Posts by roxiqt@mastodon.social
(DIR) Post #ASpBrbzdnhD6SqQjUO by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-02-18T19:44:44Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
ME: [has anxiety] I am anxiousSOME GUY: You don't have anything to be anxious aboutME: Ahhh, perfect, I have been cured
(DIR) Post #AStEHQugawusAcOOmW by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-02-20T21:18:40Z
1 likes, 2 repeats
Cancelling plans is okay. Putting yourself first is okay. Going for a long walk in the forest is okay. Befriending a large crow that was sitting in a tree is okay. Training the crow to fly into grocery stores & shoplift bread is okay. Do what you need to do to cope.
(DIR) Post #AT4zSjPD0wcZIE7Mxs by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-02-26T17:19:54Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
I don't want to be a trad wife. I don't want to be a wine mom. I simply want to follow a gang of raccoons around the city in an effort to find out where they keep their garbage treasures.
(DIR) Post #AT7XxTkb3SAgTTsIVs by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-02-27T19:32:10Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
"Suffering builds character" I have had enough character development & am ready to be happy, thank you
(DIR) Post #ATDVB5XLG6Ddc6I06y by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-03-02T20:32:11Z
1 likes, 2 repeats
MY BRAIN: We have an appointment laterME: Okay, I'd like to be productive this morningMY BRAIN: We'd prefer to wait for the appointmentME: But I wanted to be productive-MY BRAIN: Too bad, we are busy waiting for the appointment
(DIR) Post #AU0J2NBWWf99OttITw by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-03-25T18:21:42Z
0 likes, 2 repeats
Pigeons are trying to take over my balcony so I put some sparkly streamers out to deter them. Unfortunately, these are not regular pigeons. They are city pigeons so they thought this was fabulous and have taken the streamers to try and build giant sparkly pigeon rave nests.
(DIR) Post #AULdtuivfWYCyhpBoW by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-04-04T18:08:17Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
ME: [googling Why Do I Have A Migraine?]GOOGLE: You need caffeine. You drink too much caffeine. You need sleep. You sleep too much. You need to eat. Food can cause migraines. The weather changed & you should've figured out how to control that. You need to go back in time and-
(DIR) Post #AUWv10DeqYa7WJkEwy by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-04-10T22:09:16Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
If you're not happy single, you won't be happy in a relationship. True happiness comes from watching a seagull shoplift snacks from a convenience store, not from another person.
(DIR) Post #AUvhZZwx6ASuj60cqG by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-04-22T22:12:00Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
I don't know who needs to hear this but if you start your day by staging a cat wedding where you lure the bride & groom cats down the aisle with cat nip, it's okay. It's also okay to make a fish shaped wedding cake for your cats. You can give them little fancy outfits too.
(DIR) Post #AVNkwcQdmvyZMaS3ZQ by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-05-06T00:36:06Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
Cows are just acoustic lawnmowers.
(DIR) Post #AVQ2bk0IcFMYGcFEYa by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-05-07T14:48:11Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
Never letting a man send me songs on Spotify ever again. You break my heart? Whatever. But you dare to screw up my Discover Weekly? Or worse- my Spotify Wrapped? Disgusting. Shameful. Unforgivable. You will not see the gates of Heaven.
(DIR) Post #AVSPEHF44X9hfIqrAW by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-05-08T14:07:34Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
I'm oblivious to subtle flirting. I'll assume you're just being polite & maybe a little weird. The only way I'll notice that you're actually flirting with me is if you send me $1000 (as it is clearly the romance number). Otherwise, it's just impossible for me to tell.
(DIR) Post #AVYGegishy9W9JMjtQ by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-05-11T16:25:20Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
If humans could fly, I think some of us would. But it probably takes the same amount of energy as running. So realistically, I think most of us would end up like pigeons & loiter outside of convenience stores instead of flying across the country.
(DIR) Post #AXNTO6UDxzSQEyNmtc by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-07-05T02:24:14Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
ME, 20: I'm going to six bars & staying out all night ME, 25: I'm going to one bar & will go home at midnight ME, 30: I'm going to drink a glass of water at home & compare fruit prices at grocery stores online
(DIR) Post #AXlHt3mqAi9OmsCnNg by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-07-16T19:30:56Z
2 likes, 1 repeats
Dating someone that actually likes you is wild. Like, what do you mean this person actually wants me around? And tries to get to know me? And asks what my blood type is? Or if I have both kidneys? Or if I wanna fly out & meet them alone in an abandoned hospital? It's nice to feel appreciated.
(DIR) Post #AXxbVM9ZUo7rsaxsyu by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-07-22T16:57:31Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
I'm not saying I'd illegally keep a raccoon as a pet but I am saying that if one enters my home by choice & wants to take over the spare room with raccoon-sized furniture, it would be impolite to make them leave.
(DIR) Post #AYA1ZkAec8gIeUcNtY by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-07-28T16:24:18Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
THEM: If it was important, you'd remember ME: [has ADHD] I frequently forget that close friends of mine exist
(DIR) Post #AYTb5ISFA5k58tEPtA by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-08-06T23:33:49Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
One day, I'm going to find a skeleton king with a haunted pirate ship & you'll wish you had texted me back. But it will be too late by then because cell reception is very bad in the middle of the ocean.
(DIR) Post #AYWxyaDzZj0UeGDHF2 by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-08-08T18:59:28Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
We should invent a job where someone gives out accurate info on how to avoid getting infected with the plague so we can actually get the pandemic under control. Maybe, someone who cared about the public's health? Perhaps a team of people? We could call it "public health." Just a new idea I invented.
(DIR) Post #AYYHP1khwX57q9nZRY by roxiqt@mastodon.social
2023-08-09T05:28:43Z
2 likes, 1 repeats
I don't dress up to impress people. I dress up so that if I randomly turn into a ghost, I won't hate the outfit that I'm stuck wearing forever.