Subj : Metric Dozen
To   : All
From : George Pope
Date : Fri Nov 25 2022 08:37:14

Welcome to another edition of the Metric Dozen Punnies & Funnies, personally  curated by yours truly, the Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM.

Please do comment as to which you loved & which you hated. . . 

Also, at any time, let me know if you're done with receiving these. Because  you're a mate, I won't even charge you my usual $19.00 cancelation fee! ;) 

-= 1 =-
Two for the skin doctors:

Asked the dermatologist if it's possible to transplant hairy donkey skin onto a human's head?  Ass skin for a friend. . .

Q: What's a dermatologist's favourite legwear? A: SKINny jeans

-= 2 =-
Q: What has 10 eyes, 10 ears, 10 legs, 10 arms and 10 teeth?  A: 5 meth addicts

-= 3 =-
During breakfast, my wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with  twitter. 

I nearly choked on my #brown.

-= 4 =-
My body's just ran out of magnesium.

0mg!

-= 5 =-
~# via J. Harris, in Fidonet's FUNNY #~

"We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle, and if the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a nickel. By the time I was 14, I owned my own house." --Gene Perret, Classic One-Liners RD Issue: June 1997

-= 6 =-
Q: What's black and white, and red all over?

A: a sunburnt nun with a newspaper, riding a blushing zebra. 

-= 7 =-
A man went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an  affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost? The man said, 'Well, we got  undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped! The priest said, Rubbing  together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For  your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box!

The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the  poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You  didn't put any money in the poor box!

The man replied, Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you,  that's the same as putting it in!

-= 8 =-
Two from Quora's "Jokes, Humour & Funny stories [lack of Oxford comma SIC]

I was driving drunk last week and ran over a pig, I told my mate and he said  not to worry about it, he said shit happens, I said ôOh, thatÆs cool, now what  shall I do with his motorbike?ö

My neighbour said to his wife, ôThese crab paste sandwiches just donÆt taste  right, where did you get the crab paste?ö And she said, ôFrom the chemistö  ("from the pharmacy" elsewhere in the world)

-= 9 =-
Do you have ARADD (Age-Related Attention Deficit Disorder) like this guy?

I needed to do the laundry,

but then I realized I was out of detergent,

so I went to write a shopping list and realized how unorganized the junk drawer was,

and started checking pens for ink.

When I went to toss all the junk,

I saw that the trash was full but before I took it out I wanted to get rid of  old food in the fridge.

That's when I realized a juice jug had leaked so I needed to clean it up but  when I went to grab a rag,

I saw that the pantry closet was a nightmare so I started organizing it.

And that's how I ended up on the floor looking at my old photo albums from  1990's and not doing laundry.

-= 10 =-
Q: What language does Santa Claus speak? A: Polish (as in North Polish)

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
 * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

.