== 2026-09-10 Thursday ==

I read the recent phlog post[0] by slugmax, discussing extreme 
introverts, with interest. I also read the article referred to in 
the post [1]

I've always regarded myself as an introvert. I've always preferred 
my own company, although I also have always had a few friends and 
certainly don't shun all contact with people in the ways described 
in the article. 

So I'm not quite the nocturnal-ultra-introvert.

In recent years I've found myself questioning whether I feel 
lonely. I've been married for almost 40 years, and we have a small 
social circle of shared friends. My wife has a larger group of her 
own friends that she also sees quite often. 

But I have no real friends of my own. No people I share my geek 
interests with in real life. No people to meet for coffee and a 
chat about the things /I/ find interesting. 

My circle of I-R-L friends doesn't include anyone who has even 
tangentially similar interests to mine..

So I question myself about this.... am I lonely because I don't 
socialize more with people? Should I try harder to build a social 
network? Am I suffering due to my relative isolation?

But if I don't try to compare myself with the supposed "norm" I 
don't really feel I'm missing anything.

I get enough social contact from the rather sparse, and to be 
honest, rather shallow, interaction with the friends I /do/ have.

When I imagine having a wider, or deeper, connectedness with other 
people I struggle to see how I'd be happier. I already find aspects 
of my relatively isolated lifestyle to be too intrusive.

Having more friendships seems exhausting, rather than exhilarating.

And I work alone mostly. I last had a work colleague in 2007.

I'm 60 years old. 

I think I've come to terms with the fact that I really don't want 
or need a great deal of social interaction. But I'm not ready to 
become a night-dweller. But that's probably because, living where I 
do - in the remote and isolated countryside - I already have a 
lifestyle with little-enough interpersonal interaction.

My daytimes already seem quite similar to the nighttimes described 
by the night-dwellers described in the Atlantic article.

And I _really_ don't understand the frequently voiced "I'm actually 
really shy, this extrovert behaviour you see is just my way of 
hiding my shyness". Usually given by the egregiously loud, pushy, 
show-off-y, extroverts....

No...

If you're actually shy you just avoid being seen...

.... you don't put on an extroverted and loud "look-at-me" act to 
hide behind....


You don't need to hide. 

You just don't call attention to yourself and people will mostly 
ignore you.


John


[0]: gopher://republic.circumlunar.space:70/0/~slugmax/phlog/2026-09-06-ultra-introvert 
[1]: gopher://republic.circumlunar.space/0/~slugmax/links/theatlantic.com.2022.02.22.ultra.introverts.nocturnal.lives.txt