Subj : Metric Dozen for 11-Junuary (not a typo)
To   : All
From : George Pope
Date : Sun Jun 11 2023 08:19:24

Welcome to another edition of the Metric Dozen Punnies & Funnies, personally  curated by yours truly, the Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM.

Please do comment as to which you loved & which you hated. . . 

Also, at any time, let me know if you're done with receiving these. Because  you're a mate, I won't even charge you my usual $19.00 cancelation fee! ;) 

-= 1 =-
Heard on AM1060 Calgary Comedy Radio: Larry the Cable Guy  was on a bus, went to the back to take a crap, &  discovered there was no toilet paper, after he'd finished, so he went to the  front of the bus & told the driver, "There ain't no toilet paper back there."

The driver replied, "There ain't no toilet on this bus!"

He was madder than an albino trying to hitchhike in a snowstorm.

-= 2 =-
Jeff Foxworthy on Calgary AM1060 24/7 comedy radio: "Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to gat a little bag of  peanuts!"

-= 3 =-
I consulted my Psychic Gauze Pad about Trump's trial: "What will happen if he's found guilty?"

PG: On his first night, his giant cellmate will offer to show him why it's  called 'The Pokey'"

-= 4 =-
If you rarely drive on snow, just pretend you're taking your grandma to church.
 
There's a platter ofbiscuits and two gallons of sweet tea in glass jars in the  back seat.  She's wearing a newdress and holding a crock pot full of gravy.

-= 5 =-
Q: how do you describe the process of a Buddhist converting to Confucianism? A: that' was Zen, this is Tao.

-= 6 =-
One I heard last night on "The Great American Joke Off":

Q: in the US, it's called an eggplant; what is it called in Canada? A: a chicken 

-= 7 =-
Just being silly:

Q: Which 1970s' tv cop could deodorize a stinky room? A: Airwick Estrada 

-= 8 =-
A old favourite ofmine from the early '90s:

        
In a recent magazine poll, readers established "waka" as the proper  pronunciation for the angle-bracket characters < or >. The following poem  appeared recently in the magazine.

The text of the poem follows:

< > ! * ' ' #
^ " ` $ $ -
! * = @ $ _
% * < > ~ # 4
& [ ] . . /
| { , , SYSTEM HALTED

The poem can only be appreciated by reading it aloud, as such:

Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash, Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash, Bang splat equal at dollar under-score, Percent splat waka waka tilde number four, Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash, Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH!

-= 9 =-
Every fight's a food fight when you're a cannibal
  --Dmitri Martin
'
-= 10 =-
Time for me to write a dad joke, inspired by a recent dictionarycom contest's  parameters:

Q: Why did the dictionary cross the road?

A: The chicken needed to clarify how a man could be laying bricks over there.


--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
 * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

.