we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 109: "WE *HEART* SIMON COWELL" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * SURVEY - Wanking results in * ANIM - Saxpohone meerkat * EVIL - Simon Cowell is Satan ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Saxophonist meerkat of woo << Nacho has been expanding on the animal band theme with a nicely detailed animation to the cut'n'paste version of The Cure's Close To Me. Our favourite bit is the meerkat saxophonist and the trumpeting squirrel trading jazz licks. Nice... http://www.snakemountain.co.uk/delgazeebo.htm >>Simon Cowell is Satan << Many have theorised that Cowell is the Antichrist, but who needs hyperbole when you have the monumental Truth. Blimey. Is that Simon having bumsex with Will? We'd better have a look, hadn't we? Warning: this isn't safe for work. http://www2.b3ta.com/popidle/ >> Wanking survey: Results in << Remember the masturbation quiz we asked you to fill in? Well, you were all very good little girls and boys and we've got the results back. Hmmm. Some of you not so good eh? One in five of you have masturbated whist thinking of a family member eh? Right. It's off to bed with the lot of you. And no tuck from Matron either. 5 points to Slytherin Kieren for dobbing in his chums. http://www.playwithyourself.co.uk/game/html/mdb/gi... >> Weebl back on the drink << Jonti's Weebl animations have recently become more and more odd.. This one is about watching TV. Jonti doesn't own a TV so he's attempted to imagine it. A success. http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/tv.htm ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Celeb birthday web stunt << Phil will be 35 next month. He's inviting 35 celebs to attend his birthday. They haven't replied to his emails. Can you help? What a wicked idea! Delegate your actual stalking to a web community. Smart. Or the chap might just work in advertising. One or t'other. http://www.35forphil.com/index.htm >> Nice web vid << Some web vids are clunky but funny. Some web vids are smooth and charming. This is the latter. Features a dead dog tho. So it can't all be bad. http://www.omvf.net/doorsteps.html >> Crap plastic surgery << Oi! Lady mags! Let us write your web column. We'd stick in lots of sites like this fantastic blog where they compare before and after shots of celebrity plastic surgery. Oh, and the copy! The copy is wonderful: "Victoria Beckham has one of the worst-looking breast implant jobs in the celebrity world. They look like the halves of a cantaloupe stuffed into her chest." http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/ >> Fear of Popes << Did you know you could fear popes? We did. We were scared that if we asked the monks to stop playing with our winkies that the Pope would make the kittens die. Thank Christ our papaphobia can be treated and cured. (With the miracle of giving these people money.) http://snurl.com/2pey >> Dangerous microwave experiments << Bored this weekend? Read this detailed and texty list of experiments with your microwave. Don't blame us if you melt your hands. We are the bullet shop, not the foolish child. Jeez. http://www.eskimo.com/~billb/weird/microexp.html >> Cum vs. moisturizer. Tested << A lovely little page debunking the myth that daddy's chicken broth makes for a great face cream. With the man's poor girlfriend taking a full application of her scientific duties too. What some women put up with, eh? Men. Pah. http://www.viceland.com/issues/v10n8/htdocs/cum.ph... ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the 'Budget Cuts' Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted to see things that had had their budgets brutally slashed: http://b3ta.com/challenge/budgetcuts/ We asked b3ta boarder 'Mystery Bob' to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. Mystery Bob writes - #1 "Who Wants to Win a King Size Twix? - The idea of playing for sweets appeals to me greatly. I'm certain I would use all my lifelines to protect my drumstick lolly if I was to play. (xeron) http://b3ta.com/board/2125643 #2 "Tesco Value Tattoo - In a glut of many, many 'Tesco Value' entries it was going to take something special to stand out from the crowd. Not only that, but I want one _now_. (VampireMonkeyOnSpeed) http://b3ta.com/board/2132227 #3 "Steve McQueen - Beautifully photoshopped and made me giggle like a loon. I think it's the stabilisers that do it." (More tea vicar?) http://b3ta.com/board/2130835 "The obligatory special mention has to go to this by 100% of Gibbon... mainly because I once saw an episode where a 'wacky' student really did bring a Pot Noodle and a beer. I'd like to see what they do with the kitten though." http://b3ta.com/board/2141849 >> This Weeks Challenge << This week, the Challenge Dictator dropped in again to give us the suggestion, "Local News Stories" http://b3ta.com/challenge/localnews/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * SCOTT ADAMS DILBERT 9/11 THING REAL - the artist writes, "It's a true coincidence. The comic was done several years before 9/11 and was randomly reprinted in the calendar." So there you go. Stuff mentioned, stuff solved. A bit like Crimewatch. Yay. Bagsie doing the "Sleep tight" bit at the end. * MONKEYS FOUGHT THE KITTENS - the monkeys put up a brave fight in 2001 and conceded gracefully to kittens for the rest of the decade. And there was enough kitteny goodness to go round for everyone. * MILLIONS OF STUPID NAMES WERE SENT IN - we were staggered. But enough already. We'll write up a little page about them for next week. If you're good. ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include: * LEGALISATION of FILESHARING - swapping TV & music on-line rocks. Make it legal. Rah. Rah. Rah. * ABOLITION OF CDs UNREADABLE BY PCs - we want to copy our music onto our computers and iPods. This is fair use. * KITTENS FOR EVERYONE - sing with us, "The Kitten bus is coming. And everyone is jumping. New York to San Francisco. It's a kitten city disco." Hosanna. This is our Manifesto. Vote for us. B3ta will be taking a seat in Parliament as soon as our mum lets us. Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Top Tip from Workboresme. Links sent in by you. You and you. And you and you and yououou. Also by Jenny R, Steve S, Oystergumbo, Valerie, chapman, Steve Storey and EvS. Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord. Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder. Proofing by the dark overlords of b4ta. (70555) Sleep tight. -------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: When leaving the pub, suck on a copper penny for 10-15 seconds. If you get pulled over, demand a breathalyser test. The copper in the penny counteracts the alcohol reading giving you a negative test. We have no idea if our readers lie to us about these tips. Test it and find out. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive