we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 108: "THE WORST FOOD YOU'VE EVER COOKED" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * TOY - Booze calculator * RATHERGOOD - Rude hedgehogs * STUPID NAMES - Friends of Martin Wank ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Booze calculator << Ever wondered where all your money goes? Could it be you're spending it on booze? Ugly has made a calculator so you can see just how much you've drunk over the years and how many Ferraris you could have bought instead. http://www.iondesign.net/drinkometer/ >> Rude hedgehogs << Penguin maestro Joel Veitch has switched his attentions to hedgehogs. He's knocked out this charming but profane reworking of Bobby Macferrin's 'Thinking About Your Body.' Woo. http://www.rathergood.com/hedgehogs/ >> 9/11 Spookiness << Jboom claims to have found a Dilbert cartoon from September the 11th 2001. We can't tell if he's pulling our leg but it did send a chill down our spine. http://b3ta.com/board/2101816 >> Gangrenous hand << From the students who brought you shit on a plate comes ElectricHamster's "I've caught foot-and-mouth and now it looks like a world map." He's right, too. Scummy bastard. http://electrichamster.net/treasuremap/ >> Cactus dad << "I gave myself a three day challenge," points out Mushybees, "and made a wee film about two slovenly cacti." Yay. The stupid dialogue made us giggle. A lot. http://homepage.ntlworld.com/dirty.sanchez/cactus0... >> Spooky eyes << This is bloody disturbing. Limpfish has made a strange little animation about stolen eyes. Brrr. http://www.limpfish.com/theystolemyeyes/ >> Victorian smackhead << Jonti has been taking heroin. He's recorded his experiences in the medium of flash. You should do the same. http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/23/ ------------------------------------------------- : THE WORST FOOD YOU'VE EVER COOKED Our question of the week This week we've been asking the boarders about the most disgusting food they've ever attempted to cook. Jesus Christ you've turned our stomachs. From the scummy student recipes like margarine and ketchup, to the guy who lives on pigeons, you bring new meaning to the word omnivore. This is a long read but worth it. http://b3ta.com/board/2114132 ------------------------------------------------- : STUPID NAME CORNER Last week we introduced you to Martin Wank and Gaye Males. This week say hello to: >> Wan Kin Too << An alumnus of Wah Yan College Hong Kong, when we saw his photo we were Wan Kin Too. http://home.att.net/~hschan/wsb/html/159967/view.c... >> Rodger Bumpass << Celebrated Voiceover artist Rodger is best-known as the voice of TV's Squidward Tentacles. Also other cartoon squids. http://us.imdb.com/name/nm0120309/ >> Gay Search << Radio Times Gardening Editor Gay Search has the best name. She is the author of the book The Impatient Gardener. Not The Uphill Gardener. http://www.bbc.co.uk/gardening/tv_radio/celebritie... And honorable mentions must go to Brighton Bears player Randy Duck, San Juan County Prosecuting Attorney Randy Gaylord and the general manager for the Microsoft Hardware Division Randy Ringer. No more Randy’s please. ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Fast show Jap Porn << The Fast Show was brilliant, but some people like it too much. Otherwise, how do you explain this gallery of your favourite comic characters reworked into gay cartoon porn. Hooray. http://japanimatedfastshow.homestead.com/xxx.html >> Keef Speaks << We all love Keef Richards. He invented rock and roll. Or at least the good bits with smack and booze. His site is a bit of a treat. Best bit? The Ask Keith section where you can hear his responses to questions posed by fans. The answers are a nice mixture of cosmic and vague in Keef's own inimitable style: veering from slightly posh to awright guv'na, from animated high tone to a low slurring grumble, 80-a-day cackles, pauses, mumbling, occasionally sparking one up, bizarre observations, his own 'cat & chicks' vocabulary etc. He could teach Weebl and Bob a thing or two about mumbling. http://www.keithrichards.com >> Playmobil Porn << We asked for weird porn. We're not sure this is porn or just some strange gynecological exercise. Playmobil figures Vs Vagina. Vagina wins. But with pics like these we're all winners. Warning: close-up vaginal photography. http://users.skynet.be/treet.ta-tra/playmobiel.htm... >> "I