Posts by nina@lsbt.me
(DIR) Post #Aa0N41MAH0ZWDXButs by nina@lsbt.me
2023-09-21T02:40:38Z
4 likes, 0 repeats
@faithisleaping I have gotten so used to being gendered correctly that I barely notice sometimes. But other times someone paying for their petrol, telling the cashier: "My car is the one behind that ladies car.", and I get a stupidly wide grin as I'm walking to my car.It feels so good, for ppl just casually referring to me as a woman.
(DIR) Post #Aa0Sb2YvJKFzHfitt2 by nina@lsbt.me
2023-09-14T16:07:59Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
Hallo, wir sind das NaK-System.Wir sind ein plurales System (OSDD-1b), bestehend aus 6 Personen, die sich einen 41 Jahre alten körper teilen.*Nina (de: sie/ihr; en: they/them):* Ich handle, zusammen mit Alex, den Alltag. Oft wissen wir nichtmal wer von uns gerade frontet, weil wir uns in vielem sehr ähneln. Ich bin gefühlt mitte 20, kann mich aber an die 80s erinnern. Ich bin eine Frau. Ich bilde mit Alex zusammen ein kleines Subsystem.*Alex (de: dey/dem o. sie/ihr; en: they/them):* Moin, das ich oft mit Nina vorne bin sagte sie ja schon. Ich fühle mich etwas älter als Nina, grob anfang 30. Ich bin Agender, und da wir uns immer mal abwechseln hat am Anfang der Transition für viel Verwirrung gesorgt, ja, die Verweilichung des Körpers ist schon schön, aber ich war bei weitem nicht so euphorisch darüber wie Nina.*Ash (de: dey/dem oder auch (noch) er/ihm; en: they/them):* Ash ist ungerne vorne, und ist unser Beschützer, dey fühlt sich grob zwischen Anfang und Mitte 30 an, und ist nichtbinär und von uns allen am maskulinsten. Dey hat als einziger die Erinnerungen an die 2½ Jahre Gymnasium, welche mit die traumatischte Zeit in unserem Leben war. Wenn dey vorne ist, und sich nicht ausreichend beschäftigen kann, gehen deren Gedanken zu dieser Zeit, und dey wird depressiv, was das gesamte System in die Depression runter zieht. Aber wenn alles zu viel wird, und wir anderen weg dissoziiert sind, übernehmen dey, und bringen uns in Sicherheit. Wenn dey vorne ist, kann es passieren das wir zum Teil Anmesie haben, wir wissen was passiert ist, wo wir sind, wie wir hingekommen sind, und so, aber nur weil er uns mehr oder weniger intern ein Memo schreibt. Manchmal sind Erinnerungsfragmente dabei, manchmal nicht.*Tanja (de: sie/ihr; en: she/her):* Tanja ist eines unserer internen Kinder, sie ist grob zwischen 5 und 8 Jahren alt, und ihre Geschlechtsidentität ist: "Ich bin ein Mädchen, sonst nix!!!" Sie ist eher selten vorne, und nie alleine, wir müssen dabei bleiben, sonst traut sie sich nicht, wenn, dann will sie jedoch oft kuscheln, oder spielt Streiche. Sie bildet mit Tina zusammen ein Subsystem.*Tina (de: sie/ihr; en: she/her):* Auch Tina ist ein internes Kind, sie ist etwas unter 1 Jahr alt, und spricht nicht. Sie versteht uns, und antwortet nur in Emotionen. Sie kommt in letzter Zeit öfter nach vorne, und es ist oft anstrengend mit den Emotionen von einem Kleinkind auf Dinge zu reagieren, aber es hilft auch dabei ihren Bedürfnissen besser gerecht werden zu können.*Eric (de: dey/dem; en: they/them):* Von Eric wissen wir noch am wenigsten, dey ist in einem Subsystem mit Ash, ist grob 12-14 Jahre alt, und interagiert wenig mit uns, wenn wir wichtige Dinge intern besprechen, kommt von denen nur eine Zustimmung eines der besprochenen Dinge, sonst nichts. Wir vermuten das auch dey viel Trauma mitbekommen hat.*Von der drei Subsystemen sind Nina und Alex am nächsten an Tina und Tanja, und beide deutlich weiter von Ash und Eric entfernt.
(DIR) Post #Aa0Sv41BbjFFahUUjY by nina@lsbt.me
2023-09-21T22:58:31Z
7 likes, 4 repeats
@mikuphile @faithisleaping You think that impresses me?I am, and always have been a woman, and there is nothing you can do or say that will change that.We are just a part of the natural and beautiful human diversity, if you can't stomach people being happy, finally awakening from a nightmare of a life, to embrace who they are, and feel the joy of being seen, I kindly ask you to fuck off.Yes I'm gay, but that's because I'm a woman, loving two other women.Also, I am part of the 41%, have been for over 20 years. If this confuses you, try understanding what you're saying, and not just repeating stuff you don't understand.The 41% is the percentage of trans people who have attempted suicide before they started to transition. I was acutely suicidal for a couple of years in my late teens to early 20s, and nearly killed myself when I was 21. So yes, I am part of the 41% who tried to kill themselves before finally transitioning.There is nothing you can say, to make me hate myself, because I am very familiar with self hate, but transition helped a lot. I've lived through decades of repeated trauma, and there is nothing you can do to me, that others haven't done before. I've lived through so much shit, you can litterally not even imagine a fraction of what I survived.Transition has made me much stronger that you'll ever be. Hating people who have done nothing to you, and who just want to live their life? Do you realize how pathetic you are?I wish you to receive all the misery you're trying to deal out, but I also wish that you'll one day come to the realization of how bigoted and small minded you have been.Find a hobby that doesn't involve trying to put other people down. But you've tried bashing the wrong trans person, because I'm proud of what I survived to finally be me. I am finally happy, after decades of misery, and a pathetic little hater like you doesn't even have a sliver of a chance to take that away from me.So kindly go fuck yourself, and stop attacking my brothers, sisters and enby siblings.
(DIR) Post #Aa0TsNE5prNWFWoDqa by nina@lsbt.me
2023-09-21T23:10:43Z
5 likes, 2 repeats
@locagainstwall @faithisleaping Do you know how pathetic you and your attempt to put me down are?You think I'll feel bad because some miseralbe little aresehole, who needs to put others down to feel strong, calls me a dude? You make me laugh. How pathetic can someone be? Does trans people being happy scare you? Ever think why? Why you hate and are afraid of people who are just different? But if you think I'm impressed, you are so sorely mistaken. I pity you for how short sighted your worldview is.I'm no little shy and unsure trans girl. I am a 41y old trans woman, and nothing you say, or think, or do, that will ever change that I've always been a woman. Deal with it.So kindly just fuck off.
(DIR) Post #Aa0UyKtDXIZ4h5S3MG by nina@lsbt.me
2023-09-21T23:23:36Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
@locagainstwall Komisch ich war zweimal freiwillig in der Psychiatrie, die meinten auch das ich 'anders' bin, aber haben sich auch gewundert wie stark ich bin. Haben aber bis auf der PTBS nichts neues entdeckt.Nein, mit mir stimmt das erste mal seit Jahrzehnten endlich fast alles. Aber so ein armseehliges Würmchen wie du, das andere runter machen muss um sich stark zu fühlen, ist schon zu bemitleiden. Denkst du ich fühle mich schlecht weil du so armseelig bist so eine gequirlte Scheiße zu schreiben? Nein, ich lache dich aus. Lange nimht mehr so armseligen Mist gelesen.Der Bullshit kommt nur von dir.Das einzig wiederliche ist dein Hass.Such dir ein besseres Hobby.Such dir nen Therapeuten, und rede mit ihm darüber warum du meinst Menschen die anders sind als du zu diskriminieren und zu beschimpfen.
(DIR) Post #Aa0VowNRP5N019fjhw by nina@lsbt.me
2023-09-21T23:32:59Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
@bighat @faithisleaping How pathetic can you be?You're trying to make me laugh?Get a real hobby and a life.Grow up and accept that some people are just different than you, and that's OK.Kindly fuck off.
(DIR) Post #Aa0WBRr730zO19Hd8C by nina@lsbt.me
2023-09-21T23:38:08Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
@SNEK @faithisleaping I'm so sorry you're filled with hate.Grow up, and stop trying (and failing) to put down people who are more resilient that you can ever hope to be.If you're an example of normal, than no thanks.Your hate is just pathetic.You make me laugh at how fucking pathetic and utterly childish you are. How old are you? Twelve?
(DIR) Post #Aa0YnLaB1FqVTSYqMC by nina@lsbt.me
2023-09-21T23:56:17Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
@faithisleaping It is odd how with a bit of perspective, these people are just a bad joke to me now. They may pull others down, but after 4y of getting random hate, I just laugh at how little they know, and how weak their attempts to make me feel bad are.Let them see they cannot accomplish that, because compared to what I lived through thair attempts just make me laugh at how utterly childish they are.The first few got an answer that tells them just how pathetic they are, the rest just get blocked.
(DIR) Post #Aa0aIGbnf5EIymczDM by nina@lsbt.me
2023-09-21T23:52:09Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@faithisleaping I know, but I'm in a good mood, and telling them just how fucking pathetic they are can be quite cathardic.
(DIR) Post #Aa0aIP0YQvmh1sGruS by nina@lsbt.me
2023-09-22T00:21:02Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
@faithisleaping it's finished already?LOL.As I said, pathetic.
(DIR) Post #Aa0flIJqseaaS9tSXw by nina@lsbt.me
2023-09-20T04:18:52Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@portugeek Hey, I started 4y ago in late 2019.The advantage of not really having much of a life, because you've just realized that you're doomed to spiral into a black hole, is that transition clearly becomes the only possible way to keep living.You're scared of losing people? I lost my parents, arguably pre-transition, to conspiracy theories. I lost my wife, who is, unfortunately, purely heterosexual.Still, transition was incredibly worth it.I'm finally me. It's still a bit shocking to realize you've wasted about a quarter century worth of life, simply because society wasn't ready for a plural, AutDHD, non-binary trans woman.
(DIR) Post #Aa0flOrOYqzAjvdKfA by nina@lsbt.me
2023-09-21T22:35:32Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
@portugeek one thing I noticed, my transition was incredibly difficult for my wife as well. She always supported me, but she later told me how much of a shock it was to realize, that the life we've planned together didn't have a future.I know she really did love me, because she accepted that it's the only way I'll be able to be happy. I can't think of a greater proof of her love, than letting me go, when she realized that I'd never be happy as her husband, was the only real option.I even gave her a Veto early on, telling her to tell me to stop, if I went too fast for her. When I asked her why she didn't even ask me to slow things down, she told me: "I saw how much better you felt with each step you took. Even though you were going too fast for me, I loved you too much, to do that to you."She realized she could have a good friend for the rest of her life, or a miserable husband for another few years. I will always be thankful for letting me transition, pushing me where I needed to be pushed, and supporting me. She was the first person who just accepted me as a woman, and standing up to people who found that odd.She's the best friend I could have ever asked for. Considering how little luck I had with friends for the first 20y of my life, I'm happy to have her as a friend.
(DIR) Post #Aa1dun1m4TM1Y8nWV6 by nina@lsbt.me
2023-09-21T21:52:07Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@faithisleapingInternally we don't use language, but communicate with pure thought structures that have pointers to concepts.For us it feels like the part that speaks is a background process that converts certain types of those thought structures into spoken or written laguage.We play a lot more with peoples perceptions than with language itself. We love giving answers people never expected.Once, while in the psych ward (voluntarily), I asked to see the results of the drug test they did when I arrived. So this nurse finds it in my file, and sees it's positive, points at the result a stronly positive finding, asking accusingly:"What is this?""Says so right next to the number, it's the result for Amphetamines." I told her, and that clearly wasn't what she expected. She then asked me:"So where did you get those Amphetamines from then?"I just started grinning telling her:"This past week, from the nurse here, on the late shift."She definitely did not expect that, but I showed her the Amphetamines in my list of meds I take, and then says:"Oh, that's why those are in the safe."I love those kinds of situations, where people ask weird questions that aren't really meant as purely just the question. Even when I know what's implied, I love ignoring that, and just answering the question asked. It can really confuse people if you ignore any subtext and just answer the questions they ask.
(DIR) Post #Aa27PCtZMEVX8QofIm by nina@lsbt.me
2023-09-21T22:23:36Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
@portugeek I'm happy that I don't have to tell you that dysphoria only gets worse over time.Oh, my life was comfortable all right, good job that I liked, working in IT, a wife to come home to, four cats (we never wanted kids, we both went through too much shit to want to force this world on a child).It it wasn't for that constant nagging feeling that something is fundamentally wrong, that I had suppressed for years, it would have been nice. But dysphoria came in waves, and over the years (we've been together for 15 years) it just got worse each time. New hoobbies managed to temporarily keep it at bay, but it came back worse each time.Finally I realized that I could likely keep going for a few more years at most, before the depression would be as bad as it was in my late teens and early twentys, when I was acutely suicidal.It's when I realized that I've got nothing, and everything to loose, and that I could at least try to transition. I didn't have much hope back then, but I was desperate, so jumping into the unknown, hoping it would finally help, was what I did.I never imagined the world had so many colors, so many scents. I never imagined that I would be free from depression for the first time in a quarter century. I never imagined how alive I would feel. I never imagined that I could be this confident. I never imagined that I could finally confront my past, and finally process a truely shocking amount of trauma. I never imagined that as a woman I could actually be strong, instead of faking strength playing a man. I never imagined that just at my age I could grow a truely marvelous pair of boobs, and just how right they'd feel. I never imagined I could becume as confident as I've become, calling out doctors talking bullshit within their field, or ordering my genome sequenced, so I can analyze the data, to prove to stubborn doctors that I know what I'm talking about, and know enough to do their job, if they refuse to do it. I never imagined just how huge a difference it can make when your body finally runs on the right hormones.I had hoped to managed what I had managed before, pushing the dysphoria away for a while, instead things stopped feeling wrong, but started feeling right.Looking back at the trauma in my past, always doing what was expected, never knowing what I wanted, because the only thing I really wanted was to not have to be somebody that never felt like me, but finally find out who I am, instead of listening to people telling me who I'm supposed to be.But now here I am, feeling about 15-20y younger than my body is, because I've not really lived since my pre-teens. Even though the gatekeeping pushed me into burnout, these four years have been happier than I've ever been in several decades. I can finally be me, and I'm not letting anyone put me into any box that I don't find comfortable in ever again. Even then, they'll have to accept that bits of me may not fit neatly into the box they chose to put me in, and that's their problem, either they accept it, or I'll just throw their box into their face.