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community weblog
Speak no more
Here is a BBC story on research showing humans are speaking less today than 20 years ago.
posted by Art_Pot on Oct 25, 2026 at 7:23 AM
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I know there are times here in France where I'll use the electronic menu to order rather than dealing with trying to speak french or deal with people, but I do feel guilty using them since it gives the store another reason to hire less people.
I'm also a lot more likely to text my family instead of calling since our time zones are so different now.
posted by Art_Pot at 7:26 AM
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"The participants resided (mostly) in the United States as well as Mexico, Australia and Europe"
For a small study (more than 2000) people I don't think you can generalise that to "the average person" ?
Or is the world in fact quite different from how I think it is and I don't actually exist?
posted by Zumbador at 7:29 AM
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[nods]
posted by Horace Rumpole at 7:29 AM
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To be fair, people 20 years talked a lot.
posted by mazola at 7:34 AM
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grimy cityscene steam rising from vents, general filth, mohawked young man glaring at his phone, stabbing the keyboard in a staccato style.
'you textin to me?'
beat
'no'
'oh, ok'
posted by lalochezia at 7:44 AM
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Yeah, I'm kinda OK with this.
posted by 2N2222 at 7:44 AM
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It's obviously not going to apply to everyone. I was surprised on reading the article, but then I started thinking about particular examples and realized there were a lot of things that I used to do that required talking or calling people and don't anymore. Ordering online vs going to the store, UberEats vs pizza delivery, making car appointments online. Maybe they weren't the most glamorous of conversations, but they used to happen and now don't.
posted by Art_Pot at 7:49 AM
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Also, surprise, people are reading more, per this New Yorker story. So maybe, reading more means talking less. Possibly more TV/screen time would have an impact also.
posted by beagle at 8:03 AM
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The less people I interact with, the happier I am. The pandemic was probably the most civilized time of my life and I miss it. I mean, they were arresting extroverts. Yes, I'm an Aspie. Does it show/
posted by snapsmack at 8:14 AM
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I assure you that the people in my immediate family are picking up the slack. I love them all dearly, but they're so chatty. Sometimes I imagine words as physical things that hang in the air and slowly evaporate: if that were the case, we'd have to evacuate my house about thirty minutes into a gathering because there'd be no space for humans.
posted by jzb at 8:28 AM
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I couldn't access the full research article so I couldn't find the answer, but did they include telephone conversations in their word count? If so, that could account for the drop in words spoken and then some (perhaps we are actually talking more in person). Actual conversations on the phone have been largely (almost entirely for some people) replaced by texting. And the few times that I have to talk to a person on the phone are largely with customer service, where most of the time is spent on hold and pressing buttons. Although I guess yelling obscenities at the hold music might count as speaking.
posted by TedW at 8:49 AM
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Anecdotally, this is not true for my two year-old in the slightest.
posted by Earthtopus at 9:52 AM
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For a small study (more than 2000) people I don't think you can generalise that to "the average person" ?
Sorry to nitpick but this is a super common misconception. A sample of 2000 people can be plenty for estimating an average, if the sample is sufficiently random. (Conversely, a study with millions of participants can be total junk if the selection is non-random.)
As I recently heard it phrased: "just because you're making a really big pot of soup, that doesn't mean you need a really big spoon to taste-test it."
The benefit of a larger sample size is that it allows you to study smaller effect sizes without them being swamped by random noise, not that it lets you study larger populations.
Of course, if you sample 2000 people randomly from North America, then even though it gives you an accurate idea of what's happening (on average) in North America, it won't necessarily generalize to other parts of the world.
posted by teraflop at 9:52 AM
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Does this include time spent speaking to the hand, because the face wasn't listening?
posted by heatherlogan at 9:55 AM
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The benefit of a larger sample size is that it allows you to study smaller effect sizes without them being swamped by random noise, not that it lets you study larger populations.
And that you can make inferences about smaller subpopulations.
