Posts by Bea@spinster.xyz
(DIR) Post #9wqSOHWZ8ffnu7FeqG by Bea@spinster.xyz
2020-07-07T14:17:26Z
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I went to a women’s college in the late 80s. It was two of the best years of my life (now it’s a 4-year school) and the women I met there are sisters for life. @Starlit_Fire
(DIR) Post #9xHvUq4jjcACjrdE9Y by Bea@spinster.xyz
2020-07-20T20:18:28Z
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I’m a little late to this discussion but wanted to add that likely lots of judges are also consumers of porn, rapists etc. (All the way up to the Supreme Court in the US.) Think what that means for all the women who appear before them in the courtroom. I know this was touched upon but wanted to call attention specifically to judges. I don’t even call it a justice system anymore. It’s a legal system. @SheChanges @AllineCormier @Rogue_Koala @Val_Kyrie @HebrideanHecate
(DIR) Post #9xUcYZ270unIsbGz44 by Bea@spinster.xyz
2020-07-26T23:02:20Z
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I’ve ordered so many books thanks to you all! 📚
(DIR) Post #9yaSSXhyVcZkUiy6BU by Bea@spinster.xyz
2020-08-01T15:36:01.608Z
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MRAs have successfully convinced the courts that parenting time should be 50/50 and children should live near their fathers, at least in my state. I think these are fairly new developments, within the last 5-10 years. It’s a full nightmare. My son and I are forced to live in an urban environment that’s not really good for either of us. (We both have asthma.) There is a very expensive suburb within my 10-mile radius (my lawyer fight for a 10- rather than 5-mile radius so that suburb would be an option)... but the thought of moving there is a joke... it’s for the very wealthy. So I guess my next task after the divorce is finalized is to get rich? @SuccessfulAppeal
(DIR) Post #A71YF3kCwYWoiVFj3Q by Bea@spinster.xyz
2021-05-08T01:24:51.656382Z
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I haven’t been here for awhile but I was wondering if anyone watched Allen v. Farrow? I’m living with the results of Woody Allen’s misogynistic “scorned woman defense” having taken off like wildfire (even though it didn’t work for him in court, his narrative prevailed in the public). My abusive ex used the same legal tactics as Woody Allen and now I’m bound to him in a “pseudo-marriage from hell” as someone put it (50/50 custody). My child and I are far from alone in being in this situation - in fact, it’s the norm. I’m wondering if there’s any overlap between the community here and the protective mothers movement. We could use the help!
(DIR) Post #A90Ml6BHSI6CUK4iGG by Bea@spinster.xyz
2021-07-06T03:31:48.858006Z
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@Jennifer_Lee in the beginning my ex presented himself as someone who shared equally in chores and then down the road it turned out to be a huge lie (along with so many other things). I was a feminist when we met and I grilled him about chores, porn, all sorts of things. He lied about it all.
(DIR) Post #A9EPRoygDDf9hs7TKi by Bea@spinster.xyz
2021-07-13T02:00:31.101377Z
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@sansa the violence is a tool of control and domination for them, used to exploit women for domestic and sexual labor.
(DIR) Post #A9ZGm3ZDQdQTaggzWy by Bea@spinster.xyz
2021-07-23T03:12:40.188961Z
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@sansa thinking about the legal system and how women are blamed for everything that happens to us, and how disbelieving women is baked into the culture as a shield for male violence and yes pornography/prostitution and… and… and…
(DIR) Post #A9eq1bTpogE59z9fiC by Bea@spinster.xyz
2021-07-25T19:49:06.795805Z
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@Ladyfat I’ve (and the school has) struggled with this with my son in the past, the result of trauma/DV. Dr. Ross Greene’s book, “The Explosive Child,” is helpful for these children. Someone on my son’s team at school attended a class by Dr. Greene and was receptive when I brought up his work in a meeting. From there things really improved for my son. It was worst just after his father and I separated, and his father was manipulating him to beg to live with him, etc. He came back one time and started swinging 2x4s at me - terrifying and he almost went into psychiatric care for that one. I mentioned going to the hospital and it seemed to scare him straight (he was just posturing but it was still quite alarming). Dropped the boards and never did it again. He was seven then and at age ten has mellowed out a lot. Some attitude sometimes but no more trashing his room, etc. (At school he threw chairs and was a real terror at times.) I’m trying to raise him to respect women but it’s a battle because his father doesn’t. (And the culture doesn’t.) The anti-porn book “Good Pictures, Bad Pictures” has helped.
