   Things Not to Write on a Cover Letter or a Resume

   Employers told us some of the worst things they have ever seen on a
   resume or a cover letter. Of course, the person who wrote them never
   made it to an interview. As a matter of fact, the resume or cover
   letter probably hit the recycling bin. Make sure you don't make the
   same or similar mistakes!

   30. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."
   29. "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
   28. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous
       employers."
   27. "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get
       to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under those
       conditions."
   26. "Marital status: often. Children: various."
   25. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I
       have never quit a job."
   24. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain
       store."
   23. "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
   22. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
   21. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
   20. "My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training
       in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
   19. "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
       absolutely nothing."
   18. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs.... Please feel free to
       respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
   17. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
   16. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No
       commitments."
   15. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
   14. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
   13. "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
   12. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
   11. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
   10. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
    9. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
    8. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
    7. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."
    6. "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
    5. "I have the ability to access problems and provide quick
       solutions."
    4. "When you phone me for an interview, if a man answers hang up."
    3. "I am only available for an interview this Friday afternoon. I
       will phone for an interview."
    2. "Do I have to be nice to stupid customers?"
    1. "My salary expectation is at least $45K, anally."
