Subj : The Triple Play (D)
To   : All
From : Daryl Stout
Date : Thu Apr 13 2023 00:04:06

The Triple Play:

The Ham Radio Wedding, The Honeymoon & More, & Ham For The Holidays

Written By Daryl Stout, WX1DER, Webmaster, Cabot Nightflyers Net
Updated Nov. 6, 2015

Please email me at wx1der@gmail.com with questions, comments, corrections,
etc.

This file is a combination of 3 presentations in one. 

The first one was "The Ham Radio Wedding", which united Ham and Radio in
Holy Telephony, which was done on Valentine's Day Weekend, 2012.

Nine months later (for obvious reasons), we had, from a trusted group of
Official Observers (hi hi), "The Honeymoon And More"...which detailed the
honeymoon, and the harmonics early years. The last one, planned for July,
2013, along the line of a "Christmas in July" theme, we have "Ham For The
Holidays". Based on the melody of "The 12 Days Of Christmas", it was
modified for "The 12 Days Of Hamming", detailing 12 items in the ham radio
hobby.

Unfortunately, due to equipment failure and other issues, the combination
"Triple Play" for theCabot Nightflyers Net, did not occur. With a lack of
recordings, plus changing of my callsign, the removal of a YouTube video
of a wedding at a ham radio club, and changes in the issuance of a paper
copy of ham radio licenses (among other things), the script has been
redone into one file.

If these are done on the air, you will need to give pauses to reset the
repeaters, Echolink Nodes, etc. - and I ask that yours truly, Daryl Stout,
WX1DER, be given credit for the material. I have made the file available
for all to download and use, to bring a little humor into ones day, as
there's so little to laugh at in the world today. You may wish to edit
the "personal comments" that I have made...and for the net name...but
keeping the comments may add a bit of "extra flavor" to the presentation.

This is especially true for those who are Volunteer Examiners, who have
had similar experiences at license exam sessions that I have noted in
"Ham ForThe Holidays".

Those who are not ham radio operators may not understand all the pun
humor; but those who are hams, will likely bust out laughing. So, before
doing these on the air, you might want to advise people to make a quick
restroom trip, not be eating or drinking, or pull off to the side of the
road.

Otherwise, they may have a mess on their hands...or worse, wreck their
vehicle.

Besides the 3 segments, there are 4 digital mode sound files...CW, PSK31,
RTTY, and Packet.

And, there are also short Third party traffic segments...all these as
part of "The Ham Radio Wedding". The Third Party Traffic is courtesy of
fellow computer bulletin board system operator, Tim Cornett...who is not
a licensed ham radio operator.

You may download these from the Cabot Nightflyers website at
http://www.thecabotnightflyers.net (note the NEW domain name).

Click on the Navigation tab "The Nightflyers Net", and scroll down to the
link with "The Triple Play" - MP3 sound files. You'll obviously need a
compatible MP3 player to hear them.

While ham radio is a hobby, some of us joke as if it is an obsession!! So,
with credit and glory to The Lord Jesus Christ for the inspiration; and
with extensive research in the "creative juices department", I've
determined what a "ham radio wedding"...plus a "ham radio honeymoon",
and "Ham ForThe Holidays" might be like. Please note that these are "fun
skits", done "tongue in cheek", as it were. The skits are NOT actual
weddings, honeymoons, or holiday events; although the "Ham For The
Holidays" segment comes close.

This is because in real life, a bona fide wedding requires an Ordained
Minister, Justice Of The Peace, etc. to officiate the ceremony...and,
the couple has to have a marriage license, among other things. I know
that myself, having been originally married in 2003, but I've been a
widower since 2007.

As an aside, when my bride to be and I went to get our marriage license,
the county clerk made a mistake, entering her birth year as 1658, instead
of 1958. I quipped "she sure looks good for 345 years of age", and she
added "Well, I do sell Avon"!!

Amidst the raucous laughter...the blushing, embarrassed clerk had to
tear up the license she was typing, and start over. People in the
Pulaski County Courthouse in downtown Little Rock, Arkansas, had to
enter the County Clerks office to ask "what is going on in there??",
for all the laughter!! (hi hi).