eat soap" << Why is it that the names of soap and shampoos sound more like dinner than detergent? This man makes the logical leap and tests the taste of soap. Rather than wash his hair in mince, as we would have done. http://www.zug.com/pranks/natural/ >> Grapes of fiery madness << What happens when you put a grape in the microwave? You wouldn't think it would combust in a ball of blazing plasma. But it does, as demonstrated by this genius child. Blame the teachers. http://www.scienceyear.com/sciteach/activities/c4_... >> Disorientating yet pacey Flash << This is the closest thing to a mental breakdown we've experienced in Flash. We think it's something to do with U.S history. But frankly, it was so peculiar that we totally lost the plot and sat hypnotised by the flashing lights and squeaky voices. Fantastic stuff. http://uwizone.com/theboards/showthread.php >> Tetris Vs Pipe Mania << Popcap rule when it comes to online games that you can pick up in minutes - and have to be prized from your cold dead hand to stop you playing. Yay for companies that understand that gameplay is all that matters. http://www.popcap.com/gamepopup.php >> Shit web design of the week << "we thought we'd show you," opines Nicole Forster, "what top notch web design companies we have in Australia." Indeed we are in your debt. The intro screen with voiceover is only the beginning of a multimedia treat. http://www.spank.com.au/ >> Wired Spacker Gaff << "Call them spackers", writes Wired, "they're the new breed of computer crackers who earn a living in cahoots with spammers." Blimey. That's a bit harsh. http://www.wired.com/news/business/0,1367,60747,00... ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Ninja Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted you to play with ninjas: http://b3ta.com/challenge/ninjas/ We asked B3ta boarder 'Reverend Dan' to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. The Rev. Dan writes - #1 "Ninja Pilots - It was a really tough challenge this week with lots of fantastic entries, but this just made me laugh more than anything else. Marvellous! (schminkypinky) http://b3ta.com/board/2091115 #2 "Ninjaholics Anonymous - A simple idea, beautifully accomplished. Sent a shiver down my spine. (Haku) http://b3ta.com/board/2093272 #3 "The Best Thing Since... - I love this, and it promotes the non-flipping-out-and-killing-people side of ninjas which can only be a good thing." (Beau Bo d'Or) http://b3ta.com/board/2108034 "Oh, and the Reverend Dan Award for Decapitation this week goes to Zak McFlimby - this was the first entry in this challenge but is still the most, ahem, 'perfectly executed'." http://b3ta.com/board/2087507 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, B3ta contributor 'Indole Ring' gave us the suggestion, "Budget cuts - how things would look if they had to be much cheaper?" http://b3ta.com/challenge/budgetcuts/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * TRAFFIC LIGHT WARS - has said goodbye with its 75th and final episode. http://www.trafficlightwars.co.uk/ * LAST WEEK'S TIP WRONG - Thousands of people pointed out that we mistakenly said flu was caused by a bacterium. We would like to apologise to bacteria. Flu is caused by a virus. ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * DANGEROUS SCIENCE EXPERIMENTS - preferably with plasma. * B3TA FREAKS - are you a bearded lady? Or just very off-looking? We'd like to make you famous. * FAKE HARDWARE PROJECTS - what can you get Slashdot to believe? A Beowulf cluster of C64s? GPRS pants? A guide to installing Linux on a kitten? Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by Kim Plowright, johnny (cheers for the nice Keef phrasing), munkehwill, rob horsefield, (_!_)_This_is_your_ass, Zyk0tiK, and Haddock. Stupid names from miketynan, jeffcapeshop, vulga, martin_bailey, and the person who sent in Rodger Bumpass & Randy Ringer whose email we lost. Top tippery from workboresme. Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord. Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder. Proofing by the special b4ta scopers. (70475) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: When having guests over but can't be arsed to clean, just spray furniture polish into the air. It smells like you spent all day cleaning just for them. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive