Subj : Re: Electricity Explained
To   : Daryl Stout
From : George Pope
Date : Wed Mar 24 2021 07:46:47

 >    Today's scientific questions are "what in the world is electricity??;
 > and "where does it go after it leaves the toaster??".

 >    Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical
 > lesson. On a cool, dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach 
your
 > hand into a friends' mouth, and touch one of his dental fillings. Did you
 > notice how your friend twitched violently and cried out in pain?? This
 > teaches us that electricity can be a very powerful force; but we must 
never
 > use it to hurt others, unless we need to learn an important electrical
 > lesson.

 >    It also teaches us how an electrical circuit works. When you scuffed
 > your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons", which are very small
 > objects that carpet manufacturers weave into carpet, so that they will
 > attract dirt. The electrons travel through your bloodstream, & collect in
 > your finger, where they form a spark that leaps to your friends' filling,
 > then travel down his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the
 > circuit.

 >    AMAZING ELECTRONIC FACT!! If you scuffed your feet long enough without
 > touching anything, you would build up so many electrons that your finger
 > would explode!! But, this is nothing to worry about, unless you have
 > carpeting.

 >    Although we modern persons tend to take our electric lights, radios,
 > mixers, etc. for granted, hundreds of years ago, people did not have any 
of
 > these things; which is just as well, because there was no place to plug
 > them in. Then, along came the first electrical pioneer, Benjamin Franklin,
 > who flew a kite in an electrical storm, & received a serious electrical
 > shock. This proved that lightning was powered by the same force as 
carpets;
 > but it also damaged Franklin's brain so severely, that he started speaking
 > only in incomprehensible maxims, such as "A penny saved is a penny 
earned".
 > Eventually, he had to be given a job running the post office.

 >   After Franklin came a herd of electrical pioneers, whose names have
 > become part of our electrical terminology...such as Myron Volt, Mary
 > Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc. These pioneers conducted 
many
 > important electrical experiments. Among them, Galvani discovered (this is
 > the truth) that when he attached 2 different kinds of metal to the leg of
 > a frog, an electrical current developed and the frogs' leg kicked; even
 > though it was no longer attached to the frog, which was dead anyway.
 > Gilvani's discovery led to enormous advances in the field of amphibian
 > medicine. Today, skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been
 > seriously injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and
 > watch it hop back into the pond just like a normal frog; except for the
 > fact that it sinks like a stone.

 >   But the greatest electrical pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who
 > was a brilliant inventor; despite the fact that he had little formal
 > education, & lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877
 > was the phonograph, which could be found in thousands of American homes,
 > where it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented. But,
 > Edison's greatest achievement came in 1879 when he invented the electric
 > company. Edison's design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple 
electrical
 > circuit; the electric company send electricity through a wire to a 
customer,
 > then immediately gets the electricity back through another wire. Then 
(this
 > is the brilliant part), sends it back to the customer again. This means
 > that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of electricity
 > thousands of times a day, and never get caught; since very few customers
 > take the time to examine their electricity closely. In fact, the last
 > year any new electricity was generated was in 1937; the electric companies
 > have been merely re-selling it ever since; which is why they have so much
 > time to apply for rate increases.

 >   Today, thanks to men like Edison and Franklin, and frogs like Galvani's,
 > we receive almost unlimited benefits from electricity. For example, in the
 > past decade, scientists have developed the laser; an electronic appliance
 > so powerful that it can vaporize a bulldozer 2000 yards away, yet so
 > precise that doctors can use it to perfrom delicate operations to the
 > human eyeball; provided they remember to change the power setting from
 > "Vaporize Bulldozer" to "Delicate".

Very nice! I love these types of twisted history perspectives. . .

Here's some shocking puns & jokes back atya:

“What do electricians chant when they meditate?”

“My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, 
and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”

“A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out! We don’t
serve your kind here.”

“My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory.
Now they’ve gone into liquidation.”

“I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been
carrying. I’m ex-static!”

“What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”

“What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”

“Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was
shocked.”

“A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, “why the
long phase?”

“A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to
the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”

“People asked me how it feels when you stick your finger in an electrical
outlet? To be honest, it Hertz.”

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
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