While there is a "ham radio license" noted in the skit, it's rather
bizarre to consider the context that someone would actually marry a
piece of electronic equipment!! Besides, think of all theissues
surrounding "consummation of the relationship"...and that will be
covered in "The Honeymoon And More" (hi hi).

As noted, the humor has quite a bit of ham radio puns, also known as
"a play on words"...and the beauty of the pun is in the groan of the
recipient!! An example of a pun is that "The idea of a ham radio traders
net might have gotten started when a pig was sold by a farmer to a
Country Pawn Shop, and the transaction became known as the first
Ham Hock". 

These skits were designed for a little levity, and a little bit of fun...
as there is so little in the world to laugh at nowadays. There are 
several in central Arkansas, including yours truly, who fondly remember
the "fertilizer nets", done by the late J.M. Jolly, W5ZXS (SK)...and I
think he would've done something like this on that net.

And now, the Cabot Nightflyers Net is proud to present tonight's training
presentations...starting with "The Ham Radio Wedding"...enjoy. 

The Ham Radio Wedding - Uniting Ham And Radio In Holy Telephony 

With "pun" in mind, we are privileged to welcome you to the marriage
ceremony of "ham" and "radio". After a short engagement...because
concerning Radio, Ham could not resistor...wanting to inductor into
being a part of his family, and start a new one. So, they've decided to
do more than just "shack up".

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today for this special net for the
joyous occasion to join ham and radio in Holy Telephony. Ham has just
passed his amateur radio license exams, so he will be Third Party Traffic,
as he waits on his callsign from the FCC.

The general format of this RF, or Real Fine, ceremony, will be
participatory in nature...and for the bride and groom, it is a big
deal...and the atmosphere is rather electric, to say the least.

If anyone here feels that ham and radio should not be united in Marriage
of HolyTelephony, let them key up now, or never pound their brass.

However, you likely will be subjected to the wrath of the Wouff Hong,
Rettysnitch, and Ugerumph by both families if you object (hi hi).

Does the father of the bride, KenWood, give his consent for this special
occasion??

[Sound of "YES, I do", 20 wpm CW] 

Do you ham, take radio, to be your lawfully wedded spouse?? To love,
honor, and cherish?? In DXCC and WAS?? In QRM and QRN?? With Rohn 25 and
G5RV?? With coaxial cable and various connectors?? With logbooks and
manuals?? With Solder and Testing Equipment??

Respecting The Wouff Hong, Rettysnitch, and Ugerumph, Your License, and
Privileges. Forsaking all others, as long as you both shall transmit and
receive, during your relationship, until Silent Key, do you part?? 

[Sound of male voice "QSL. I Certainly Do."(Tim Cornett)] 

Do you radio, take ham, to be your lawfully wedded spouse?? To love,
honor, and cherish?? In DXCC and WAS?? In QRM and QRN?? With Rohn 25 and
G5RV?? With coaxial cable and various connectors?? With logbooks and
manuals?? With Solder and Testing Equipment??

Respecting The Wouff Hong, Rettysnitch, and Ugerumph, Your License, and
Privileges. Forsaking all others, as long as you both shall transmit and
receive, during your relationship, until Silent Key, do you part?? 

[Sound of PSK31] 

In lieu of a prayer and Bible reading, I feel that The Amateur's Code,
written in 1928, by the late Paul M. Segal, W9EEA, is appropriate for
this ceremony. As such, I would expect that both of you, "ham" and
"radio", would follow these traits, as you both transmit and receive
throughout your relationship. You are to be: 

CONSIDERATE: Never knowingly operating in such a way as to lessen the
pleasure of others.

LOYAL: Offering loyalty, encouragement and support to other amateurs,
local clubs, and the American Radio Relay League, through which Amateur
Radio in the United States is represented nationally, and internationally. 

PROGRESSIVE: With knowledge abreast of science, a well built and efficient
station, and operation beyond reproach.

FRIENDLY: With slow and patient operation when requested, friendly advice
and counsel to the beginner, kindly assistance, co-operation and
consideration for the interests of others. These are the hallmarks of the
amateur spirit.

BALANCED: Radio is an avocation, never interfering with duties owed to
family, job, school, or community.

PATRIOTIC: With station and skill always ready for service to country and
community.

Please stand by while I get the special marriage connectors. 

