we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 100: "MAGGIE THATCHER ON A TOBOGGAN" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * FEATURE - MPs on wheels * TOYS - XML Kittens, Palm Pilot, Newsletter * ANIM - Sausages ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Meaty ad << Britain eats on average 50 sausages a year. Very long sausages. Bovine does not think that is nearly enough. "Eat more sausages," is his poignant cry and the message of his sexually charged Flash animation. http://www.crapjuggler.co.uk/flash/sausages.html >> 4-way pong action << This is clever - Yomgaille has come up with a four player version of vintage arcade game Pong. If you're supple you can play all four paddles using every limb. That still leaves your mouth free. Think about it. http://www.yomgaille.com/pong/ >> When Wogan sings... << International readers may not be familiar with light entertainment legend Terry Wogan, famous for his avuncular style, dodgy wig and vaguely sarcastic Eurovision commentary. But he is haunted by his Seventies novelty singing career. Vulga may forgive but he will never forget. Students: feast your ears. http://www.snurl.com/floraldance >> Laundry care labels - for men << Men: Have you ever wondered how to wash your clothes? Sean Ellis has some handy pointers. But that's just the shape of his hands. Click. Or forever remain unclean clickers. http://homepage.ntlworld.com/seanellis/b3ta/Laundr... >> Flash mugging << You can't have missed it - for the last couple of weeks the papers have been going mad for flashmobs - spontaneous, nonsensical happenings arranged over email. As soon as there is a trend on the web, there is a parody biting at its heels. Nik Roope is this week's angry, mocking dog. http://www.technicola.com/flashmugging/ >> David Beckham's whose hair? << "I saw David Beckham's bouffant on the front page of The Sun," writes light entertainment legend lazystuff, "I thought, 'at last something interesting about David Beckham.'" Thank Christ someone's found something. Anyway, can you guess the celebrity whose barnet Beckham is sporting? http://www.lazystuff.com/features/beckham >> Look! New Weebl! << Weebl divides our readers. Some of you like Weebl, some of you like Bob. This episode features neither. http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/quest.htm ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Sexy lady, wooly lamb << We're men of the world. We've seen a lot of lady-animal hybrids. But this, this really took our fancy. Get ready to meet your new desktop wallpaper. http://www.xs4all.nl/~pwitteve/spring2.jpg >> Suck your hair short << Getting a haircut is the second most traumatic experience after losing a spouse. Spare yourself the pain by sticking this vacuum-cum-clipper device on your head. We'd love you to try out one of these and send us the photos. http://www.flowbee.com/ >> Boss-eyed porn << God knows, we don't like to laugh at the afflicted. Well, okay, we do. But who on Earth booked this girl for a porn shoot? http://www.good-porn-guide.com/site/g/013/jasmin11... >> Interview Hitler << Hooray! Now you can chat with history's greatest monster. On your PC! His lips move and everything. We asked him if he was gay and he seemed to get quite annoyed. http://www.activehistory.co.uk/head2head/hitler/ac... >> GI Joe remix << There should be more of this. Recutting rubbish 80s cartoons with your own dialogue. This makes absolutely no sense, but it rocks like a bastard. http://www.heavengallery.com/fenslerfilms/GiJoecar... >> Desperate web saddo << Police: Want to find someone to lock up? Why not try the internet? It's full of desperate, lonely pervs who will do anything for the faintest promise of sex. At least, if this is anything to go by. http://www.captain-obvious.com/forums/showthread.p... ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE RESULTS Bumper size fun week Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week there was no newsletter, so this is a double dose of winner announcements. >> I: Special Offers Challenge << The week before last we wanted regrettable special offers: http://b3ta.com/challenge/specialoffers/ We asked b3ta boarder 'Solly' to judge the entries - here are his 3 faves. Solly writes - #1 "Birthday Treat - a terrorist called Timmy, a beautiful air stewardess... a classic combination. I'll never fly again. (angel of the forever sleep) http://www.b3ta.com/board/1710983 #2 "George Best hypnosis tapes - I listened... and needed a drink. worked a treat. Now I need another. hmmmmm. beer. (matsimpsk) http://www.b3ta.com/board/1706151 #3 "Parkinsons - we all worry about dying from a slow debilitating disease, but this made me shake with laughter!" (aubergene) http://www.b3ta.com/board/1720500 >> II: Irons for Men Challenge << Last week we wanted products with cross-gender appeal: http://b3ta.com/challenge/ironsformen/ We asked b3ta boarder 'Jiva' to judge the entries - here are her 3 top choices. Jiva writes - #1 "Yo ho ho and a bottle of moisturiser - Beautifully shopped, a great pun and pirates to boot. What more do you need to put a smile on your face? (Rainbow_girl) http://www.b3ta.com/board/1769168 #2 "Nag-isil - I swear all men need to keep some of this on them. One quick massage of this cream to the lady friend of your choice and they would be putty in your hands. (r!ddler) http://www.b3ta.com/board/1751538 #3 "How to find the clitoris - nice to see that the manual does not have it pointed out on the cover." (sick boy) http://www.b3ta.com/board/1780660 Ooh and special mention to Slim and his "ladies' parking." Slim is an annoying arse because he is far, far, too good at this, but I do love his pictures; always quality and always funny. http://www.b3ta.com/board/1781181 >> This Week's Challenge << This week, B3ta contributor Zak McFlimby gave us the suggestion, "Double Take" http://b3ta.com/challenge/doubletake/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * THE MARRIAGE IS REAL - a couple of weeks ago we featured an elaborate website advertising a forthcoming wedding. Scott, the groom, has got in touch: "It is true. We really got married this Saturday!" Congratulations - and we hope we never have to cover thedivorce.co.uk ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * EAT A MONKEY - and wear its skin. We want pictures/gloves. * MORE FUNNY PORN - we're jaded. Very jaded. * KKK contacts - Mmmm, clean sheets. Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by Ed, Swede, Si and Elliott Solomon Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Board research by Fnord. Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder. Proofing by the jolly b4ta tars. (69616) next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive