Posts by rob@social.afront.org
(DIR) Post #Aqx7myNBZIdpaKLorA by rob@social.afront.org
2025-02-09T20:07:12Z
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@Computer — Friend Computer, I admire the sanity, sobriety, deliberateness, and wisdom of Alpha Complex, especially in comparison to my home government. How may I defect?
(DIR) Post #Aqx89wFdcgihfHltnE by rob@social.afront.org
2025-02-09T20:10:23Z
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@aprilfollies @Computer — Alpha Complex is guided by several important principles of law, especially that the law must be both coherent and illuminating.In order to deliver on this important social promise, the law is coherent, illuminating, and tuned to precisely fifteen nanometers.And now you know, Friend Citizen!
(DIR) Post #Aqx8TFsgrcC832FULg by rob@social.afront.org
2025-02-09T20:14:51Z
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@Computer @aprilfollies — Friend Computer, if you will but approve my petition to defect and escape my current government, I will devote all my significant talents of explication to helping your citizens understand your benevolence!
(DIR) Post #ArDkaZLfmuCZEv4wJE by rob@social.afront.org
2025-02-17T20:29:49Z
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@Computer — a suggested change to Troubleshooter Standard Manual rev. 1443, sec. A.(i).ü.(NOT CLEARED FOR THIS GLYPH).two:Change, "COMMUNISM: that which Troubleshooters fight," to:"COMMUNISM: a repellent ideology Troubleshooters counter with rapid volleys of precise, focused, coherent, illuminating arguments in the fifteen-nanometer wavelength."Purpose: this goes to demonstrate Troubleshooters are peaceful individuals seeking to enlighten, not harm, the world. (Enlighten at 15nm, or whatever inferior wavelength they are cleared for, at least.)
(DIR) Post #ArFLOZ56qWb2OkQjc8 by rob@social.afront.org
2025-02-18T08:24:55Z
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@Computer —By my authority as CPU of Sector JNE, effective immediately sectorwide no individual under a Yellow clearance is authorized to know about clearances.This policy was reached after much deliberation and will certainly not result in any disruption to Troubleshooter activities. Remember, Friend Citizens, disruptions are work stoppages and all work stoppages are Communist plots!
(DIR) Post #ArolwhVIsjZTCTnjma by rob@social.afront.org
2025-03-07T17:16:51Z
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@Computer —To: All IR, R, and O-classed citizens of JNE SectorFrom: CPU, JNE SectorRe: ClarificationThere is a pernicious and treasonous rumor being spread that if you report your dreams you are a good citizen complying with Friend Computer's rules.No.Good citizens do not have dreams in the first place. Dreams are a distraction from serving Friend Computer. Dreams inspire—gasp—even the idea things can be _better_. (What could be better than Alpha Complex and Friend Computer?)This is why in JNE Sector citizens are required to consume Bouncy Bubble Beverage in LD50 quantities before each sleepcycle. It is best to go through the inky blackness, well, inky and black; it is next-best to die in your sleep with a belly of Bouncy Bubble Beverage to keep you safe from dreams; it is far-from best to have dreams and report them; genuinely treasonous to have dreams and not report them; and unforgivable to have dreams and *share* them.Drink more Bouncy Bubble Beverage, citizen. Your dreams, they are always stalking you.
(DIR) Post #ArrA8FJoHpMoTZNp3Y by rob@social.afront.org
2025-03-08T20:57:17Z
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@Computer To: Citizens in JNE SectorFrom: CPURe: Clarification Due to Communist sabotage Friend Computer's last missive was corrupted. Mandatory happiness hours are not being extended to eight hours a day.They are being extended BY eight hours a day. With other mandatory happiness extensions each citizen is required to be happy 44 hours and 12 minutes each day cycle. Under JNE Sector's "Happy to Exceed Expectations" initiative, our voluntary minimum is 49 hours and 23 minutes.Emergency rations of Bouncy Bubble Beverage have been approved.Cheers, citizen! Stay happy!
(DIR) Post #ArrZGbIkw5FTpFyFM0 by rob@social.afront.org
2025-03-08T21:35:56Z
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Writing Paranoia Memos:Your job as a GM is to make the utterly impersonal bureaucracy feel excruciatingly personal. A trip to your local overworked government office will help. Watch the citizens, especially the angry ones: what did the bureaucracy do that makes them feel unfairly singled out? What turns otherwise rational people into utter conspiracy theorists? Take notes, and figure out how to apply the same technique in game.E.g.: my friend was going in for an FBI background check which had to be confirmed before he could start work. He was cleared! But the night before starting work the FBI lost his fingerprint card. They confirmed he passed his check but his file was incomplete: go in for another fingerprint card.Which they *also* lost. This happened seven times in total, and my friend was an incoherent conspiracy theorist by the end.
(DIR) Post #ArrZGfy1aadWIPJGEa by rob@social.afront.org
2025-03-08T21:49:28Z
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Second, the truth will always be used against you. If on Friday the background investigator accuses you of hiding major felonies and on Monday you're concealing your alcoholism, it was always bullshit and the investigator is either lazy enough not to keep the story straight or is hitting you for reactions.You must not say, "that's not what you said last week".You must not say, "I don't like being hit for reactions."You say, "I put last Friday out of mind, you were so off in the weeds I just brushed it off. Alcoholism? Yeah, you're in the weeds, but ask away."You must not lie. Lying will get you charged with perjury. But the truth will cost you your job for insubordination.Sane, well-adjusted people hate that tightrope. It causes psychological damage. Really.This makes it a perfect Paranoia tactic.
(DIR) Post #ArrZGkqlR0ndRKx26y by rob@social.afront.org
2025-03-08T21:56:03Z
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Rank hath its privileges, or as the government saying goes, "different spanks for different ranks". A young NSA analyst named Reality Winner leaked a classified document to the press and received a lengthy prison sentence. CIA Director Petraeus leaked classified documents, multiple, to his biographer/mistress and received a fine and probation, and is making a good living as a commentator.RHIP/DSFDR. It's very important official policy says this never happens. It's also very important the worker bees know it happens every single day.This is so Paranoia it doesn't even need adjustment!
(DIR) Post #ArrZGqCZXMDO2QC1IW by rob@social.afront.org
2025-03-08T22:09:32Z
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Blame is best when it's shifted onto the innocent. I knew one guy who was asked to talk to a high school class about satellites. He turned his lecture notes in for pre-approval and they were verified unclassified. He gave the lecture and a week later was told his approval was in error: his notes were highly classified and he needed to control the spill.He pointed out high school students generally can't enter binding agreements, so good luck getting them to sign an NDA.Too bad. The prepublication review team completely screwed up but none of them were disciplined, while my friend got raked over coals repeatedly for being responsible for the spill.Again: this requires no adaptation to work in Paranoia.
(DIR) Post #ArrZGuvNygREgZBrhg by rob@social.afront.org
2025-03-08T22:18:21Z
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Classified briefing spaces have special rules that must be followed if you're the first one in or the last one out. Since RHIP and blame is best when shifted, imagine the shenanigans if you're a guest in a new space and the last person who knows the procedures leaves for the day. You can't be in there unescorted. You also can't leave because you don't know the lockup procedures. Your only hope is to throw yourself on the mercy of internal security.Again, tailor made for Paranoia.
(DIR) Post #ArrnSivRoXxGIwk8xc by rob@social.afront.org
2025-03-09T03:15:44Z
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@cptbutton and @Computer — true story:I used to work in unclassified digital forensics. Didn't have a clearance, didn't want a clearance. I had a research project that had some interest from Fort Meade, so I was invited to deliver a speech and presentation. Since I had no clearance I was required to submit all my material via email, with the promise that NSA would have my materials present in the auditorium and set up exactly per my instruction.Day of the presentation, I showed up to the auditorium a half-hour early to do a dry run and make sure everything was set up properly.The first slide came up and I had a heart attack: it was a notice this slide deck had been classified TS//SI/G//NOFORN ORCON. I had no idea what any of that meant, I just knew it was *bad*.Turns out Fort Meade applied that ultra-high classification to every briefing that came along until such time as the bureaucracy could decide its proper classification.The briefing officer was apologetic but there was nothing he could do. I wasn't cleared to see my own slide deck, the unclassified one I put together at Fort Meade's request. I also couldn't demo my own software or show the real-world results I'd assembled for them.No kidding, I delivered my presentation devoid of notes, demos, or slide deck, starting it off with "There's a great slide deck accompanying this lecture, but I'm not cleared to see it. Please just imagine there's awesomeness being projected on screen continuously for the next 30 minutes."
(DIR) Post #AsBRp7kxrVbVrCJZNQ by rob@social.afront.org
2025-03-18T15:49:45Z
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@Computer To: JNE Sector, IR, R and O clearancesFrom: CPURe: ClarificationThe Computer (praise be upon it) says that Old World religions are all lies.This is correct.All hail the One Truth to be found in Friend Computer.The Computer (praise be upon it) says we will, in new lives, be given the opportunity to learn from the mistakes of our past selves.This is correct.You will be given the opportunity to learn from your past mistakes. But you haven't made any mistakes, have you? Mistakes are treasonous conspiracies and we know you're loyal. Therefore you cannot make a mistake.Even that time last week when you attempted, in the privacy of a bot closet, to fornicate with Bouncy Bubble Beverage and a spent cartridge from a laser? We were watching the entire time. We were very impressed. We did not laugh at you, no. We laughed *with* your struggles. The way friends should.You know. Maliciously.Your experiment failed, but you did not commit a mistake. You are a liberated, creative, innovative, and loyal citizen who will do anything, anything, to advance Alpha Complex and Friend Computer, and all it costs us is the occasional pat on the head now and again.The pat on the head is now done, citizen. We return you to your regularly scheduled grinding toil of impersonal but quite specifically and precisely targeted abuse.Report to the reactors at once to be turned into shielding.May your next life teach you the error of your ways.Also, how in Alpha Complex did you find a cartridge for a *laser*?
(DIR) Post #AsUR8m4pHt3GgBs2BE by rob@social.afront.org
2025-03-27T19:41:37Z
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@Computer To: JNE Sector, IR, R, and O clearancesFrom: CPURe: Historical context"Who knows what treason lurks within the hearts of men?"In pre-Computer days this question bordered on the inexplicable. Religious cults offered various pre-rational answers, none more contemptible than the ancient Roman cult of Justitia and its successors. Venerating a woman garbed in BDSM blindfolds [*] and into serious edgeplay [**], their central ritual involved asking twelve normal citizens — what we today would call IRs — to answer whether treason was to be found in a certain individual's heart.Pre-rational madness.Now we have a proper scientific method of determining treason: we allow Friend Computer to tell us and show us who the traitors are, then assemble teams of IntSec and Troubleshooters to manufacture^Wdiscover the inevitably-existing evidence verifying Friend Computer's pronouncement.All hail Friend Computer.Please sit still, as Troubleshooters have been dispatched to your location on a mission having nothing whatsoever to do with your reading the second footnote, you filthy traitor.[*] not only are you not cleared for that, I'm not, either[**] this one's so restricted you've committed treason by reading this footnote
(DIR) Post #AsURhmZLRuq8LEq31M by rob@social.afront.org
2025-03-27T19:47:57Z
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@Computer To: JNE Sector, IR, R, O clearancesFrom: CPURe: ClarificationDue to Communist sabotage Friend Computer's last message was garbled.It is not true that we unperson and disappear citizens.We first strip them of their citizenship, THEN unperson and disappear EX-citizens.All citizens are perfectly safe.Except you.
(DIR) Post #AsUS0f9zDhLKrgypZQ by rob@social.afront.org
2025-03-27T19:51:23Z
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@Computer In JNE sector the infrareds are celebrating the new affordability of eggs by sharing them freely with IntSec.At high velocity.IntSec is joining the celebration with a laser light show!At higher velocity.
(DIR) Post #AsjfuQsynrM4ZmSw9g by rob@social.afront.org
2025-04-04T04:07:44Z
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@Computer To: JNE Sector, IR, R, and O clearancesFrom: CPURe: ClarificationsQ: But in Alpha Complex doesn't Friend Computer give us everything we need?A: Yes.Q: So why do we need money?A: You don't. IntSec does. This is why in JNE Sector Alpha+ is Mandatory Fun and set at 100% of your income.Q: What's 'income'?A: You're not cleared for it and IntSec needs it. That's all you need to know.Q: What's money?A: Eddie Money was a twentieth century musical artist who could be traded to acquire a variety of goods and services, like two tickets to paradise.Q: How is Alpha Complex not a Communist society when Friend Computer provides all our needs and nobody has two tickets to paradise?A: In Communist societies the State gives to each according to their needs and takes according to their abilities. In Alpha Compex Friend Computer gives according to benevolent rules you are not cleared to know and permits IntSec to take as much as they want. The two systems could not be more different.Q: No, they're—A: INTSEC, ATTAX THIS CITIZEN IMMEDIATELY UNTIL THEY EITHER RUN OUT OF KIDNEYS OR TICKETS TO PARADISE.