With these specially prepared BNC, SMA, and PL259 connectors, along with
LED lights...each of you are to present them to each other, and either
say or transmit "With This Connector, I thee, LED".

These special combination connectors and LED's...light emitting diodes...
will show that you will light up with excitement each time you transmit
throughout your relationship.

[Sound of male voice "WithThis Connector, IThee, LED"]. (Tim Cornett) 

[Sound Of RTTY] 

In as much as you two have promised your devotion, and lifelong commitment
to each other; before Net Control, and all these witnesses on the net...by
the power that has been invested in me, by the Cabot Nightflyers Net, as
Net Control and Webmaster, I now pronounce you "ham" and "radio".

You may now kiss the mic.

[Sound of packet burst]

[MaleVoice "My bride just told me to packet. The honeymoon will be at
Dayton Hamvention in May...and we will have music of The Ham Band at the
reception."] (Tim Cornett)

At net time, few details were available on the reception, but we assume
it was excellent. As for the food that was served, we understand everyone
got a charge out of an electrically delicious salad concoction that was
prepared...known as Ohm Slaw. And, let's definitely not forget the
delightfully D-Layer rich dessert of P Times I Equals E.

We have no word on the wedding cake that was served...the removal of the
garter...the bridal bouquet...what everyone was wearing...how many guests
were in attendance, who got the garter and bouquet, etc.

However, we understand the wedding gifts consisted of several nice
electronic, and ornamental, items and accessories for the ham radio
shack, among other things...which were much appreciated by the bride and
groom.

The Honeymoon And More - Including The Early Years Of The Harmonics 

And now, by special arrangement, from (dare we say it??!!) a trusted group
of Official Observers, the Cabot Nightflyers Net is proud to present "The
Honeymoon And More".

The first night together, they said that their love for each other was more
solid than a soldered coaxial connector, and that it'd withstand the test
of time, more surely than gasfield hardline.

After all, they wanted to zero beat their frequencies, to only pull each
others signal out of the pileup, as when the band opened up, they would
be each others first and only contact. Their devotion to each other was
to be more powerful than all of their combined signals.

And, they wanted to be sure that they resonated together, as they planned
to be together, to not go on separate beam headings; with only being
silent keys, would they part.

After all, concerning Radio, Ham could not resistor...wanting to inductor
into being a part of his family, and start a new one. And, that's why they
decided to get married, and do more than just "shack up".

And so, in the honeymoon suite...after turning down the lights, and putting
on some soft JT-65 music, ham and radio assumed positions of horizontal and
vertical polarization, as they got to intimately know each other.

He would run his hands over the dials and knobs, caressing them, pushing
the buttons, turning the knobs, trying to find the contacts that felt so
good...to ensure that they did it with frequency...mainly because he wanted
to work up her sideband.

But, they took care not to spread out the wide assortment of wedding
gifts...especially the many Morse Code keyers...on where they would sleep,
because they didn't want to become infested with bed bugs. Otherwise, that
would be a real pain in the brass.

And, even though it would involve CW ContinuousWriting, they did want to
spend time filling out the numerous QSL Thank You Cards to all who
attended the wedding ceremony. They would then be sorted out on the DX
Bureau there in the Honeymoon Suite, right next to the Amateur Television
setup, where they planned to watch special ham radio videos and DVD's that
evening.

Another thing that attracted Ham to Radio, was the out of band receive
capabilities. This way, they could listen to non-ham radio communications,
when they wanted to just "relax", or when band conditions were lousy. It
turns out that both of them were ardent golfing fans. Radio had 18 holes
for her ventilation slots, and that made it possible for them to keep cool
during fore play. But, they were not caddy in their relationship. 

During anger or otherwise...they pledged not to beat each other with the
antennas from their vehicle, as they realized that was the quickest way to
come down with "van aerial disease". But, considering the atmosphere, I
doubt either was served a "Notice Of Violation"; and all newly married
couples are entitled to some privacy.

But, to celebrate their joyous union in Holy Telephony, they planned to
work the station from the Newfane DX Association out of Ransomville,
New York...with the callsign of N2SEX...November Two Sierra Echo Ex-Ray.

We understand this is one of the best CW stations that one can work,
especially during Field Day. But, for the honeymoon setting, I guess it
could be said that CW stood for "Continuous Whoopee" (hi hi).

