* * * * *
                                        
                Looking into the library and Check-point-Charlie
                                        
While looking for the source of last night's joke [1] I did come across some
really good bits from otherwise “eh” to “burn it. Burn it all to Hell! I
never wrote such trash!” columns) like the following from “Looking into the
library and Check-point-Charlie” (a commentary on the bag search the FAU
(Florida Atlantic University) [2] library had instituted at the time):

> Curses! Trapped again by Check-point Charlie. I open my knapsack, which was
> ransacked by the man.
> 
> “Right! You're cleared.”
> 
> “Can I ask what you're looking for?” I cautiously ask.
> 
> “Any material that belongs here in the library that has not been properly
> checked out, government forms, periodicals, microfilm, that sort of stuff.”
> 
> “What about rifles, shotguns, sub-machineguns, knives, numchauks, Chinese
> stars, cocaine, marijuana, heroine, pornographic material or bombs that I
> may have?”
> 
> “As long as you don't hijack the library, it's fine.” Well, ask a silly
> question … 
> 
> “Murphy's Law, December 9^th, 1987”
> 

Or this bit, from “Conner's rash of bad luck” whereby I talked about working
at Radio Shack [3] back when they actually carried all sorts of electrical
devices:

> “Hello, can I help you find some particular item?” I ask, after my manager
> throws me in the customer's direction.
> 
> “Yes, I'm trying to hook up my VCR (Video Cassette Recorder) to my car
> battery and 8mm movie projector, so I can record my home movies while I
> drive to Hueytown, Alabama. But I'm not entirely sure how to do it? Do you
> sell anything that I could possibly use?” is the usual request of the
> customer.
> 
> “Uhhhhhhh …” I say, looking around the store for something that looks
> remotely like a VCR-car battery/8mm movie projector connection kit and
> seeing nothing. “Do we have any VCR-car battery/8mm movie projector
> connection kits?” I end up asking the manager.
> 
> “Yes, right here,” he says, walks over to where I am standing, and holds up
> a cable. “One end goes into the VCR, this end goes into the 8mm movie
> projector, and these two ends (four ends on a cable?) hook on the car
> battery,” he says, holding the strange looking cable. “And over here we
> have the Radio Shack Universal Mounting Kit that goes with the cable, but
> we sell them separately to get more money.”
> 
> “Fine, I'll take it,” says the customer. And then my manager writes up the
> ticket and get the 6.25% commission.
> 
> “Murphy's Law, October 5^th, 1988”
> 

And this bit, from “Time for a checkup and a nasty shot of novocaine:”

> “How was the dentist?” mom asked when I got home.
> 
> “Tewwible,” I replied.
> 
> “Oh well, I rented you a movie to make up for the visit,” said mom, handing
> me a video tape.
> 
> “Wha' is it?” I asked.
> 
> “Marathon Man.”
> 
> “Murphy's Law, November 16^th, 1988”
> 

Trust me, the rest of the quoted columns? You don't need to read. And the
columns not here? You don't need to read those either.

[1] gopher://gopher.conman.org/0Phlog:2006/07/26.1
[2] http://www.fau.edu/
[3] http://www.radioshack.com/

Email Sean Conner at sean@conman.org

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