I tell stats students that the central limit theorem is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 9:58 AM
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Words are being....cancelled
posted by anoldfriend6 at 10:01 AM
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In Asimov's The Naked Sun, the story is set on the planet of Solaria, that has a tiny population of humans and a vast population of robots. Actual physical contact is actively discouraged. One character practically has a nervous breakdown when confronted by the threat of meeting another human being. We're progressing into the future!
posted by SPrintF at 10:04 AM
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Speaking less? I never heard of such a thing.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 10:33 AM
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That's because it goes without saying!
posted by stet at 10:41 AM
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Okay just in my day to day life (sample of one obviously, not including work) I do think this is true. It's possible to leave the house, do a bunch of shopping, come home and not have spoken to anyone (I just did this, for example) - where ten years ago you'd at least say hello, how's it going, thank you to a check out person. It's not always riveting stuff but I guess it's the social glue that holds us together, and you get rusty at social stuff if you don't do it.
posted by sequel at 10:43 AM
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Of course, if you sample 2000 people randomly from North America, then even though it gives you an accurate idea of what's happening (on average) in North America, it won't necessarily generalize to other parts of the world.
That was my point. "USA & some people from Mexico Australia and Europe" is a very, very long way from "everyone" no matter how you pick your sample.
posted by Zumbador at 10:53 AM
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I just spent the weekend with 7 of my nieces and nephews (4-18) and I am not seeing any evidence of this phenomenon
posted by biffa at 11:57 AM
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stares at phone, typing
posted by The Half Language Plant at 12:35 PM
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I get a constant stream of "How are you?", or such, from store people as a greeting. I usually respond with "(It's) Best not asked". That startles them but it saves me from explaining that no, I'm not OK, there's nothing they can do about it, and no, it won't get better.
It puts a damper on further conversation.
posted by aleph at 1:26 PM
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I used to work with a bartender who was an amazing raconteur. Eventually he got into the social media game and instead of regaling us with his great stories, he once told me, "It's up on my insta!"
Death comes for us all.
posted by Christ, what an asshole at 1:27 PM
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Reality is behind a paywall, then
I assure you that the people in my immediate family are picking up the slack.
My mom's family is doing theur part. Every hroup of five of us is having fiur conversations at once
posted by eustatic at 1:54 PM
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What if I use voice to text for most of my texts and even MF comments?
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:13 PM
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It's possible to leave the house, do a bunch of shopping, come home and not have spoken to anyone (I just did this, for example) - where ten years ago you'd at least say hello, how's it going, thank you to a check out person. It's not always riveting stuff but I guess it's the social glue that holds us together, and you get rusty at social stuff if you don't do it.
Yeah, and I find these conversations have really changed because of electronic payment systems, loyalty cards, etc. When you do go to a human cashier, they're mostly just giving you instructions on how to operate the payment terminal that they've repeated thousands of times.
posted by smelendez at 2:19 PM
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As someone who lives alone and who is mostly-housebound due to physical illness,
if I didn't talk to my partner on the phone every day,
I would only be talking to another person out loud once a week or so (phone calls to friends, plus phone calls to the chemist/pharmacy.)
I do chat to people in text form daily on Mastodon, Discord, Dreamwidth, Tumblr etc though.
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 4:28 PM
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I get a constant stream of "How are you?", or such, from store people as a greeting. I usually respond with "(It's) Best not asked". That startles them but it saves me from explaining that no, I'm not OK, there's nothing they can do about it, and no, it won't get better.
It puts a damper on further conversation.
If you did that to me, working at my second job as a cashier, making polite chit chat with you I would for sure feel like I had stepped in it somehow and would awkwardly clam up or say something dumb to cover it all. Have you tried going with "fine, thanks, and you?" I promise I will never dig to find out if you are lying.
My main job is now all on the computer so I actually have fun making conversation with folks. Some of them are people who probably don't get much of it and we're a friendly bunch (neighborhood grocery Co-Op) and get a wide range of people. It's always fun to hear what people are up to, compliment them on a cute shirt or bag, give a kid a sticker. I'll miss it when I eventually move on.
posted by PussKillian at 4:29 PM
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A sample of 2000 people can be plenty for estimating an average
It can be, but it's entirely dependent on the variance if whatever you're estimating. And I bet how many words each person speaks has a pretty high variance. On top of that, the main conclusion is about a difference between two averages, the average spoken word now vs what it was decades ago. This has a much higher variance than an individual average.
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 4:52 PM
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"Have you tried going with "fine, thanks, and you?""