Unfortunately, we understand that the time after the honeymoon apparently
wasn't all bliss. Asfor cravings, it wasn't for pickles and ice cream, as
you might think. Ham had to give up eating food, and having 807's around
Radio. This was because he invariably would share the food with her, and
the particles would drop into the ventilation slots, causing Radio to
become rather distorted in her speaking...and quite ill at times. That
usually led to morning sickness, which was a common occurrence...but not
what you would think.

It always happened between midnight and midday...but was more so
concentrated between just shortly after midnight and just before
sunrise. Every time just as the overnight, juicy, elusive, high
priority DX, or prized Dxpedition contact was about to be made and
logged, the bands would fail...or Ham would bump Radio with excitement,
and go off of frequency, losing the contact. Even worse, he'd hit the
power switch, and Radio would give him the Silent Treatment in anger.
Both were subject to band and mood changes at the discretion of the
propagationist relatives, which they felt were trying to hurt their
relationship.

Radio was also jealous of the 807's, because of their tubular nature;
but also because Ham had his drink mugs propped up with Beverage
Antennas. Radio threatened to short out the relationship if one of those
got poured on her, because she got too hot, with the exciters.

Exams, and RF safety evaluations, had to be constantly conducted, due to
expansion of each others capabilities, and radio was constantly being
poked, probed, and prodded with antenna analyzers, ammeters, watt meters,
and other such devices.

While waiting for the harmonics to be born, there were some tense
moments. Radio would groan "DX, DX, DX!! That's all you ever think
about!! You probably don't even remember the wedding night"!! 

Ham replied "Not so, my dear. That was Feb. 12, 2012, when you helped me
work X-RayTango One, The Charlie Romeo Zero,The Alpha Charlie Six, and
the rare DXpeditions". Radio had to admit that Ham was right.

After the birth of the harmonics, which was amazingly on a clear
frequency, in room 5-9-9, the harmonics were wrapped in dipoles, to
protect the fragile antennas and knobs. Connectors had to be used to hold
the dipoles in place, otherwise the harmonics would be naturally exposed.

While they had a extended warranty, they had to be sure that the harmonics
were properly immunized, and to protect the family from infection by
parasitic elements. After all, the RF cough and sneeze noise splatter was
considered both messy, and unsanitary.

No word on the intensity or length of the labor process, how many harmonics
there were, their genders, names, or birth weights. That was unavailable at
net time, due to HIPPA regulations...in this case, Harmonic Information
Personal Protection Agreement.

As time passed, the harmonics would be instructed...digitally first...then
in voice. It turned out that Aunt Enna, with her son, Ray Dee Oh, and his
XYL, Olivia, would become trusted babysitters. Olivia was also very
attractive, and a cat lover...which made her purr-RTTY.

Ham and Radio were always having to packet...that is, the case with all the
supplies for the harmonics, whenever they went somewhere. They also had to
be sure that they didn't watch too much slow scan TV...as it was bad for
their displays. However, they learned to speak the frequencies, by number,
and name, rather quickly.

Also, they would have to give the harmonics a QSO party, as the harmonics
aged a year. Many contacts were made, from many modes, with QSL cards of
birthday wishes. Everyone seemed to have a Field Day with these parties.
Entertainment was provided by the digital ensembles of RTTY, JT-65, CW,
PSK31, Packet, and other Open Band Groups. With such a large crowd, the
events were usually outdoors, with participants having to use logs to
sit on. As the event usually went on into the evening hours, illumination
of the activities was brought by several satel lights, which had a wide
coverage area. But, caution had to be used with the evidence of certain
outdoor insects, so everyone was given a timely tick talk.

While the harmonics did learn early on how to be submersible in bathing,
care had to be taken with the dispensing of AC and DC brand juice, so
the parents and harmonics wouldn't float away, or be too emotionally
charged afterwards. Steps were also taken to prevent overheating, due
to extensive transmissions.

Cooking for all of their meals was done in a Digi-Pan, so the family was
well nourished, to say the least. No word on the exact cuisine, but they
did avoid eating ham. And, that was not because of kosher reasons, but
they didn't want to be thought of as cannibalistic. And, no word on if
any of the family had any digestive tract issues to deal with. But, with
rapidly changing technology, the gaseous tubes of their ancestors were
removed via electric surgery long ago.