(DIR) Post #AAMfeYQVuMvwXr6I2y by Bea@spinster.xyz
2021-08-15T21:40:36.474160Z
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@mk I ordered Dworkin’s “Pornography: Men Possessing Women” recently and the order was just…. cancelled 🤨
(DIR) Post #ABu4KlFbnskH8mKS3s by Bea@spinster.xyz
2021-09-30T23:50:52.501998Z
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@sunspot I know Solaris as a film I saw as a student… which was a long time ago so I don’t remember much. I may revisit
(DIR) Post #ADYyY1w9ixdhgkTkDg by Bea@spinster.xyz
2021-11-19T15:16:44.566717Z
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@ArtistBristol This turned out to be really triggering for me. I got 6.5 min in and this is all useful info bc this is my ex’s endgame for me, 100%. Since I left him he’s been trying to maneuver me into homelessness. It’s always in the back of my mind. This is why I secretly saved up for a lawyer for two years instead of impulsively leaving like the heroine of Maid (I’m also much older than her). I think I stopped watching when she began talking about the police tagging people as “mental illness” (therefore basically garbage in their eyes from what she describes). So often what society tags as mental illness is normal response to trauma. Women are blamed and punished for male violence, every time. She is very articulate and I’ll try to watch the rest sometime. Society is so disappointing
(DIR) Post #ADZ2gCApwoBnZRUj4q by Bea@spinster.xyz
2021-11-19T16:18:56.772293Z
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@ArtistBristol I don’t know if I can watch any more now as I’m actively dealing with trauma response from my long running legal battle with my ex (we’re finalizing our divorce) - court dates & adjournments each of the last 3 months & I’m realizing anytime I hear from my lawyer I’m getting taken out with PTSD and it’s to the point where I need to schedule PTSD into my calendar (we don’t know when the next court date is so the uncertainty is fun too, now that I’ve decided to at least plan for it). Lawyers are bullies and the whole court thing is a nightmare, which is of course the point, for him. I’m learning that for me trauma response is like a cold in that symptoms come on and you just have to wait it out. (I’m starting to talk to ppl in my life about it bc I’m getting mad again and they say “do you have a therapist” my response is currently I can’t afford her. Longer response is her treatment is for when the injury is in the past, not ongoing. Also talk therapy doesn’t help acute brain injury symptoms - what I’d like is for this predictable injury not to occur. I.e. I and all the others need the system to change.) I get frustrated because it’s debilitating and at the same time I’m being pressured to support myself. I’ve told my lawyer umpteen times - get this guy out of my hair and I won’t have a problem supporting myself. (I hope anyway, but it’s a real struggle with him in the picture and that’s what he wants.)
(DIR) Post #ADZjF91npb8I1acHx2 by Bea@spinster.xyz
2021-11-20T00:19:07.837176Z
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@sunspot @Kay @AbolishPregnancy @FemaleIsNotAFeeling our prisons are full of women who killed their abusers in self defense. It seems like self defense is only a thing for men.
(DIR) Post #ADZlLCfzNdAgz8QjVw by Bea@spinster.xyz
2021-11-20T00:37:37.959651Z
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@sunspot @AbolishPregnancy @FemaleIsNotAFeeling @Kay I see what you’re saying but abusers are a constant immediate threat to their victims’ lives. See Gabby Petito et. al. Abusers are empowered by the same system that empowered this kid to gun people down. We can look forward to more vigilante violence now. And please no lectures because it’s crazy where I live too…. some ahole discharged a rifle next to my son’s class on a field trip yesterday, on the street and the last thing I’d want to add to the situation is teenagers with military grade weapons. We’ll just have to agree to disagree on that one.
(DIR) Post #AJ1c3tuY72DchuxCEa by Bea@spinster.xyz
2022-05-02T00:22:44.430919Z
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@TheWitchBitch I LOVE strawberry rhubarb pie. My grandma used to make it. I gotta get to the farmer’s market, I think it’s in season!
(DIR) Post #AJRgG5NeLTf9NAT7x2 by Bea@spinster.xyz
2022-05-14T13:34:16.732042Z
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@AnungIkwe I miss my sweet black cat 🐈⬛ RIP
(DIR) Post #AMNyMmmGvJFVtBMOTw by Bea@spinster.xyz
2022-08-10T01:41:24.872491Z
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@sunspot @nenetl Hmm, I have one of those pin cushions and a bunch of thimbles. I’m halfway there!
(DIR) Post #APe423peS9JSWlsLSa by Bea@spinster.xyz
2022-11-15T23:19:53.077043Z
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@ghostprototype There’s no protection from dv. It’s actively encouraged by the courts; women are punished for escaping.
(DIR) Post #AQEWdghWetwt7hBxFw by Bea@spinster.xyz
2022-12-03T14:30:44.137720Z
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@ghostprototype Yeah I mean I’m court ordered to live within a 12-mile radius of my abuser in an obscenely expensive city because we share a child, court gave him 50/50 custody because he used the tried and true “parental alienation” gambit to put me on the defense, the whole case I’ve felt like a criminal dragged before a judge for the crime of theft of ex’s property - myself and my labor. He continues to control my life and I don’t have autonomy. Forgive me if I’m not seeing the progress on the DV front.