Posts by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
(DIR) Post #AVKjucFOoCHonFnKUa by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-05-05T03:30:25Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
Bob Ross was the first successful alchemist: with a brush stroke and a few words, he turned mistakes into trees.
(DIR) Post #AVN79O6OMws0WoVwjA by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-05-05T23:29:51Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
Why yes, I do have a pre-workout routine. I drink tea and think about when I should go and realize tomorrow would be better.
(DIR) Post #AViSKBlbEbqFNaECXY by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-05-16T01:35:14Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
No one:Me: Business squirrels Everyone: *massive applause*
(DIR) Post #AVuaXhHmMoZCg0CDSa by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-05-22T04:30:09Z
1 likes, 1 repeats
Manager: What's with the pentagram, candles, manuals, and cellphones?Me: Summoning IT. *Cloud of smoke and loud boom*IT: What?!
(DIR) Post #AW4zcsxMqLm6ktooZU by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-05-27T06:15:19Z
0 likes, 0 repeats
Being a college radio DJ in the 80s meant putting on Stairway to Heaven or Telegraph Road so you could pee. Sometimes smoke.
(DIR) Post #AWCTb3ut0WkfmpKsM4 by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-05-30T22:50:37Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
Doctor: You need a sleep routine.Me: I told you I have one.Doctor: Doomscrolling and posting til 4am is not a routine.Me: It is if you do it every night.
(DIR) Post #AWF92Gxz54oCW2nYG0 by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-06-01T03:25:41Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
I don't always misunderstand or miss a social cue and respond inappropriately but when I do, I do it at the wrong time, and think about it for days. So pretty much always.
(DIR) Post #AWSR01D31CbFITOjPk by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-06-07T04:20:27Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
[At store]Man: I'd never go out with you.Me: How shall I ever survive. *walks away*Man: Want to know why?Me: NoMan: I don't like redheads.Me: Sounds like a you problem and not a me problem.
(DIR) Post #AWYs8DLncoQ8ynNqHw by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-06-10T20:50:29Z
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Me: *texting* I'm sorry but I need to feel a connection.Autocorrect: I'm sorry but I need to feel a cinnabon.Me:Autocorrect:Me: *send*
(DIR) Post #AX1ECpnzO9xMT90GeW by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-06-24T07:39:01Z
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*evening news*Anchor: Tonight, we are joined by an expert who will sum up the situation. Welcome, Dr. Smith. So, what can you tell us?Dr. Smith: Thanks Bob. Basically, it's all gone fucky. Everything.
(DIR) Post #AXbOCtsbN8Yfzs9212 by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-07-12T00:32:01Z
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Narcissist: I am God!Nietzsche: I have some bad news for you.
(DIR) Post #AY5RhQzi10Jf3ap4We by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-07-26T04:45:08Z
0 likes, 1 repeats
The McDonald's in Jurassic Park replaced the broken ice cream machine but the t-rex they hired to work it can't reach the lever.
(DIR) Post #AYMJaoMAfPi4zmBOu8 by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-08-03T05:22:48Z
0 likes, 3 repeats
When Bob saw that chicken on his back, he realized he'd pissed off the tattoo artist.
(DIR) Post #AYUb20qmLsTwpi6N1s by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2022-12-08T19:07:12Z
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My son and I spent an hour debating whether werewolves have opposable thumbs in case you're wondering who the great modern philosophers are.
(DIR) Post #AYYZBxKWs7WrXFTERM by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-08-08T21:38:04Z
1 likes, 0 repeats
Freddy Krueger's side hustle is selling car warranties to people in their dreams.
(DIR) Post #AYkl0rzxswFdA1qpJg by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-08-15T05:22:25Z
2 likes, 1 repeats
Me: Would you bring me the mattress cover off your bed? Son: *looks puzzled* The what?Me: The mattress cover. The quilted looking sheet.Son:Me: The final boss sheet at the bottom.Son: Oh that.
(DIR) Post #AYlwQ5bcQdlAOflfU0 by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-07-11T17:10:16Z
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The carny in a coal mine will just keep telling you "It's safe, don't worry about it."
(DIR) Post #AYlxq5Y3Mgldha3rPM by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-08-16T01:16:06Z
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@fcktheworld587 Yeah, I don't have faith in their assurances.
(DIR) Post #AaoRTEoDNr73BN0wqm by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2023-10-15T04:42:08Z
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Bob was mortified. As his werewolf form faded he heard frantic screams and realized his now human nose was in the mailman's butt.
(DIR) Post #AdcOFor3uLcXtFfWd6 by Aikiwomannc@beige.party
2024-01-07T19:29:58Z
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He's a 10 and made a joke about Piltdown Man so now he's a 15.