Subj : Re: Condolences, etc. To : David Smith From : Daryl Stout Date : Tue Nov 30 2021 06:54:00 David, DS> Thanks dad was 80 years old. He has been going downhill the past few DS> months. They had been running some tests and stuff. On Monday they DS> talked to the doctor and found out that he had a very aggressive cancer DS> in his kidney. It had already spread pretty bad and the prognosis DS> wasn't very good. They set up an appointment with UAB for the following DS> week. However, two days later on Wednesday he went down fast. They had DS> to rush him to the hospital & he was gone by Sunday night. Condolences on the loss of your Dad. I lost mine nearly 15 years ago to pancreatic cancer...and my wife died not 3 months later. My Mom died of congestive heart failure just over 2 years ago. My Dad only lasted 6 weeks after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and when the nursing home put my Mom in hospice care, she was gone 3 weeks later. She and my Dad had been married just over 54 years when the diagnosis for him came in...I doubt any family has escaped that scourge. My dad was 80 at his death, and my Mom died 3 weeks shy of her 93rd birthday. So, I had nearly 13 years of good times with my Mom. I became her caregiver in the year before I had to put her into a nursing home, and was driving her on errands, grocery shopping, etc. She wanted to help with the groceries when we got back home, and I told her "You sit your butt down in the chair...the roles are reversed, as I'm the caregiver now". Two other cute memories come to mind (there were many of them). One day, we had to get stuff for our computers (I was her computer guru), and we were to eat lunch beforehand (never shop hungry!!). There was a Pizza Hut in the same shopping center as the Office Depot. I asked her where we should go for lunch, and she said "Office Depot". I quipped "Oh, those paper clips give me such gas!!", and we both busted out laughing. When we'd go grocery shopping, I'd have her sit at the pharmacy area, while I took her cart and her list to get her items...then I did my shopping (she paid for everything). When I brought a deal with cheesecake to her, her eyes got as big as dollars (we loved eating that over the years). My brother was nearly killed in a freak motorcycle wreck not 3 months after my wife died. He only had on a pair of shorts, as he went to pass a vehicle going too slow for his liking (he was impatient). A mailbox on the side of the road caught the handlebar of his motorcycle...it stopped, and he flew off of it. He broke his shoulder, ankle, and elbow, plus fractured his hip. He is so bummed up nowadays, that he can barely move. He's lucky to be alive. Seven months prior to my wife's death, her grandmother dropped dead. And, to top it off, nearly 5 months after my wife died, the guy who was best man at my wedding, lost his battle with cancer. Needless to say, the time period from September, 2006 through September, 2007 was a very hard year for me. DS> By the time I got down to the hospital he was pretty much out of it. Dementia also took over for both of them, and they didn't know who anyone was toward the end. My brother has always had a hard time with the issue of mortality, man or beast. But, as the saying goes, "no one is getting out of here alive". I myself know I have more days behind me than ahead of me. Except for the believers on Jesus Christ who are alive and remain at the Rapture Of The Church, who are taken alive to Heaven without experiencing death, everyone else has a destiny with "The Grim Reaper". There is one meme I saw that notes "Death" next to this man, telling him "the expensive item you ordered, that you didn't tell your wife about, was delivered at your house while you were at work, and your wife signed for it. Do you want to go home first, or just come with me now??". Can you say "No Pressure"?? DS> I guess as far as tidbits the main thing is to spend as much time with DS> them while you still have them. Take notes of the stories they tell! I DS> wish I had written down some of the family stories my grandmother used DS> to tell me. Ive noticed my moms gotten a bit forgetful too! :) Agreed. But, after they're gone, you have all the wonderful memories that no one can take away. My Mom and I traveled to the Clive Cussler Collectors Society Conventions several times between 2007 and 2012. She had bought several of his books, and was one of his worldwide followers. Dr. Cussler passed away 6 months after my Mom died. The news of that would've probably given her a heart attack...but at least The Good Lord called her home to Heaven before the bottom fell out with Covid-19. My wife and I were friends for 17 1/2 years before we got married...and we never thought of such, let alone to each other. But, while I dated a couple of women after her death, I never remarried. At this stage of life, folks have "too much baggage", and "there are no more fish in the sea". We never had kids, and my brother is three times divorced, but he never asked for time with the kids. So, basically, both of us are "the last of our line". As for forgetfulness, there are 3 things that fail as we get older. The first is memory ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Darn!! I forgot the other two!! . Then, there's this meme of a man in his 30s talking to a man in his 70s on a park bench. The old man says that "getting old isn't too bad, except for forgetfulness". The old man is there naked as a jaybird (he forgot to get dressed). Seriously, getting old is NOT for sissies. DS> Luckily mom took care of all the bills and stuff and had all the DS> insurance and stuff. My dad had a burial policy (that you can't get DS> anymore Im told) that took care of a majroity of the funeral DS> arrangements. I've started putting together stuff and trying to get all DS> the information I'll need for my mom and trying to keep everything DS> together! My Mom took care of all the finances, power of attorney, etc. for my Dad. But, I had to do such for my Mom, as my brother wanted nothing to do with it. He's one of these that "lives in his own little world"...and all he wanted was his money afterwards. He rarely cooks at home, and goes out to eat with his friends every day...I don't see how he affords it. I've been eating on the cheap for a good while now, and if I don't have to go out, I stay home. I rarely eat breakfast, as I'm rarely up early (except nature and a nightmare woke me this morning)...and I basically eat just lunch (my big meal of the day), and a light snack for dinner. But, I have plenty of medications to take with food. Plus, with the computer, with my hobbies of work with the BBS, ham radio, and square dancing (these are working behind the scenes), I have more than enough to keep me from getting bored. When power is out, or I'm offline for thunderstorms, then it's time to catch up on some sleep...although it's not for beauty's sake...I gave that up long ago. As for my brother, he seems to be like so many in the world today who thinks that "the world revolves around them, and they're entitled to everything". He also wants nothing to do with church or religious things for "all of the hypocrites". I tell folks "Don't worry about MY SINS on Judgment Day. You won't be asked about them". And, I have more than enough on my plate to answer for. To me, every day (and every moment) is a gift...whether for yourself, or time with your loved ones...so cherish every moment that you have. A fellow ham radio operator lost her female roommate to mouth cancer 2 weeks ago (I was friends with both of them), and she's understandably just devastated right now. I've told her that "if you need a shoulder to cry on", etc., to contact me. I've done that for so many folks over the years, but have had no one to do it for me...and doubt I'll ever have that. Yet, it was my late wife who had the Bachelors and Masters degrees in Psychology...I have a Bachelor of Arts in Radio/TV/Film, with a minor in Music. With those 2 degrees my wife had, she had a word for everything, and I should've known better than to mess with her. Being a smart-aleck one night, I told her "My head is so far up my butt, that I can see my throat". Without missing a beat, grinning wryly, she said "that's why your eyes are so brown". Yes, dear...please pass the humble pie and salted crow. :P I'm surprised she didn't tell me "I was a quart low". Check with the funeral home on burial insurance. Mine was through a company called "Forethought Life". While I set up a bare bones funeral with cremation, total cost was over $11,000. They took $150 a month out of my bank account, during a 10 year period. If the individual dies before the deal is paid off, the insurance company picks up the tab for the funeral. Locally, there is a company that offers cremation only for around $800. But, taking care of pre-arrangement for your funeral saves your bereaved loves ones a lot of heartache...as if they didn't have enough already. The money after my Dad's death paid for my wife's funeral, as she hadn't pre-arranged. The money I got after my Mom's death ended up getting a pre-owned car, after hers was totaled in a wreck in early 2021. Someone rear-ended me, and spun me across traffic, where I got hit on the right front. My airbags didn't deploy, and except for shaking from the rush of adrenaline, I walked away from the wreck. But, I ended up getting $9100 of chiropractic care. I wasn't at fault in the wreck, but the guy who was, and his insurance company, were on the hook for the charges. My brother was mad that I deducted the cost of the cremation only from his money, but I told him that "they're not just going to throw your corpse to a landfill". Sadly, if I go before he does, he'll probably commit suicide to avoid the responsibility of things. Daryl .... Zmodem - A modem that has been given a tranquilizer. === MultiMail/Win v0.52 --- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32 * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (454:1/33) .