Subj : Dating Seven of Nine [ humor ] To : All From : jwsdisney Date : Fri May 09 2014 20:19:26 From Newsgroup: alt.tv.star-trek.tos From Address: jwsdisney@bellsouth.net Subject: Dating Seven of Nine [ humor ] I have always wondered how SEVEN OF NINE would react in today's social situations. - So I paraphrased some memorable quotes from VOYAGER episodes, and used them as reactions to a few pickup lines, cliches, and other phrases.. - ** A Man approaches Seven of Nine *** - MAN: Did the sun just come up or did you just smile at me? SEVEN OF NINE: Perhaps your visual subroutines are malfunctioning. - MAN: [handing SEVEN OF NINE some roses] Here's a rose for my beautiful flower. SEVEN OF NINE: Thank you. I'll admire them later. - MAN: I've never met a woman like you before. SEVEN OF NINE: There are no women like me! - MAN: You must be the reason men fall in love. SEVEN OF NINE: Intriguing but implausible. - MAN: You may have noticed that some of the crew seem a bit on edge when you're around. SEVEN OF NINE: I was Borg. I elicit apprehension. - MAN: The lily and the rose are staging a competition on your face. SEVEN OF NINE: Clarify. MAN: The fullness of your lips and the paleness of your cheeks -- it's enough to make a man faint. SEVEN OF NINE: Then, in that case, perhaps we should sit down. - MAN: What do you do with your spare time? SEVEN OF NINE: Regenerate. - MAN: You're funny! SEVEN OF NINE: I understand the concept of humor. It may not be apparent, but I am often amused by human behavior. ** LATER AT DINNER -- ** - SEVEN OF NINE: These nutritional supplements are unacceptable. MAN: What would you like for dinner? SEVEN OF NINE: The consumption of nutritional biomatter. - MAN: I'm a man. You're a woman. SEVEN OF NINE: Is that an observation or a diagnosis? - MAN: Why don't we go back to my apartment? SEVEN OF NINE: Remove your hand or I will remove your arm! MAN: I'll think about it. SEVEN OF NINE: Think quickly. - MAN: Teach me about love. SEVEN OF NINE: Perhaps there's something to be said for assimilation, after all. - MAN: Do you want to make babies? No? Then do you want to practice? SEVEN OF NINE: I am familiar with the physiological processes of sexuality. - SEVEN OF NINE: Nevertheless, I am willing to explore my humanity. Take off your clothes. MAN: Are you coming on to me? SEVEN OF NINE: I assure you, resistance is futile. You must comply. - SOME TIME LATER..... - MAN: Good morning. SEVEN OF NINE: That remains to be seen. - MAN: Was it good for you? SEVEN OF NINE: It was acceptable. - MAN: You're very particular about who you choose to spend time with, Seven. SEVEN OF NINE: You do possess... commendable qualities. - MAN: I want to get to know you. SEVEN OF NINE: Acquiring knowledge is a worthy objective. But its pursuit has obviously not elevated you. - MAN: Don't you realize that I love you? SEVEN OF NINE: An attraction based on sexual desire, one that facilitates procreation. MAN: I guess I'm asking the wrong person. SEVEN OF NINE: Not at all. The Borg have referenced this condition in over 6,000 assimilated species. MAN: Condition? You make it sound like a disease. SEVEN OF NINE: Physiologically, it bears a striking similarity to disease. A series of biochemical responses that trigger an emotional cascade, impairing normal functioning. Get well soon. - [SEVEN OF NINE begins to leave the room] MAN: You are leaving me? SEVEN OF NINE: Simplistic, but accurate. - MAN: But we've only just met! Are you afraid of commitment? SEVEN OF NINE: This debate is pointless. - MAN: But... why are you leaving? SEVEN OF NINE: I must discontinue this activity. I am not well. - MAN: Will I ever see you again, my beautiful angel? SEVEN OF NINE: That is highly unlikely, since religious metaphors are irrelevant. - MAN: Oh, well, I suppose there are more fish in the sea. SEVEN NINE: Perhaps you should confine your efforts to that location. - --- Synchronet 3.15a-Linux NewsLink 1.92-mlp --- SBBSecho 2.12-Linux * Origin: telnet & http://cco.ath.cx - Dial-Up: 502-875-8938 (1:2320/105.1) .