To keep the family comfortable, all wore telegraphy outfits, the Mores
Coat brand. This also kept the harmonics keyed in to their parents
commands, and their parents were keyed into what the harmonics were doing.
This also kept the family from getting bugs, and becoming ill. The
harmonics were also taught, as their parents were, to constantly greet
their friends, with a CW continuous wave. At night, the shack bedrooms
were illuminated by a soft satel light, with soft JT-65 music helping
everyone rest easier.

Next, the harmonics would learn at 5, 13, and 20 words per week. Then,
they would be graded through five levels of education, Novice, Technician,
General, Advanced, and Amateur Extra. They had to learn good operating
habits, and to avoid being lids...as there were already enough for their
AC and DC brand juice glasses. They also had to listen to Radio, so she
wouldn't have to repeater self on what she said. 

For the sake of privacy, there was no word on the amount of needing
changing of the dipoles, and switching to regular outfits. However, as
noted earlier, they preferred to go natural...especially on outdoor
events. Rumor has it they did learn to QRP rather quickly...probably from
all the AC and DC brand juice that they had been consuming over the years,
to keep from overheating.

As time passed, the family got bonded and grounded to each other. Thoughts
turned to as the harmonics got older, it'd be time to get their licenses,
so they too, could enjoy what their parents had. Every 10 years, ham,
radio, and the harmonics would go in to have their licenses renewed,
even though they wouldn't have to be re-examined in such great detail, as
they were initially.

Unfortunately, medical and other issues would show up every so often, and
they had to go to the AES or HRO clinics for treatment. And, wouldn't you
know it, there was a long wait before they were seen by the staff. However,
the care at the facilities was excellent, as those who worked at the
facilities were very knowledgeable about their work, and they were back at
their QTH's in record time. Thankfully, the need for major surgical
procedures was extremely rare.

No word on the need or extent of prescriptions, except for those to various
amateur radio publications (such as QST and CQ), clubs and organizations
(such as the American Radio Relay League and Courage Kenny Handi-Hams), or
nets (such as the National Traffic System Nets). The Ham Radio Equipment
Insurance sure made paying the medical bills a lot easier.

However, they each had to constantly review Part 97, to be sure they were
in the spirit of amateur radio. But, when harmonic violations did occur,
the Official Observers were diligent in letting their parents know of
them...and the continuous whipping CW paddles were definitely in use on
the harmonics backsides.

It's rumored that the battery fanny packs were removed before the
discipline was administered with the Wouff Hong, Rettysnitch, and
Ugerumph. And, while the harmonics may have felt that the discipline
stung like 10 50 hertz, their parents knew that the warnings before
discipline were always the SAME, and they made sure that the harmonics
wouldn't become tone deaf. And it seemed like the most likely time for the
discipline was to be needed was between 11am and 12 Noon on Wednesdays. 

But, the discipline was not rough enough to the point of making their
signals bleed. And, the noise level of the harmonics in response to the
discipline was not known; and it's none of our business.

The more serious violations required the harmonics to go to court in
west, wearing their Mores Coat outfits. This was because the pink slips
were too skimpy for the sake of decency for the females...not to mention
they especially looked even worse on the males!! One also had to be
careful not to rile E. Hollingsworth, the Enforcement Judge. He had a
reputation of sending scofflaws to Hellschriber as punishment. No word
on how long they had to be there, or if the Wouff Hong, Rettysnitch, and
Ugerumph were in use by the bandwidth demons on the miscreants.

In time, it was time for the harmonics to date and marry...and for them
to follow in the footsteps of their parents. And so, with ham and radio
saying seven three (best wishes) to their harmonics, and eighty eight
(love and kisses) to each other...that is a look at the lives of ham and
radio, and their harmonics.

Ham For The Holidays - The 12 Days Of Hamming 

And now...with a Christmas In July theme...never mind longing for cooler
weather in summer (especially in August in Arkansas), the Cabot
Nightflyers Net is proud to present "Ham For The Holidays".

Using the melody of the song "TheTwelve Days Of Christmas", I've created
a new tune, as it were..."TheTwelve Days Of Hamming". Instead of more ham
radio pun humor, it's now a gift giving scene, with Radio providing gifts
for Ham, and the harmonics...and I'm sure that some may be glad that the
majority of the dry humor is over...at least for now (hi hi).

