Subj : Metric Dozen To : All From : George Pope Date : Fri Apr 07 2023 13:04:28 Welcome to another edition of the Metric Dozen Punnies & Funnies, personally curated by yours truly, the Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM. Please do comment as to which you loved & which you hated. . . Also, at any time, let me know if you're done with receiving these. Because you're a mate, I won't even charge you my usual $19.00 cancellation fee! ;) -= 1 =- Q: What was the mathematical acorn's first word, twenty years after falling from his parent? A: Geometry ("Gee, I'm a tree!") -= 2 =- Funny clean comic; he hits the points just right -- beautiful timing throughout "I am an Idiot" -- Ken Davis full show https://youtu.be/PP-NdFvRBEI -= 3 =- Redd Foxx on why he likes women over the age of 40: They don't yell, they don't tell, they don't swell, & they're grateful as hell. -= 4 =- Some ethnic jokes reworded Shout out to Prime Minister Justin True-Dope of Canada Q: Did you hear about the politician Santa Claus? A: He showed up for Easter! Q: How many politicians do you need to shingle your roof? A: Just 9, if you slice them real thin & just one more. . . An Irishman, an Italian and a politician are on death row, awaiting electrocution. The warden takes the first man, and asks him if he has any last words. He says, 'I'm innocent. Perhaps years from now, evidence will show I"m telling the truth'. The warden says, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what they all say. I was hoping you would say something so that the family of the man that you killed, would have some closure'. They strap the Irishman into the chair, and the warden tells them to throw the switch. Nothing happens. The executioner wiggles the handle, throws the switch again, nothing. The warden comes down, and says, 'That was a million to one chance; but, you know the rules, you survived the execution, so you will now go free'. The Irishman is ecstatic, gets up shakes the warden's hand, and says, 'See, I told you! God has saved me because I'm innocent! I will dedicate the rest of my life, to helping spread the word of god, I will only do good works from now on Thank you, sir, I'm very lucky to have had this second chance in life'. Then they walk the Italian in; again the warden asks if he has any final words. The Italian says, 'I'm an innocent; yoosa making a big mistake'. The warden shakes it off, and says, 'Yeah, I've heard that one before'. They strap him into the chair, and throw the switch. Again, nothing, again and again. The warden comes in, and says, 'This is amazing; this the second time in a row that this has happened; it has to be a billion to one chance. It must be a sign from god that you're telling the truth. I'm sorry I doubted you. You may go free'. The Italian gets up, joyful, tear in his eyes, and says, 'Thanka you thanka you thanka you! I'a wasa so ascared, anda yet, chance hasa smiled ona me! He gets up and leaves. Then they bring in the politician. The warden again asks, 'Do you have any final words?' The politician says, 'Yes. But first, look, that chair is unplugged'. -= 5 =- Got my sister's whole family with my dumb owl joke, with a bonus follow up groaner Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl. Sisters kids: Who? WHO? Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT! cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad Me: I'm a faux pas. -= 6 =- A Cyberpope original: Q: What's a duck's favourite actor? A: AFFLECK! -= 7 =- Q: What's the difference between coffee and urine? A: About 35 minutes -= 8 =- Responding to a Christian spouse that says, during an argument, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Then you say, "Jesus is my Lord and I am SANCTIFIED!" as you crack them across the head with a 2-pound rock! -= 9 =- "A lot of sh** went between them; they were apart for a long time, but now they are back together." "Who, Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston?" "Nope, my butt cheeks." -= 10 =- Saw these ladies on Montreal's Just for Laughs this week & rather liked the tune & the silly funniness of the traditional English poem set to folk-y music: https://genius.com/Flo-and-joan-lady-in-the-woods-live-lyrics (scroll to bottom to find vid link or go to the YouTube vid: https://youtu.be/_EzdloMKkDg --- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6 * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757) .