we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 111: "LOVE, SEX, TOAST AND LANDMINES" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * ANIM - Toast Horror * VID - Home-made Landmine * READ - Prossie Blog ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Horrific toast animation << A remarkably harrowing cartoon from Halfgiraffe. It starts off so innocently, with a man buying a lovely new toaster, but it truly is the work of a disturbed mind. Toast fact: If you can smell burning toast, it means you are about to have a stroke. Or your toast is burning. Bad news either way, we feel. http://www.halfgiraffe.com/toast.html >> Home-made landmine << Yes, the innocent joys of high explosive. B3ta boarder Sack has been playing with very dangerous toys indeed. Here is his video and step-by-step instructions on making a landmine. Which you are not to follow, because that would be extremely unwise, wouldn't it? http://mine.moothefurcar.co.uk/ >> Lovely, sexy, inexplicable << We don't pretend to understand this Flash vid by Sumjuanstewpeed, but it looks utterly fantastic. And it's about sex. Marvel at its beauty, ponder at its meaning, pass it on to assorted friends. Do it now, quickly, before it goes all bloaty. http://www.somethingstupid.plus.com/mupitmovie.htm... >> Funny names << The world's funniest genuine names. A feature we made because *you* demanded it. Or you made because *we* demanded it. Whatever the truth - come feast your fill at this, our trough of the greatest and best humourous names. Compiled by the redoubtable Mr Fraser Lewry. http://www.b3ta.com/features/realnames/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Bizarre phone parody << Mobile phones nowadays, eh? Trying to be all things to all men: telephone, personal organiser and even games console. That's the point this parody site is making, but the real draw is the nerdy joy of seeing a gallery of other people's tech toys strapped to the side of their heads. http://www.sidetalkin.com/ >> Apocalyptic animation << This is the way the world ends. This sharp, funny documentary-style animation spells the whole thing out, complete with scratchy marker pen diagrams. http://members.cox.net/impunity/endofworld.swf >> Prostitute blog << Diary of a London call girl - most blogs are a bit dull. This one isn't. It's quite seedy and a little bit titillating. More interestingly, it's an insight into a way of life you're unlikely to encounter down your local village hall. Yay for the blogging prostitute. http://belledejour-uk.blogspot.com/ >> Megaman sings Bohemian Rhapsody << You don't have to be a fan of arcade classic Megaman to enjoy this rendition of the The World's Greatest Rock Song. The combination of dodgy game sprites with full rock opera pomp and splendour is done with the kind of spazzy genius we can only salute. http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php >> Funny animal rights << This is good, and very timely too. The Meatrix is a well thought-out anti-factory-farming campaign. Worth it, if only to see Larry Fishburne as a cow. http://www.themeatrix.com/ >> Ignorant eBay auction << Funny eBay ads: We've all seen them. But they seem to be trying a little bit too hard to be wacky. This chap manages to amuse because he genuinely doesn't give a toss about what he's selling. He just wants the money for power tools and beer. What a guy. http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll >> Steve Ballmer's iPod ad << Dance, Monkeyboy, dance! Steve Ballmer is best known as the CEO of Microsoft. But he is also renowned for his triumphantly uninhibited cavorting at the corporation's conferences. This pleasing animation, in the style of Apple's iPod commercials, rightly celebrates his simian antics once again. http://www.macboy.com/cartoons/ballmer/ballmersipo... >> Positive Matrix: Revolutions review << The news being that somebody *likes* the new Matrix film. Celebrity geek Harry Knowles has never been afraid to be uncool. Here he tells why he loved Revolutions, but how it would be even cooler if it had been Superman fighting Lex Luthor. Rock on, Harry. http://www.aint-it-cool-news.com/display.cgi >> Worst album covers: the motherlode << There's an email currently doing the rounds with a collection of 'Worst Album Covers Ever'. This is where they robbed the images from: A huge compilation celebrating the very arse of album art. Complete with a 'where are they now' button, it's a well worth a 20-minute perusal. http://www.io.com/~dork/records/ >> Oolong is dead; long live Yuebing << Rabbits wearing pastry on their heads, who could object? Several months ago, fans were saddened by news of the death of Oolong, the 'head performance' rabbit. Now joy, as owner Hironori Akutagawa has acquired a lovely new bunny to carry on the tradition. And the cake. http://www.h6.dion.ne.jp/~yuebing/031102/031102-1.... ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGES Results from the 100% Fact Challenge and the Reductionist Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. >> Reductionist challenge << Last week we wanted pictures of people reduced to the absolute minimum number of elements: http://b3ta.com/challenge/reductionist/ Then we asked the wonderful 'Spacefish' to judge, here are his 3 faves. Spacefish scribbled - #1 "Elvis - the King of Rock and Roll, perfectly captured in three triangles. This is a gorgeous portrait of the man. Woo! (Or is it?) http://b3ta.com/board/2246503 #2 "Patrick Moore - Patrick was one of the people to inspire a wealth of challenge entries simply because he is utterly fab. Pippy lovingly captures him partaking in a xylophone recital... (pippy) http://b3ta.com/board/2253292 #3 "Dalek in a paddling pool, wearing a Mexican hat - You'd be forgiven for thinking that minimalist art is a simple matter. It's not - getting a dalek to sit in a paddling pool is easy. Finding a sombrero that will rest comfortably on his head is not." (Zak McFlimby) http://b3ta.com/board/2259697 >> Fact challenge << Two weeks ago we wanted facts, lots of facts: http://b3ta.com/challenge/facts/ We asked B3ta boarder 'Kittywaste' to judge the 100% Fact challenge: Kittywaste writes - #1 "Animals can sense it - Top notch animal rescue, and you thought they were all fur and cuteness." (MissPrism) http://b3ta.com/board/2230410 #2 "100% Fact - all too true, and a top tattyshopped image too. (gracielou) http://b3ta.com/board/2226987 #3 "Millions of trees are planted each year - I laughed until I soiled myself (again). (Damocles) http://b3ta.com/board/2204074 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, B3ta contributor 'Mozza' gave us the suggestion, "James Bond Gadgets" http://b3ta.com/challenge/bond/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * OLIVER POSTGATE SAYS NO - B3ta's Mr. Fixit, Fraser Lewry asked the genius behind Bagpuss, Ivor the Engine, Noggin the Nog (and many others) if he'd like to be interviewed for this newsletter. He turned us down, but in a rather sweet way: "Thank-you for the invitation but I have been careless enough to get old, too old I'm afraid to cope even with the simple task you suggest. One has so little time left and everything takes twice as long as it should. "Nowadays I even have to look myself up in my autobiography (Seeing Things published by Macmillan, second-hand copies from Amazon) because my memory is crumbling fast. "Don't grow old - it's bad for you. "Sorry, Oliver Postgate" Aww. We admire the sly plug for his book, though. * MAN Vs. TENNIS RACQUET ON TV - The morning after the Halloween bash, LP performed his party piece of climbing through a tennis racquet on Saturday morning kids' show Dick and Dom in da Bungalow. "I was very hung-over and wearing a b3ta t-shirt," he tells us. Hooray for you LP, a trouper to the last. * GRAPE / MICROWAVE EXPERIMENT - a couple of weeks ago we featured a series of things you could make explode in your microwave. Rollersnakes writes, "I thought I'd try the grape experiment and it worked. So me and my mate got out a camera and when we did, it burned even better than before." Here they go: http://us.share.geocities.com/rollersnakes1989/gra... ------------------------------------------------- : HALLOWEEN RAFFLE THANKS A big, fat thankyou to everyone who donated prizes for our Halloween raffle. WORD MAGAZINE for the DVD/books/CDs. They also want us to plug their mag - and we don't mind coz it's ace and we read it every month. You can sub here for £20 instead the usual of £42. https://secure.widearea.co.uk/cisubs/DEVE/WOR/RV20 GBAX for the Backlit GP32 hand held console. Oh, and you can buy one here. Get 'em quick because there's only about 2000 left in the world. http://www.gbax.com/ NICEY/THE WIFE for biscuits. http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/ NTK for the shirts. http://www.ntkmart.co.uk/ COMPUTER ARTS for lovely subscriptions. http://www.computerarts.co.uk/ SKATEATTACK for the remote control helicopter. http://www.skateattack.co.uk/ BE-SPOKE for Animal friendly cosmetics. http://www.be-spoke.com/ ILLEGAL INDUSTRIES for the Bottle of rum. http://www.illegalindustries.co.uk/ ASKJEEVES for the Aerolattes. http://www.ask.co.uk/ FIZZYMEDIA for DVD and executive marble run. http://www.fizzymedia.com/ NOOKII for games. http://www.nookii.com/ KOMPLETT for JazPiper UBit UB128 MP3/Memory 128MB. http://www.komplett.co.uk >> Extra Thanks << Voodoo Trombone Quartet vest top from Mr & Mrs Ryan Action game, books and framed pictures from Tim Ireland Calendar from Steve Martin (Mr Sheep). Painting from Richard Tingley. Weebl & Bob shirt from Jonti. Buffy + Planet of the Apes vids from Rob Manuel. Special thanks to Sul & Vic for writing out the raffle tickets And, of course, thanks to everyone who bought a ticket. ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * A TRAINED MONKEY - that can do our job. * A NEW FORM OF INSULT - we're bored with calling people "cunts" and "fuckpuppets" * SOMETHING AMAZING - that only you could have made. That would be fantastic, thanks. Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by gezza, steven shears, couk, td_mayhem, neileous, firekitty101, fuzzybunny, ash hall, daniel bates, stinkycheeseman, hunta, neil mcdonnell, pete donaldson, ollsen, tavwood and felis concolor. Top Tippery by Annakissed. Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord. Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder. Proofing by the purple b4ta ponces. (71686) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: If your clothes are stained with mildew - and whose aren't? - a paste of lemon juice and salt rubbed on the fabric can help get them clean again. As a side effect, it will also make them taste delicious. A slightly dull tip this week, perhaps, but at least it won't get us into trouble with the police when we try it out. Unlike the last couple of times. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive