz-fuck genius. This seems to be an autobiographical animation about his skiving off at work. And being a parrot with the soul of a pigeon. http://www.monkeon.co.uk/pigeon/ >> Breakdance bear << If we could walk with the animals, if we could talk with the animals, if we could sell them consumer electronics... Well, then this would be the slickest piece of Apple marketing ever. As it is, they have no thumbs, it's a wasted effort. But wasted with style. Thanks to Ian Gil. http://www.txuggorf.com/b3ta/ifurtive.html >> Mr First-Person Shooter << Do videogames cause violent behaviour? Paul Harckham thinks yes. And here's his proof. http://www.paulharckham.com/webthing/flash.htm >> Cat Vs Badger << The cat and the badger: Natural foes, according to some bloke on the internet. VampireMonkeyOnSpeed writes, "Although this looks like it was drawn by a 10 year old, I'm actually somewhat older." You're never too old for badgers. Especially young, nimble badgers. http://www.madbadger.com/cat >> Moody space robot thing << B3ta regular Wheatox has recently become a father. He's also just made a spooky animation featuring a robot being blasted into space. Any connection? Almost certainly. http://www.mrandmrswheatley.co.uk/iwill.html >> Bangcubes << We've always wanted to see the ending of Reservoir Dogs reprised with simple 3D shapes in isometric projection. So when kingofpork wrote in with "a very cool little Flash movie made by my good mate Chris", we flapped our sex limbs like retarded otters. Huzzah. http://chrico.mazca.com/bits/bangcubes-01.html ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Tribute Band Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted rubbish tribute bands: http://b3ta.com/challenge/tributebands/ We asked B3ta boarder 'chobb' to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. Chobb writes - #1 "Banjovi - Such a fantastic name. I'd rather listen to these than Bon Jovi any fucking day. (Dr Dunno) http://b3ta.com/board/2722808 #2 "50 percent - A good idea done well: the oversized jewellery is a great touch. Anything that makes 50 Cent look more of a tit is alright with me. (lemonhead) http://b3ta.com/board/2738661 #3 "Spazz + Dave - The best of the Joey entries includes 'Over 100 uungs' - how could this not win? Plus it's always good to see the spastics having a bit more grief heaped on their puny shoulders." (Kid mingus) http://b3ta.com/board/2730661 "Special mention has to go to Happy Shopper's 'The Morecombe Bay City Rollers' for being funny, topical and in poor taste - a classic combination. And a great underwater effect, too." http://b3ta.com/board/2735719 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, the whole b3ta board seems to be obsessed with "Zombies!" http://b3ta.com/challenge/zombies/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * LAST WEEK'S ESTATE AGENT LINK - Sime writes, "Ralph Bending the estate agent rocks! If you look in his shop window at the houses on sale you'll see such delights as, 'Would suit blind dwarf with no sense of smell who's had his legs chopped off!' or 'Deserves a condemnation order' The shop is just a couple of doors up from another estate agents that is right posh and you get the feeling that Ralph and them don't get on. * INTRODUCING MONDAY STILL MAKING NEWS - nice to see the Scotsman remembers. "Unfortunately, introducingmonday.com is now just a flat page saying that it is the future home of a registered domain. How are the mighty stupid fallen. The moral of the story lies in the fact that introducingmonday.co.uk is alive and well and singing away." http://news.scotsman.com/index.cfm ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * QUIZZES - c'mon you lazy monkeys. Quizzes rock and you lot don't make enough of them. * INTERESTING PHOTOS - does your dad cook the worst food in the world? Document it. * DO THE STUFF YOU LOVE - nothing communicates more than passion. Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by Harriet_bp, Zog, Lucy Reese, Christopher Brosnahan, whedonesque & Mike Hopkins. Top Tippery by Ulic. Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord. Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder. Proofing by the bumdacious b4ta chavs. (73072) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Get lovely clear ice cubes by boiling the water first. Not afterwards. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive