# Ego Renegade Boy

Al of DECSystem10

=> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSYmTw6_bjc I am begging people to listen to Ego Renegade Boy by FLAVOR FOLEY if you get nothing else from this post.

I'll explain why below.

## Content warning for transphobia primarily directed at trans men and discussion of cults.

A lot of my headmates are really into Vocaloid (to the point where we have a high amount of headmates based on vocal synths), and the one who tends to front most in a small Vocaloid server fronted to listen to the song and it described my experiences as a trans masculine headmate who formed from transphobic bullshit too well.

Another one of my headmates has more to say about this, but we were associated with a strange cult that, among other things, hated nonbinary people. This caused my formation, as I formed to be a "proper" trans person. This didn't work, by the way.

I befriended an abusive jerk, fronted until I had a falling out. Another headmate then decided to apologize (as the falling out was admittedly mostly me being obnoxious and I'll admit that) and re-befriend the abusive jerk.

Then some time later, the person who was fronting, who we now believe is Svetlana (Lucy turned out to be three different people who look similar in headspace and might be a medianish subsystem, Svetlana being the "primary" Lucy that would front), got traumatized by some other event I don't want to speak of, leaving me to front again. For the next year, I spent time with the abusive jerk and she showed that she hated trans men with a burning passion, and so we argued for a year until she decided that us not wanting to use a proprietary platform was grounds for cutting off, much to Svetlana's dismay.

We were willing to accept that we screwed up... until she went out of her way to trigger us in a Discord server that I tolerated her presence in.

I suspect this abusive jerk sees me as someone who "killed" Svetlana, the fawner she saw as the "real" person. I suppose Svetlana has been here for longer than I have, as she's arguably the "original" person (a position that is controversial in this system for many reasons). That being said, we share a body.

This suspicion feels so certain to me.

In lighter news, We had been discussing creating a system roster as so much has changed. So much. So so much.