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Date: Mon, 29 Aug 2011 00:38:44 GMT
From: Warren Block <wblock@wonkity.com>
To: freebsd-gnats-submit@FreeBSD.org
Subject: [patch] Handbook wireless section: sand off some rough edges
X-Send-Pr-Version: www-3.1
X-GNATS-Notify:

>Number:         160269
>Category:       docs
>Synopsis:       [patch] Handbook wireless section: sand off some rough edges
>Confidential:   no
>Severity:       non-critical
>Priority:       low
>Responsible:    wblock
>State:          closed
>Quarter:        
>Keywords:       
>Date-Required:  
>Class:          doc-bug
>Submitter-Id:   current-users
>Arrival-Date:   Mon Aug 29 00:40:03 UTC 2011
>Closed-Date:    Sun Dec 04 20:57:13 UTC 2011
>Last-Modified:  Sun Dec 04 20:57:13 UTC 2011
>Originator:     Warren Block
>Release:        8-STABLE
>Organization:
>Environment:
FreeBSD lightning 8.2-STABLE FreeBSD 8.2-STABLE #0: Fri Aug 26 13:17:14 MDT 2011     root@lightning:/usr/obj/usr/src/sys/LIGHTNING  i386
>Description:
Fix some wording and punctuation in the advanced networking/wireless section of the Handbook.
>How-To-Repeat:
Read the later parts of the wireless section.
>Fix:
Apply patch.

Patch attached with submission follows:

--- en_US.ISO8859-1/books/handbook/advanced-networking/chapter.sgml.orig	2011-08-28 17:57:28.000000000 -0600
+++ en_US.ISO8859-1/books/handbook/advanced-networking/chapter.sgml	2011-08-28 18:35:33.000000000 -0600
@@ -1225,7 +1225,7 @@
 	    the 802.1X authentication protocol and uses one of several
 	    ciphers instead of WEP for data integrity.  The only
 	    cipher required by WPA is TKIP (Temporary Key Integrity
-	    Protocol) which is a cipher that extends the basic RC4
+	    Protocol).  TKIP is a cipher that extends the basic RC4
 	    cipher used by WEP by adding integrity checking, tamper
 	    detection, and measures for responding to any detected
 	    intrusions.  TKIP is designed to work on legacy hardware
@@ -1243,7 +1243,7 @@
 	    station and the access point using a pre-shared secret.
 	    The former is commonly termed WPA Enterprise with the
 	    latter known as WPA Personal.  Since most people will not
-	    set up a RADIUS backend server for wireless network,
+	    set up a RADIUS backend server for their wireless network,
 	    WPA-PSK is by far the most commonly encountered
 	    configuration for WPA.</para>
 
@@ -1258,7 +1258,7 @@
 	  <sect5 id="network-wireless-wpa-wpa-psk">
 	    <title>WPA-PSK</title>
 
-	    <para>WPA-PSK also known as WPA-Personal is based on a
+	    <para>WPA-PSK, also known as WPA-Personal, is based on a
 	      pre-shared key (PSK) generated from a given password and
 	      that will be used as the master key in the wireless
 	      network.  This means every wireless user will share the
@@ -1289,7 +1289,7 @@
 	    <programlisting>wlans_ath0="wlan0"
 ifconfig_wlan0="WPA DHCP"</programlisting>
 
-	    <para>Then, we can bring up the interface:</para>
+	    <para>Then we can bring up the interface:</para>
 
 	    <screen>&prompt.root; <userinput><filename>/etc/rc.d/netif</filename> start</userinput>
 Starting wpa_supplicant.
@@ -1342,16 +1342,16 @@
       wme burst roaming MANUAL</screen>
 
 	    <note>
-	      <para>If the <filename>/etc/rc.conf</filename> is set up
+	      <para>If <filename>/etc/rc.conf</filename> is set up
 		with the line <literal>ifconfig_wlan0="DHCP"</literal>
-		then it is no need to run the
-		<command>dhclient</command> command manually,
+		then it is not necessary to run the
+		<command>dhclient</command> command manually.
 		<command>dhclient</command> will be launched after
 		<command>wpa_supplicant</command> plumbs the
 		keys.</para>
 	    </note>
 
-	    <para>In the case where the use of DHCP is not possible,
+	    <para>If DHCP is not possible or desired,
 	      you can set a static IP address after
 	      <command>wpa_supplicant</command> has authenticated the
 	      station:</para>
@@ -1370,7 +1370,7 @@
       wme burst roaming MANUAL</screen>
 
 	    <para>When DHCP is not used, you also have to manually set
-	      up the default gateway and the nameserver:</para>
+	      the default gateway and the nameserver:</para>
 
 	    <screen>&prompt.root; <userinput>route add default <replaceable>your_default_router</replaceable></userinput>
 &prompt.root; <userinput>echo "nameserver <replaceable>your_DNS_server</replaceable>" &gt;&gt; /etc/resolv.conf</userinput></screen>
@@ -1380,16 +1380,16 @@
 	    <title>WPA with EAP-TLS</title>
 
 	    <para>The second way to use WPA is with an 802.1X backend
-	      authentication server, in this case WPA is called
-	      WPA-Enterprise to make difference with the less secure
-	      WPA-Personal with its pre-shared key.  The
-	      authentication in WPA-Enterprise is based on EAP
+	      authentication server.  In this case WPA is called
+	      WPA-Enterprise to differentiate it from the less secure
+	      WPA-Personal with its pre-shared key.
+	      Authentication in WPA-Enterprise is based on EAP
 	      (Extensible Authentication Protocol).</para>
 
 	    <para>EAP does not come with an encryption method, it was
 	      decided to embed EAP inside an encrypted tunnel.  Many
-	      types of EAP authentication methods have been designed,
-	      the most common methods are EAP-TLS, EAP-TTLS and
+	      types of EAP authentication methods have been designed.
+	      The most common methods are EAP-TLS, EAP-TTLS and
 	      EAP-PEAP.</para>
 
 	    <para>EAP-TLS (EAP with Transport Layer Security) is a
@@ -1555,7 +1555,7 @@
 	      <callout arearefs="co-ttls-cacert">
 		<para>The <literal>ca_cert</literal> field indicates
 		  the pathname of the CA certificate file.  This file
-		  is needed to verify the server certificat.</para>
+		  is needed to verify the server certificate.</para>
 	      </callout>
 
 	      <callout arearefs="co-ttls-pha2">
@@ -1599,10 +1599,10 @@
 
 	    <para>PEAP (Protected EAP) has been designed as an
 	      alternative to EAP-TTLS.  There are two types of PEAP
-	      methods, the most common one is PEAPv0/EAP-MSCHAPv2.  In
+	      methods; the most common one is PEAPv0/EAP-MSCHAPv2.  In
 	      the rest of this document, we will use the PEAP term to
 	      refer to that EAP method.  PEAP is the most used EAP
-	      standard after EAP-TLS, in other words if you have a
+	      standard after EAP-TLS.  In other words, if you have a
 	      network with mixed OSes, PEAP should be the most
 	      supported standard after EAP-TLS.</para>
 
@@ -1610,9 +1610,9 @@
 	      certificate to authenticate clients by creating an
 	      encrypted TLS tunnel between the client and the
 	      authentication server, which protects the ensuing
-	      exchange of authentication information.  In term of
+	      exchange of authentication information.  In terms of
 	      security the difference between EAP-TTLS and PEAP is
-	      that PEAP authentication broadcasts the username in
+	      that PEAP authentication broadcasts the username in the
 	      clear, only the password is sent in the encrypted TLS
 	      tunnel.  EAP-TTLS will use the TLS tunnel for both
 	      username and password.</para>
@@ -1661,7 +1661,7 @@
 		  first phase of the authentication (the TLS
 		  tunnel).  According to the authentication server
 		  used, you will have to specify a specific label
-		  for the authentication.  Most of time, the label
+		  for the authentication.  Most of the time, the label
 		  will be <quote>client EAP encryption</quote> which
 		  is set by using <literal>peaplabel=0</literal>.
 		  More information can be found in the
@@ -1682,7 +1682,7 @@
 	    <programlisting>wlans_ath0="wlan0"
 ifconfig_wlan0="WPA DHCP"</programlisting>
 
-	    <para>Then, we can bring up the interface:</para>
+	    <para>Then we can bring up the interface:</para>
 
 	    <screen>&prompt.root; <userinput>/etc/rc.d/netif start</userinput>
 Starting wpa_supplicant.
@@ -1709,7 +1709,7 @@
 
 	  <para>WEP (Wired Equivalent Privacy) is part of the original
 	    802.11 standard.  There is no authentication mechanism,
-	    only a weak form of access control, and it is easily to be
+	    only a weak form of access control, and it is easily
 	    cracked.</para>
 
 	  <para>WEP can be set up with
@@ -1724,18 +1724,18 @@
 	      <para>The <literal>weptxkey</literal> means which WEP
 		key will be used in the transmission.  Here we used the
 		third key.  This must match the setting in the access
-		point.  If you do not have any idea of what is the key
-		used by the access point, you should try to use
+		point.  If you do not have any idea of which key is
+		used by the access point, try
 		<literal>1</literal> (i.e., the first key) for this
 		value.</para>
 	    </listitem>
 
 	    <listitem>
-	      <para>The <literal>wepkey</literal> means setting the
-		selected WEP key.  It should in the format
-		<replaceable>index:key</replaceable>, if the index is
-		not given, key <literal>1</literal> is set.  That is
-		to say we need to set the index if we use keys other
+	      <para>The <literal>wepkey</literal> selects one of the
+		WEP keys.  It should be in the format
+		<replaceable>index:key</replaceable>.  Key
+		<literal>1</literal> is used by default; the index
+		only needs to be set if we use a key other
 		than the first key.</para>
 
 	      <note>
@@ -1746,7 +1746,7 @@
 	    </listitem>
 	  </itemizedlist>
 
-	  <para>You are encouraged to read &man.ifconfig.8; manual
+	  <para>You are encouraged to read the &man.ifconfig.8; manual
 	    page for further information.</para>
 
 	  <para>The <command>wpa_supplicant</command> facility also
@@ -1777,7 +1777,7 @@
       <para>IBSS mode, also called ad-hoc mode, is designed for point
 	to point connections.  For example, to establish an ad-hoc
 	network between the machine <hostid>A</hostid> and the machine
-	<hostid>B</hostid> we will just need to choose two IP addresses
+	<hostid>B</hostid>, we will just need to choose two IP addresses
 	and a SSID.</para>
 
       <para>On the box <hostid>A</hostid>:</para>
@@ -1822,7 +1822,7 @@
 	  protmode CTS wme burst</screen>
 
 	  <para>Both <hostid>A</hostid> and <hostid>B</hostid> are now
-	    ready to exchange informations.</para>
+	    ready to exchange information.</para>
     </sect2>
 
     <sect2 id="network-wireless-ap">
@@ -1839,19 +1839,19 @@
 	<para>Before configuring your &os; machine as an AP, the
 	  kernel must be configured with the appropriate wireless
 	  networking support for your wireless card.  You also have to
-	  add the support for the security protocols you intend to
+	  add support for the security protocols you intend to
 	  use.  For more details, see <xref
 	  linkend="network-wireless-basic">.</para>
 
 	<note>
 	  <para>The use of the NDIS driver wrapper and the &windows;
-	    drivers do not allow currently the AP operation.  Only
+	    drivers do not currently allow AP operation.  Only
 	    native &os; wireless drivers support AP mode.</para>
 	</note>
 
