Subj : Re: Physician magazine
To   : Daryl Stout
From : George Pope
Date : Thu Feb 04 2021 22:53:09

Daryl;

 >  GP> 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
 >  GP> and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big 
breaths,'
 >  GP> I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' Replied the patient.

 >   Or, "yeth thir, and I'm only thixteen". :P

I heard it originally as only firteen. . .

 >  GP> 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
 >  GP> her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than
 >  GP> five minutes later, I heard her reporting to
 >  GP> the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

 >   That'll do it.

Close enough -- likely scared the life out of himself!

 >  GP> 4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
 >  GP> cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
 >  GP> with one of his medications.'Which one?' I asked. 'The patch.' 'The
 >  GP> Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
 >  GP> out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered 
what
 >  GP> I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his
 >  GP> body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before
 >  GP> applying a new one. 

 >   If one rolls the nicotine patch too tight, it won't light.

Stop telling lies.  They will, too, & burn longer, too. . .

 >  GP> 6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while
 >  GP> checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this
 >  GP> morning?' 'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
 >  GP> to get used to the taste,' Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly
 >  GP> and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

 >   There goes my appetite...maybe it needs to go with blue grass. :P

Blue grass, but not the brown acid. . .

 >  GP> 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with
 >  GP> purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
 >  GP> tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
 >  GP> determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
 >  GP> scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on
 >  GP> the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been
 >  GP> dyed green and above it there was a Tattoo that read . . .' Keep off
 >  GP> the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short
 >  GP> note on the patient's dressing, Which said, 'Sorry . . . Had to mow 
the
 >  GP> lawn.'

 >   It'll itch like the dickens when it starts growing back. Seriously, the
 > bacteria love hairy, dark, moist areas.

The point being is it isn't hairy any more. . .

 >  GP> 8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
 >  GP> embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.To cover my
 >  GP> embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
 >  GP> The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly
 >  GP> burst out laughing, further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work
 >  GP> and sheepishly said . . .. ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She
 >  GP> replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . .
 >  GP> ..' No doctor but the song you were whistling was, ' I wish I was an
 >  GP> Oscar Meyer Wiener.' 

 >   LOL!!

Freud is snickering.

 >  GP> 9. Baby's First Doctor Visit This made me laugh out loud. I hope it
 >  GP> will give you a smile! A woman and a baby were in the doctor's
 >  GP> examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's 
first
 >  GP> exam.The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, 
and
 >  GP> being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or
 >  GP> bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied. 'Well, strip down to your
 >  GP> waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed,
 >  GP> kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional 
and
 >  GP> detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor
 >  GP> said,'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.' 
'I
 >  GP> know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm sure glad I came.

 >   ROFL!! Wow!! :D

Grandma got a new story for the ladies down at the beauty parlour!

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
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