I should have said I have a choice between my response and lying. No, I don't like lying. Even "social ones".
posted by aleph at 5:10 PM
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I think it's because I have a pretty unthreatening face, but people are always talking to me. I'm usually pretty interested in what people have to say, so that probably helps. My observation is that if you're open to conversations around you, if you love a bit of chit-chat, you'll find people will talk to you. If you react negatively, if your body language is defensive and oppositional, you probably won't find a lot of happenstance around you socially.
posted by The River Ivel at 5:28 PM
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I should have said I have a choice between my response and lying. No, I don't like lying. Even "social ones".
Huh. Well, if you were a regular I'd at least know to serve you in silence, I guess.
posted by PussKillian at 6:23 PM
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there's nothing they can do about it
man, people using social filler do not want to do anything about it. you're the one bringing that assumption to these interactions. you're right, they do not care how you feel; we ask these questions for other purposes. "best not asked" does the exact opposite of the thing you want, which is to not draw attention to yourself. though maybe that is what you want. best not asked.
posted by sickos haha yes dot jpg at 6:40 PM
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My dog helps instigate chit chat for me. Mostly around dogs smelling each other's butts, but (as said previously) it's the glue that keeps society together I guess.
posted by mazola at 7:05 PM
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Yup, dog park society is a whole thing and I've made friends as I discuss my dog getting into the cat food and having the poops.
posted by PussKillian at 7:10 PM
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I used to work with a bartender who was an amazing raconteur. Eventually he got into the social media game and instead of regaling us with his great stories, he once told me, "It's up on my insta!"
What's wrong with that? I've told people for the "full story" of something, check out my Facebook or our group chat.
Speaking of bars. We probably speak less because we drink less these days. Alcohol is THE social lubricant...
posted by anoldfriend6 at 7:54 PM
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Most weeks I don't talk to anyone except the checkers at my local grocery. There, I try to adopt a cheerful and amiable attitude, because I understand that checkers are people too and probably have enough surly or difficult customers to deal with. I don't require much social interaction myself, but I make the effort to meet their needs rather than stew in my own.
posted by SPrintF at 8:19 PM
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I am now tempted to take up wearing a cape and responding "best not asked" as I draw the cape up to below my eyes to stare balefully at the asker
posted by runsrealgood at 11:02 PM
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might need to be a cloak ideally
posted by away for regrooving at 12:16 AM
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we ask these questions for other purposes
What other purpose is there for asking somebody for how they are doing, except getting to know how they are doing?
posted by Barry Boterman at 1:46 AM
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It's like when I address a message "Dear So and So" to someone who is not in fact dear. The purpose is to acknowledge you as a person through this formulaic expression.
I was at dinner a while back with people of different backgrounds and this topic came up, how to answer "how are you". In Brazil, the only acceptable answer is positivity (all good, 100 percent, etc). In a lot of the Anglophone world, it's litotes and mild content (not bad, doing ok, pretty good). The English person present expressed horror at asking "how are you" and getting an honest and distressing answer. The French person said they hated it at first when they left France for English speaking places, because for them "how are you" is something strangers don't ask each other.
In conclusion, language and communication encompass much more than the literal meaning of words.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:59 AM
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But why could this acknowledgement not happen through more normal means? A simple hello would suffice, no? Or do English/Brazilian people enjoy random people asking them how they are to such a degree that denying them this pleasure from the outset would start the conversation off in a sour direction?
And why this added demand that no answer deviating from several chosen phrases be given in response? How does this help acknowledge someone as a person? Wouldn't it be the exact opposite, a reminder that you are not allowed to feel the feelings that you feel in their presence? That you are to behave according to a social script, like a one-dimensional character acting in a play? Why this feeling of horror when people start to act outside of their assigned script, how is that intended to acknowledge someone as a person? What role does that feeling play? Would you feel the same level of horror if someone did not adress you with 'dear' in a letter?
posted by Barry Boterman at 2:25 AM
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But why could this acknowledgement not happen through more normal means?
It seems pretty normal to me.
posted by ambrosen at 3:04 AM
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Man, I feel as much existential horror as the next doomer, but that stuff is contagious, and I care enough about people (and about how I appear to those people) that it's not even a question. How am I doing? Fine! How're you? Good, good. It's a spell, really: I am conjuring a sense of positivity and friendliness that tells the other person they won't pay a terrible price for interacting with me.
(Until it became normalized, the problem with "have a blessed day" was that it went in the other direction--"have a nice day," fine, good, thanks, but "have a blessed day," you're invoking God Himself in this conversation? Why would you summon a deity here at the end of my grocery store transaction? But now it's diluted and "blessed" means "nice" and it's fine.)
I thought the article was interesting, in terms of my job. I'm in a customer service kind of role, sort of; my day is spent communicating. Days where I don't speak, but only email and text, it's fine but a little empty. Days where I have a call with a favorite customer and we chit-chat for half an hour, that's a pretty good day. Days where it's nonstop calls where I have to hear my own voice forever and ever, because I'm having to explain complex things multiple times, my head just feels buzzy and weird. But I make more of a connection when I talk, than when I email. So it's kind of worth the buzzy and weird.
posted by mittens at 3:39 AM
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I should have said I have a choice between my response and lying.
If you you say "knock, knock", and someone answers "Who's there?" and you say "Orange", so that the other person can say "Orange who?" and you can say "Orange you glad to see me?", few people would consider that lying, even if you might, indeed, not actually be an orange.
posted by sohalt at 4:30 AM
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It seems pretty normal to me.
That is the most disturbing part about it.
posted by Barry Boterman at 5:55 AM
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Barry Boterman, I'd like to hear your thoughts on a plate of beans
posted by runsrealgood at 6:01 AM
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I feel like I'm not here to explain pre-k level socialisation to people who are being precious about it. You know what it's there for. Stop attention seeking with rudeness.
posted by ambrosen at 6:25 AM
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The French person said they hated it at first when they left France for English speaking places, because for them "how are you" is something strangers don't ask each other.
...except for the extremely common French greeting Ça va?. What horseshit. This faux confusion non-English speakers put on about "how are you" where they have noooo idea how to respond is so tiresome. ¿Qué pasa?, Wie geht's?, etc, most cultures have some sort of "how are you" equivalent that you aren't actually expected to answer with the true state of your life and feelings and instead are supposed to say something akin to "I'm good" or "Fine".
posted by star gentle uterus at 6:47 AM
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It's not weird. Primates check in with each other and try to keep the peace.
Less physical contact probably does mean less checking in, less verbalization. Feels like a loss.
posted by tiny frying pan at 7:07 AM
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It can be, but it's entirely dependent on the variance if whatever you're estimating. And I bet how many words each person speaks has a pretty high variance. On top of that, the main conclusion is about a difference between two averages, the average spoken word now vs what it was decades ago. This has a much higher variance than an individual average.
I'd bet the number of words a person speaks is also highly variable by age.
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:26 AM
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From the BBC article:
The study also discovered some variation based on age. While all age groups were affected, participants aged 25 or younger showed a markedly steeper decline in speech, perhaps related to their greater use of technology.
posted by star gentle uterus at 7:29 AM
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pre-k level socialisation
Learning to ask others how they are doing, is indeed pre-k level. However, the 'knowledge' that there are then supposed to be only a few flavours of acceptable answers is learned much much later. Kindergartners would not feel 'horror' if they asked someone how they were doing and the other child says 'My father beats me when he drinks'.
So children are first taught to care about others, and only then later are they taught to use a more regressive/stilted form of the interaction, going through all of its motions while removing the one thing (the interest in others' lives) that made it valuable. At that point, why not get rid of it? Why keep it around? What utility does this degraded form provide to the person asking the question?
I am just trying to understand the psychology of a person that makes them want to ask someone how they are, but then not want to actually hear the answer.
posted by Barry Boterman at 7:49 AM
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I am just trying to understand the psychology of a person that makes them want to ask someone how they are, but then not want to actually hear the answer.
have you ever had a conversation before
posted by mittens at 7:54 AM
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What other purpose is there for asking somebody for how they are doing, except getting to know how they are doing?
When I'm making small talk (n.b.: hardcore introvert here) it's not to get to know someone I likely will never see again, it's to put both them and myself at ease in a slightly novel situation. Much like funerals aren't for the dead, etiquette isn't for you. It's for the community. Maybe unbridled no holds barred honestly à la Aleph works out for them, but that would sure surprise me.
posted by plagued out moggies at 7:58 AM
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aleph: "I should have said I have a choice between my response and lying. No, I don't like lying. Even "social ones"."
A conversation I have had some version of 100 times:
Retail worker making blandly polite conversation: "how are you?"
Me: "dude you ever have one of those days where everything you touch turns to shit and nothing goes right?"
Retail worker: pause. "all the time"
Me: "well I hope yours gets better"
Retail worker: "yours too"
Everyone gets to be honest but you manage to reclaim a bit of community and hope in the process.
posted by phunniemee at 8:03 AM
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Kindergartners would not feel 'horror' if they asked someone how they were doing and the other child says 'My father beats me when he drinks'.
Barry, could you tell us a little bit about how you determined this to be true? My little sister teaches early elementary school and my grandma ran a nursery school, and the idea that children would be unaffected/blase about learning that info from a peer is frankly one of the strangest things I can imagine someone thinking.
posted by plagued out moggies at 8:09 AM
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I do resent that "how are you" has been turned into a meaningless social signal.
"we ask these questions for other purposes" => turning the actual words into nothing.
I have no problem talking with the cashiers. I'm a regular enough that "how are you" has a lot of time been turned into "hello". And we go from there.
posted by aleph at 8:09 AM
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Barry, could you tell us a little bit about how you determined this to be true?
Eh, I think that is something else that is just too generalized, (like how much people speak). My mom was a teacher, some kids at that age don't even know what 'drinking' or 'beating' is, so they would not a have a typical response, while others would be profane, violent, or had some drinks themselves. (kindergarten = 6 years old) The variance is just outrageous.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:25 AM
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"Drinking" maybe. But I'm pretty sure that a six-year-old knows what a beating is.
posted by SPrintF at 8:30 AM
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Yeah, there's a pretty massive difference between "doesn't understand the meaning of a word" and "totally unflappable cuz social graces haven't got em yet"
posted by plagued out moggies at 8:35 AM
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"How are you?" when asked by a cashier or other stranger (as opposed to a friend or a romantic partner or a family member) is phatic communication:
it means "I am a human, I acknowledge that you are also a human, I am not a threat."
It's not about exchanging information, it's about showing that you know and are willing to exchange the socially expected handshake.
Being asked "how are you?" and expected to lie when I was having a thoroughly miserable time back in ?2006? made me really sad/frustrated/angry,
but the cashier isn't actually asking,
it's more like the noise a dial up modem makes to your phone line to initiate a routine connection/electronic handshake.
I personally think that it is stupid and pointless, but it's not a battle worth fighting, you have to just say "not bad" and move on.
In French you would reply "Comme ci comme ça" which means "so-so" or "this and that" and that's about as negative as you are allowed to be with a stranger without derailing the interaction and making it stressful and unpleasant for everyone.
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 8:41 AM
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"... but it's not a battle worth fighting, you have to just say "not bad" and move on."
I don't.
posted by aleph at 8:44 AM
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Do you gain anything from it, aside from a sense of moral superiority?
posted by plagued out moggies at 8:48 AM
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Yes, people who answer my polite retail chitchat with something that includes me in their conversation, like phunnimee's does, is great - you are telling me something real, which is unexpected, but you are inviting me in to something, not warning me off. You aren't making me feel like we are having a hostile interaction.
Part of what I'm doing when asking how you are when you're at my register is inviting you to ask for help with something or get an answer to a question, and frequent responses are "oh actually I can't find the ear candles, would you be able to point out where they are" or "great but you're out of my favorite tea, can I place an order for some?" So I'm not just greasing the wheels of social interaction but also expressing my willingness to help you get what you need. Since we're a place that has a lot of regulars, we do form small passing friendships with a lot of people and can move from light politeness to more personal expressions of care or joking or politely listening to you ride your hobbyhorse a bit if you are bursting with the need to get a bit of a rant about the world out.
posted by PussKillian at 8:52 AM
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"...aside from a sense of moral superiority?"
Why would I bother with that?
posted by aleph at 8:56 AM
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the socially expected handshake
Wait, wait, I was okay with saying "how are you" but if I gotta touch someone's actual finger-skin I'm outta here.
posted by mittens at 9:02 AM
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