-	<para>Once the wireless networking support is loaded, you can
+	<para>Once wireless networking support is loaded, you can
 	  check if your wireless device supports the host-based access
-	  point mode (also know as hostap mode):</para>
+	  point mode (also known as hostap mode):</para>
 
 	<screen>&prompt.root; <userinput>ifconfig <replaceable>wlan0</replaceable> create wlandev <replaceable>ath0</replaceable></userinput>
 &prompt.root; <userinput>ifconfig <replaceable>wlan0</replaceable> list caps</userinput>
@@ -1861,8 +1861,8 @@
 	<para>This output displays the card capabilities; the
 	  <literal>HOSTAP</literal> word confirms this wireless card
 	  can act as an Access Point.  Various supported ciphers are
-	  also mentioned: WEP, TKIP, AES, etc., these informations
-	  are important to know what security protocols could be set
+	  also mentioned: WEP, TKIP, AES, etc., this information
+	  is important to know what security protocols could be set
 	  on the Access Point.</para>
 
 	<para>The wireless device can only be put into hostap mode
@@ -1877,7 +1877,7 @@
 	<screen>&prompt.root; <userinput>ifconfig <replaceable>wlan0</replaceable> create wlandev <replaceable>ath0</replaceable> wlanmode hostap</userinput>
 &prompt.root; <userinput>ifconfig <replaceable>wlan0</replaceable> inet <replaceable>192.168.0.1</replaceable> netmask <replaceable>255.255.255.0</replaceable> ssid <replaceable>freebsdap</replaceable> mode 11g channel 1</userinput></screen>
 
-	<para>Use again <command>ifconfig</command> to see the status
+	<para>Use <command>ifconfig</command> again to see the status
 	  of the <devicename>wlan0</devicename> interface:</para>
 
 	<screen>&prompt.root; <userinput>ifconfig <replaceable>wlan0</replaceable></userinput>
@@ -2150,7 +2150,7 @@
       <para>On &os;, it is possible to combine two or even more network
 	interfaces together in a <quote>failover</quote> fashion, that
 	is, to use the most preferred and available connection from a
-	group of network interfaces, and have the operating system to
+	group of network interfaces, and have the operating system
 	switch automatically when the link state changes.</para>
 
       <para>We will cover link aggregation and failover in <xref linkend="network-aggregation">


>Release-Note:
>Audit-Trail:

From: Garrett Cooper <yanegomi@gmail.com>
To: Warren Block <wblock@wonkity.com>
Cc: freebsd-gnats-submit@freebsd.org
Subject: Re: docs/160269: [patch] Handbook wireless section: sand off some
 rough edges
Date: Sun, 28 Aug 2011 18:03:28 -0700

 On Sun, Aug 28, 2011 at 5:38 PM, Warren Block <wblock@wonkity.com> wrote:
 >
 >>Number: =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 160269
 >>Category: =A0 =A0 =A0 docs
 >>Synopsis: =A0 =A0 =A0 [patch] Handbook wireless section: sand off some ro=
 ugh edges
 >>Confidential: =A0 no
 >>Severity: =A0 =A0 =A0 non-critical
 >>Priority: =A0 =A0 =A0 low
 >>Responsible: =A0 =A0freebsd-doc
 >>State: =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0open
 >>Quarter:
 >>Keywords:
 >>Date-Required:
 >>Class: =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0doc-bug
 >>Submitter-Id: =A0 current-users
 >>Arrival-Date: =A0 Mon Aug 29 00:40:03 UTC 2011
 >>Closed-Date:
 >>Last-Modified:
 >>Originator: =A0 =A0 Warren Block
 >>Release: =A0 =A0 =A0 =A08-STABLE
 >>Organization:
 >>Environment:
 > FreeBSD lightning 8.2-STABLE FreeBSD 8.2-STABLE #0: Fri Aug 26 13:17:14 M=
 DT 2011 =A0 =A0 root@lightning:/usr/obj/usr/src/sys/LIGHTNING =A0i386
 >>Description:
 > Fix some wording and punctuation in the advanced networking/wireless sect=
 ion of the Handbook.
 >>How-To-Repeat:
 > Read the later parts of the wireless section.
 >>Fix:
 > Apply patch.
 >
 > Patch attached with submission follows:
 >
 > --- en_US.ISO8859-1/books/handbook/advanced-networking/chapter.sgml.orig =
 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A02011-08-28 17:57:28.000000000 -0600
 > +++ en_US.ISO8859-1/books/handbook/advanced-networking/chapter.sgml =A0 =
 =A0 2011-08-28 18:35:33.000000000 -0600
 > @@ -1225,7 +1225,7 @@
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0the 802.1X authentication protocol and uses one of=
  several
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0ciphers instead of WEP for data integrity. =A0The =
 only
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0cipher required by WPA is TKIP (Temporary Key Inte=
 grity
 > - =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 Protocol) which is a cipher that extends the basic =
 RC4
 > + =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 Protocol). =A0TKIP is a cipher that extends the bas=
 ic RC4
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0cipher used by WEP by adding integrity checking, t=
 amper
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0detection, and measures for responding to any dete=
 cted
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0intrusions. =A0TKIP is designed to work on legacy =
 hardware
 > @@ -1243,7 +1243,7 @@
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0station and the access point using a pre-shared se=
 cret.
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0The former is commonly termed WPA Enterprise with =
 the
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0latter known as WPA Personal. =A0Since most people=
  will not
 > - =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 set up a RADIUS backend server for wireless network=
 ,
 > + =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 set up a RADIUS backend server for their wireless n=
 etwork,
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0WPA-PSK is by far the most commonly encountered
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0configuration for WPA.</para>
 >
 > @@ -1258,7 +1258,7 @@
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0<sect5 id=3D"network-wireless-wpa-wpa-psk">
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0<title>WPA-PSK</title>
 >
 > - =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 <para>WPA-PSK also known as WPA-Personal is based o=
 n a
 > + =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 <para>WPA-PSK, also known as WPA-Personal, is based=
  on a
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0pre-shared key (PSK) generated from a given pa=
 ssword and
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0that will be used as the master key in the wir=
 eless
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0network. =A0This means every wireless user wil=
 l share the
 > @@ -1289,7 +1289,7 @@
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0<programlisting>wlans_ath0=3D"wlan0"
 > =A0ifconfig_wlan0=3D"WPA DHCP"</programlisting>
 >
 > - =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 <para>Then, we can bring up the interface:</para>
 > + =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 <para>Then we can bring up the interface:</para>
 >
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0<screen>&prompt.root; <userinput><filename>/etc/rc=
 .d/netif</filename> start</userinput>
 > =A0Starting wpa_supplicant.
 > @@ -1342,16 +1342,16 @@
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 wme burst roaming MANUAL</screen>
 >
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0<note>
 > - =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 <para>If the <filename>/etc/rc.conf</filename> =
 is set up
 > + =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 <para>If <filename>/etc/rc.conf</filename> is s=
 et up
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0with the line <literal>ifconfig_wlan0=3D"D=
 HCP"</literal>
 > - =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 then it is no need to run the
 > - =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 <command>dhclient</command> command manuall=
 y,
 > + =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 then it is not necessary to run the
 > + =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 <command>dhclient</command> command manuall=
 y.
 
 This isn't entirely true. You can specify other options like
 "SYNCDHCP", "ssid <foo> DHCP", etc, and it will achieve what's
 described below. Manual execution of dhclient in general should be
 discouraged for most users.
 
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0<para>EAP does not come with an encryption method,=
  it was
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0decided to embed EAP inside an encrypted tunne=
 l. =A0Many
 > - =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 types of EAP authentication methods have been d=
 esigned,
 > - =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 the most common methods are EAP-TLS, EAP-TTLS a=
 nd
 > + =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 types of EAP authentication methods have been d=
 esigned.
 > + =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 The most common methods are EAP-TLS, EAP-TTLS a=
 nd
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0EAP-PEAP.</para>
 
 Maybe it should say something like "There are many EAP authentication
 methods: the most common ones are EAP-TLS, EAP-TTLS, and EAP-PEAP" ?
 
