Subj : Re: Physician magazine To : George Pope From : Daryl Stout Date : Wed Feb 03 2021 19:02:00 George, GP> 1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'My wife's going to have her GP> baby in ...the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted GP> the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I GP> noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one. A case of mistaken indemnity. GP> 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly GP> and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' GP> I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' Replied the patient. Or, "yeth thir, and I'm only thixteen". :P GP> 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that GP> her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than GP> five minutes later, I heard her reporting to GP> the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.' That'll do it. GP> 4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his GP> cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble GP> with one of his medications.'Which one?' I asked. 'The patch.' 'The GP> Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running GP> out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what GP> I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his GP> body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before GP> applying a new one. If one rolls the nicotine patch too tight, it won't light. GP> 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How GP> long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she GP> answered,' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was GP> alive.' Oh, boy. GP> 6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while GP> checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this GP> morning?' 'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem GP> to get used to the taste,' Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly GP> and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.' There goes my appetite...maybe it needs to go with blue grass. :P GP> 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with GP> purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of GP> tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly GP> determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was GP> scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on GP> the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been GP> dyed green and above it there was a Tattoo that read . . .' Keep off GP> the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short GP> note on the patient's dressing, Which said, 'Sorry . . . Had to mow the GP> lawn.' It'll itch like the dickens when it starts growing back. Seriously, the bacteria love hairy, dark, moist areas. GP> 8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite GP> embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.To cover my GP> embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. GP> The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly GP> burst out laughing, further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work GP> and sheepishly said . . .. ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She GP> replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . GP> ..' No doctor but the song you were whistling was, ' I wish I was an GP> Oscar Meyer Wiener.' LOL!! GP> 9. Baby's First Doctor Visit This made me laugh out loud. I hope it GP> will give you a smile! A woman and a baby were in the doctor's GP> examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first GP> exam.The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and GP> being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or GP> bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied. 'Well, strip down to your GP> waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, GP> kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and GP> detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor GP> said,'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.' 'I GP> know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm sure glad I came. ROFL!! Wow!! :D Daryl .... Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got. === MultiMail/Win v0.52 --- SBBSecho 3.11-Win32 * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.net (1:19/33) .