Subj : Kids And Rednecks
To   : All
From : Daryl Stout
Date : Fri Apr 16 2021 00:04:32

Kids Say The Darndest Things

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister...
After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and
kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked
his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so
much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried
in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her
Mom explained it was a child-proof cap, and she'd have to open it for
her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know
it's me?'

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please
don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I
cost?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried, when his Mom asked
what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with
this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while, and then
asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but
his wife looked back, and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked:
'What happened to the flea?'

Overheard during a recent Sunday sermon....'Dear Lord,' the minister
began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his
upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued,
but at that moment, a very obedient child who was listening, leaned over
to her mom, and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old
girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'

***

Rednecks have the lowest stress rate, because they do not understand
the seriousness of most medical terminology. Here are some common
examples.

Artery - The study of paintings

Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria

Barium - What doctors do when patients die

Benign - What you be, after you be eight

Cesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome

Cat Scan - Searching for Kitty

Cauterize - Made eye contact with her

Colic - A sheep dog

Coma - A punctuation mark

Dilate - To live long

Enema - Not a friend

Fester - Quicker than someone else

Fibula - A small lie

Impotent - Distinguished, well known

Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff - A Doctor's cane

Morbid - A higher offer

Nitrates - Rates of Pay for Working at Night

Node - I knew it

Outpatient - A person who has fainted

Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative - A letter carrier

Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery

Rectum - Nearly killed him

Secretion - Hiding something

Seizure - Roman Emperor

Tablet - A small table

Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport

Tumor - One plus one more

Urine - Opposite of you're out
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
 * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.net (1:19/33)

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