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0<para>EAP-TLS (EAP with Transport Layer Security) =
 is a
 > @@ -1555,7 +1555,7 @@
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0<callout arearefs=3D"co-ttls-cacert">
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0<para>The <literal>ca_cert</literal> field=
  indicates
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0the pathname of the CA certificate fil=
 e. =A0This file
 > - =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 is needed to verify the server certific=
 at.</para>
 > + =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 is needed to verify the server certific=
 ate.</para>
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0</callout>
 >
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0<callout arearefs=3D"co-ttls-pha2">
 > @@ -1599,10 +1599,10 @@
 >
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0<para>PEAP (Protected EAP) has been designed as an
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0alternative to EAP-TTLS. =A0There are two type=
 s of PEAP
 > - =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 methods, the most common one is PEAPv0/EAP-MSCH=
 APv2. =A0In
 > + =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 methods; the most common one is PEAPv0/EAP-MSCH=
 APv2. =A0In
 
 That could be a colon instead.
 
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0the rest of this document, we will use the PEA=
 P term to
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0refer to that EAP method. =A0PEAP is the most =
 used EAP
 > - =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 standard after EAP-TLS, in other words if you h=
 ave a
 > + =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 standard after EAP-TLS. =A0In other words, if y=
 ou have a
 
 This could be a semicolon.
 
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0network with mixed OSes, PEAP should be the mo=
 st
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0supported standard after EAP-TLS.</para>
 >
 > @@ -1610,9 +1610,9 @@
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0certificate to authenticate clients by creatin=
 g an
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0encrypted TLS tunnel between the client and th=
 e
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0authentication server, which protects the ensu=
 ing
 > - =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 exchange of authentication information. =A0In t=
 erm of
 > + =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 exchange of authentication information. =A0In t=
 erms of
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0security the difference between EAP-TTLS and P=
 EAP is
 > - =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 that PEAP authentication broadcasts the usernam=
 e in
 > + =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 that PEAP authentication broadcasts the usernam=
 e in the
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0clear, only the password is sent in the encryp=
 ted TLS
 > =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0 =A0tunnel.
 
 This sentence is extremely wordy.
 
 The rest of the changes are good incremental improvements to the
 existing doc :).
 
 Thanks!
 -Garrett

From: Benjamin Kaduk <kaduk@MIT.EDU>
To: Warren Block <wblock@wonkity.com>
Cc: freebsd-gnats-submit@freebsd.org, freebsd-doc@freebsd.org
Subject: Re: docs/160269: [patch] Handbook wireless section: sand off some
 rough	edges
Date: Sun, 28 Aug 2011 22:15:50 -0400 (EDT)

 With all due respect to Garrett [but not his mail client's handling of 
 whitespace],
 
 On Mon, 29 Aug 2011, Warren Block wrote:
 
 >
 > --- en_US.ISO8859-1/books/handbook/advanced-networking/chapter.sgml.orig	2011-08-28 17:57:28.000000000 -0600
 > +++ en_US.ISO8859-1/books/handbook/advanced-networking/chapter.sgml	2011-08-28 18:35:33.000000000 -0600
 > @@ -1380,16 +1380,16 @@
 > 	    <title>WPA with EAP-TLS</title>
 >
 > 	    <para>The second way to use WPA is with an 802.1X backend
 > -	      authentication server, in this case WPA is called
 > -	      WPA-Enterprise to make difference with the less secure
 > -	      WPA-Personal with its pre-shared key.  The
 > -	      authentication in WPA-Enterprise is based on EAP
 > +	      authentication server.  In this case WPA is called
 > +	      WPA-Enterprise to differentiate it from the less secure
 > +	      WPA-Personal with its pre-shared key.
 > +	      Authentication in WPA-Enterprise is based on EAP
 > 	      (Extensible Authentication Protocol).</para>
 
 This doesn't feel quite right; I would use "is based on the Extensible 
 Authentication Protocol (EAP)."
 
