* * * * * Notes on two overheard phone conversations pertaining to some nefarious objective “Young Mr. Hoade [1]!” “I have bad tidings, young Mr. Conner! The accursed airline has cancelled my flight! Now my plans [2] to kidnap you have gone astray!” “Those scofflaws! Did they perchance give a pathetic excuse for the cancellation?” “We're currently having … a weather moment here in Lost Wages [3].” “Weather moment? Does Lost Wages even have weather? as I seem to recall, it's either bright and scortching hot, or dark and freezing cold.” “Apparently the pilots here do not know how to react to a light drizzle.” “As your attorney, I advise you to go medieval on their behinds. Also, I see they have a flight that is not cancelled, going to Detroit followed by a flight here to Lower Sheol [4]. Try getting on that one.” “Will do, young Mr. Conner!” * * * * * “Young Mr. Hoade!” “I have good tidings, young Mr. Conner! I found another airline that will attempt the perilous flight through a light drizzle to Lower Sheol!” “Another airline? What happened to the accursed airline?” “All flights cancelled. None of their pilots could face the slight misting from dihydrogen monoxide [5].” “So you got a round trip from the other airline?” “No, one way. The accursed airline will still honor the trip back from Lower Sheol to Lost Wages.” “I'm flummoxed [6].” “The accursed airline refunded the entire ticket price and let me keep the return ticket. I was then able to get a one-way ticket on the other airline to Lower Sheol.” “Wonderful!” “And I shall still be able to kidnap you tomorrow.” “And I shall still be able to drive the getaway car.” “House of the Rising Sun [7], here we come!” [1] http://seanhoade.com/ [2] http://www.wizardworld.com/home-neworleans.html [3] http://www.lasvegas.com/ [4] http://www.southflorida.com/ [5] http://www.dhmo.org/facts.html [6] http://www.flummux.org/ [7] http://www.nola.gov/ Email Sean Conner at sean@conman.org .