Posts by drunkenmadman@aus.social
(DIR) Post #Au0V3DGISCtS6buH5s by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-05-09T13:56:04Z
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Did a fuckton of emotional labour on behalf of our weird little V/triad this evening, so I am now at home listening to “The Photographer” by Philip Glass and explaining to Ashley about the history of “Fools Gold” by The Stone Roses. You know, like a totally neurotypical absolutely not fucking autistic person would do. https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_kVPeI0IcSC_GlMabj4h3ojYwl4GkmwvdU&si=ZgJPYpZtiv5xZFQchttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fools_Gold_(song)?wprov=sfti1#
(DIR) Post #Au0V3EOUFF2TcIkKUy by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-05-09T14:00:01Z
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Everyone: Polyamory? Wow that seems like a whole load of fucking and absolutely no downsidePoly folk: [fires up the 400GB group spreadsheet, prepares to mail merge it into a group email with attached calendar invite to mention that someone just noticed that monogamy is not the only option]
(DIR) Post #Au0V3F5NflLllKoaMC by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-05-10T03:54:17Z
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For further context, I have been threatening for some time to shatter this #poly thruple/triad thing we’ve had going on since January. Yesterday I pulled the pin on the grenade, shouted “fire in the hole” and detonated the whole bunker. It was the only thing I had left to hand, so I asked my fiancee how long it would take her to move out, because that was what I wanted. The considered, open, informed and consensual parts of the relationship had started to break, everyone was jumping to conclusions, getting angry, taking steps without forethought and generally fucking shit royally up. Things were happening for spite, doors were being slammed, mums were being summoned and nobody was happy.Most of all, everyone had got so anxious and hypervigilant that even innocuous jokes to break the tension were being seen as vicious personal attacks.So last night after much negotiation through the day, the three of us went to neutral but familar ground and thrashed things out. And because I am a professional software team guy and, above all else, autistic as hell when under stress, I ran it very much like I would a Post-Incident Review after a major outage. I recommend this approach, should you ever need it. Recognise the issues, identify the mistakes, assign NO personal blame, take no retributive action, keep focus on desired outcomes, give everyone space for input, consider all viewpoints on their merits and leave with concrete actions to prevent future incidents, while scheduling follow-ups to ensure the remedial actions have been executed and are working as intended.
(DIR) Post #Au0V3G1WBbr2fe10yW by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-05-10T03:54:54Z
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#polyOur first followup is in just under one week. We have a soft launch happening now to let everyone calm the fuck down, get used to the new world order and consider further steps. Small mistakes this week will lead to no major consequences beyond small, collaborative changes to the protocols, which include: - Proper shared calendar, with considerations around privacy and flexibility. I have suggested titling it “Triple Advisor”- Group chat notifications muted, especially our NSFW channel. Only check channels when it is appropriate to do so- Inter-party messaging defaults to no-notifications channels, so that party A is not intruding on quality time between B&C and vice versa. - Being careful with the words “we” and “us” because they could mean the nesting couple, the outer couple or all three depending on context and ambiguity. There has been conflict and misunderstanding on this issue before.- Plenty of notice for schedule changes (super important for idiot autistic boy over here, because he cannot cope at all with schedule changes)- Always try to assume positive intent, especially when something is ambiguous (a joke is not always a dagger between the ribs, folks)- Everyone has the right to opt-out of a situation without being judged for it- Longer blocks of personal and couple time for everyone- lots of flexibility and space for when there is a lack of spoons, not only for the “officially disabled” one but for everyone. Nobody is obliged to do anything when they are strung out and close to limits except rest and look after themselves. And if one *is* in that situation, it doesn’t just default to “other couple” time. The spoon-deficient person must be given space, consideration and safety.- robust protection around shared resources, like car, home, master bedroom, en-suite and so on, so that personal space, privacy and safety remain pristine. I am personally providing Uber credit for times when using the car will be contentious, for example- robust, protected ability to break any and all comms rules in an actual emergency, and a way to quickly provide support (for which I will be provisioning an “emergency fund” debit card account)Big mistakes in this coming week - especially repeat mistakes of the kind we have already highlighted - might well lead to firings, and everyone on the team has been made aware of that. We would all rather that didn’t happen if possible but a nuclear option and escape route has to be considered. I am now accepting expressions of interest to act as your polycule’s Agile Coach. Rates available on request.
(DIR) Post #Au0V3Gqv6UyHF4445w by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-05-12T01:04:50Z
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quick followup, I am pleased to report a very positive first few days for the New World Order.- The muted chat channels give a nice way to keep in touch through the day without interrupting. - The weekend was a superb, zero conflict block of quality time for me and Ashley, and she was still able to use breaks and downtime to chat with T, without causing strife between us.- The new calendar is working. Though I did have to remind that my phone screen *might* be visible ocasionally in professional situations, therefore events should be named accordingly.- A & T are having a block of quality time at my place today, so it was good to have space to discuss some boundaries yesterday - without breaching privacy. Example: "my studio is my safe space, please don't hang out in there for now", things like that. I literally do not care what they want to do today, I just don't want to find out something triggering later, because that would be a landmine.Overall, I'm optimistic about everything but remain cautious and very conscious that we will run into surprises over the next while.Also, the latest episiode of Boonta Vista was brilliantly scathing about #poly nonsense on my commute this morning. Good to stay grounded I think.
(DIR) Post #Au4UW71zNNUhrDGpma by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-05-13T23:56:19Z
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Today has started out as one of those days where one catches one's little finger in the tea bag string while putting down one's mug, thus spilling hot Twinings all over one's giant mouse mat/desk protector.Yet I remain optimistic.
(DIR) Post #Aur5V2W6IlIcC1QjKq by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-06-06T05:51:40Z
5 likes, 2 repeats
(DIR) Post #AuuSQ1RNkvZvpMgBcm by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-06-08T02:45:23Z
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Tell you what, realising you probably have ASD - or more specifically #AuDHD - is a whole fucking thing. Huge rush of past trauma that’s suddenly explainable. A profound change in worldview. A huge exhalation of a breath you’ve been holding in for years.And quite a big impact on the people around you as you unmask, it turns out.
(DIR) Post #AuuSQ2dpI97vYFVdey by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-06-08T03:58:20Z
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Also, be prepared for people constantly trying to pin alternative diagnoses on you as you unmask. The overwhelming cultural picture of ASD is so oriented around non-verbal kids and comedy stereotype adults that neurotyps instinctively reject ASD and decide you’ve actually got BPD or bipolar or any number of alternatives, despite having no fucking right or basis to do so.Yeah sure Karen, I’ve been behaving a bit differently lately. That doesn’t mean you get to pop-psych me into your preferred box. #AuDHD
(DIR) Post #AuuSQ3kFBlr2yRWHIm by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-06-08T04:30:50Z
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I might actually have to go fork out the several thousand buckos for a proper #AuDHD diagnosis, just to wave it in people’s faces when they say “but you don’t seem like you’re autistic”. All I have at present is the agreement of two GPs, the definite “yes for fuck’s sake” of the majority of my closest social circle and fifty years of lived experience. So I suppose what do I know? (Am I coming across as annoyed?)
(DIR) Post #AuuSQEMtguiPvDgHwG by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-06-08T04:38:35Z
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All I really know is that I feel more authentically *myself* than… ever? I’ve had semi-regular crises of identity my entire life, and several of them are tattooed on my arm. This particular paradigm shift really feels different.#AuDHD
(DIR) Post #AvBEXXRCUPPFEwKLD6 by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-06-16T03:32:14Z
1 likes, 2 repeats
Honestly I think I’ve found the most hilariously effective #ADHD anxiety fix ever. When I find my brain starting a worry spiral, I take the topic that’s causing it, and write it on a dedicated to-do list. The ADHD then takes care of that by never, ever thinking about it again.
(DIR) Post #AvBEXi8SiPxAQ0e21w by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-06-16T04:18:04Z
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If I ever fix my chronic inability to address to-do lists, I am in SERIOUS trouble.
(DIR) Post #AxtdxuPdQLWuVedWwC by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-09-05T11:35:03Z
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Dumb jokes with #3dprinting : A stool sample
(DIR) Post #B0Smm6cjoquU4HD7Y0 by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-11-20T11:04:38Z
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Capitalism
(DIR) Post #B0dAjNkrIdMotyiiUC by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-11-26T05:49:54Z
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WTF is this shit? I don’t want this and I don’t need this and it can fuck off
(DIR) Post #B0mERwsi6pQis7yUqW by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-11-27T12:47:40Z
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Not so many years ago, computer users - like us - needed faster processors and more RAM because we literally couldn’t run what *we* needed in what we had. These days it feels like computer users need more power and more storage because *developers* want it. Browsers use gigabytes of RAM not because they’re giving users a better experience. They need it because corporate shitheads want to load a hundred third-party trackers in any given website. Apps need 32GB of ram not because rendering a spreadsheet is hard, but because a pack of shithead developers poked with pitchforks by a bunch of shithead executives WANT TO STEAL YOUR ATTENTION AND YOUR DATA. I think you understand my point here…
(DIR) Post #B0mES4LgLVlQ20aETY by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-11-27T12:51:22Z
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Honestly this shit sucks. Employers will ask you to do a technical interview where you’ll write a super-efficient algorithm whereby you’ll demonstrate your chops in efficient code… and then they’ll demand you embed three hundred “partner” services in your app because “business value”.
(DIR) Post #B0mESC9DLkXoDeoO9Y by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-11-27T12:53:10Z
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Marx was correct. The other Marx was too, but mostly the main one.
(DIR) Post #B1p5hYy8mQc7Uv2G5A by drunkenmadman@aus.social
2025-12-31T23:26:48Z
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Worth a couple of hours of your time I think https://youtu.be/V-7Spf1cLpU?si=uKjfgr0UaeyPRsvH