However, while metrically correct in what will be noted...since any
singing on the airwaves is defined as music...no matter how badly one
sings...and since music is prohibited on the amateur radio frequencies,
as per FCC rules, I obviously can not sing these lyrics on the air, or
with this recording. That even means not even tenor solo...which is ten
or eleven miles away, and so low that no one can hear it (hi hi).

Anyway, each of these are different items that are experienced in the
hobby, and it's by no means an all inclusive list...because there is just
too much in amateur radio to just cover 12 categories.

For each one listed, though...I have included a brief explanation of each
one. This could be for the ham radio operator who has, or wants everything
(hi hi).

On the 1st day of Hamming, my radio gave to me: 

A license, callsign, from the FCC. 

This is obviously needed for one getting on the air in the first place.
Today, the Technician Class license is the entry level license into
amateur radio. Morse Code is no longer required for a ham radio license...
but you can still learn and use the original digital mode, CW...and many
amateur radio operators do just that. But, you no longer have to prove
that you know Morse Code at the license exam session.

There are several options for studying for a ham radio license exam...
which are multiple choice, and can be with, or without schematic diagrams.
If you pass an exam, congratulations. Unlike years ago, when you had to
have the paper copy of your license "in hand" before you transmitted for
the first time...you now can get on the air as soon as your callsign
appears in the FCC ULS database, which can be anywhere from 5 days to
2 weeks or more after the exam session. You're the ONLY one in the world
with that specific callsign.

Depending on the workload of the FCC, you may have your callsign in as
little as 5 days after the exam. But, if it has been more than 2 weeks
since your exam, and you still don't see the callsign, you can call the
Exam Team Leader (Liaison), who can contact the Volunteer Examiner
Coordinator, to find out what the delay is, and get back to you.

Also, as of Feb. 17, 2015, the FCC is NO LONGER ISSUING PAPER LICENSES
to amateur radio operators. However, one will be able to logon to the
FCC ULS website on the internet at http://wireless.fcc.gov/uls with
their Federal Registration Number and password, and either print an
"official copy" for ones shack (and ones wallet), or an "unofficial
reference copy", to show at a future license exam session, if you
decide to upgrade your license, so you can get proper credit.

The default will be an "electronic copy", but if you must have a
"paper copy" mailed to you, you can request such from the FCC ULS
website. For more information on how to get this done, go to
http://www.arrl.org/obtain-license-copy

You won't have a choice in the first callsign that you get...but you
can apply for a new sequential callsign, or choose your own vanity
callsign. The format of the callsign is limited by both the current
license class that you hold, and if such a callsign is available. As
of Sept. 3, 2015, there is no longer a fee required for a vanity
callsign, but there is an 18 to 21 day waiting period (sometimes
longer) once you apply for the vanity callsign, and to when it is
issued. Once the new vanity callsign is issued, your former callsign
is no longer valid for use on the air.

So, before you apply for a vanity callsign, be sure that you want to
CHANGE your current callsign. Note that once you're issued your first
callsign by the FCC, it will NOT change, UNLESS you request such.

Unfortunately, not every amateur radio operator has passed a license
exam on the first try...and for some, it takes a large amount of tries
to pass their exam. However, it must be stressed that there is NO
DISGRACE if you fail an exam. But, once you do pass the exam (even if
just barely), as far as anyone else is concerned...once you have your
callsign, you made a perfect score on the test(s) the first time...and
it's no one else's business on what your score was, how many times it
took you to pass the exam, etc. 

Examinees who are disabled in some way, or who may have learning
disabilities, or other issues...can request special exam accommodations
at the exam session. However, they must contact the Exam Session Leader
as far in advance of the exam session as possible, so proper
arrangements can be made...such as large print exam books, or reading
of the exams to them, with the examinee telling the examiner which
answers to mark on the answer sheet, or even giving a test at the
examinees home. Medical documentation may be required, if the disability
is not obvious.

On the 2nd day of Hamming, my radio gave to me: 

Two license upgrades, and a license, callsign from the FCC. 

Starting with the Technician Class license, the other two licenses
available are General...the one that most hams hold, and the Amateur
Extra Class license.

While Novice and Advanced Class operators a
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