 >
 > 	    <para>EAP does not come with an encryption method, it was
 > 	      decided to embed EAP inside an encrypted tunnel.  Many
 > -	      types of EAP authentication methods have been designed,
 > -	      the most common methods are EAP-TLS, EAP-TTLS and
 > +	      types of EAP authentication methods have been designed.
 > +	      The most common methods are EAP-TLS, EAP-TTLS and
 > 	      EAP-PEAP.</para>
 >
 > 	    <para>EAP-TLS (EAP with Transport Layer Security) is a
 > @@ -1610,9 +1610,9 @@
 > 	      certificate to authenticate clients by creating an
 > 	      encrypted TLS tunnel between the client and the
 > 	      authentication server, which protects the ensuing
 > -	      exchange of authentication information.  In term of
 > +	      exchange of authentication information.  In terms of
 > 	      security the difference between EAP-TTLS and PEAP is
 > -	      that PEAP authentication broadcasts the username in
 > +	      that PEAP authentication broadcasts the username in the
 > 	      clear, only the password is sent in the encrypted TLS
 > 	      tunnel.  EAP-TTLS will use the TLS tunnel for both
 
 As Garrett mentions, this sentence is getting pretty long.
 I would put a comma after "security", and a linking word before "only the 
 password is sent ...".  Maybe "meaning", or "so that".
 
 > 	      username and password.</para>
 > @@ -1661,7 +1661,7 @@
 > 		  first phase of the authentication (the TLS
 > 		  tunnel).  According to the authentication server
 > 		  used, you will have to specify a specific label
 > -		  for the authentication.  Most of time, the label
 > +		  for the authentication.  Most of the time, the label
 
 I think the "the" in "the authentication" is not needed.
 
 > 		  will be <quote>client EAP encryption</quote> which
 > 		  is set by using <literal>peaplabel=0</literal>.
 > 		  More information can be found in the
 > @@ -1861,8 +1861,8 @@
 > 	<para>This output displays the card capabilities; the
 > 	  <literal>HOSTAP</literal> word confirms this wireless card
 > 	  can act as an Access Point.  Various supported ciphers are
 > -	  also mentioned: WEP, TKIP, AES, etc., these informations
 > -	  are important to know what security protocols could be set
 > +	  also mentioned: WEP, TKIP, AES, etc., this information
 
 I would change this comma to a full stop.  (Maybe a semicolon, but it 
 would be a bit odd to have colon and semicolon in such proximity.)
 
 Thanks for assembling all these fixes into a patch!
 
 -Ben Kaduk
 
 > +	  is important to know what security protocols could be set
 > 	  on the Access Point.</para>
 >
 > 	<para>The wireless device can only be put into hostap mode

From: Benjamin Kaduk <kaduk@MIT.EDU>
To: Warren Block <wblock@wonkity.com>
Cc: Garrett Cooper <yanegomi@gmail.com>, freebsd-doc@freebsd.org,
        bug-followup@freebsd.org
Subject: Re: docs/160269: [patch] Handbook wireless section: sand off some
 rough edges
Date: Mon, 29 Aug 2011 21:53:13 -0400 (EDT)

 Looks good; thanks for doing the follow-up!
 
 -Ben
 
Responsible-Changed-From-To: freebsd-doc->wblock 
Responsible-Changed-By: wblock 
Responsible-Changed-When: Sun Dec 4 18:54:14 UTC 2011 
Responsible-Changed-Why:  
Take. 

http://www.freebsd.org/cgi/query-pr.cgi?pr=160269 
State-Changed-From-To: open->closed 
State-Changed-By: wblock 
State-Changed-When: Sun Dec 4 20:56:11 UTC 2011 
State-Changed-Why:  
Committed. 

http://www.freebsd.org/cgi/query-pr.cgi?pr=160269 
>Unformatted:
