Subj : Metric Dozen To : All From : George Pope Date : Wed Oct 19 2022 13:55:46 Welcome to another edition of the Metric Dozen Punnies & Funnies, personally curated by yours truly, the Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM. Please do comment as to which you loved & which you hated. . . Also, at any time, let me know if you're done with receiving these. Because you're a mate, I won't even charge you my usual $19.00 cancelation fee! ;) -= 1 =- ~# from the world-famous ICE-Man: #~ The mayor of Phoenix was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Phoenix . He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Phoenix was full of pigeon poop. The people of Phoenix could not walk on the sidewalks, or drive on the roads. It was costing a fortune to keep the streets and sidewalks clean. One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition. 'I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without any cost to the city. But, you must promise not to ask me any questions, or you can pay me one million dollars to ask one question.' The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free proposition.. The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat, and released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue Arizona sky. All the pigeons in Phoenix saw the blue pigeon and gathered up in the air behind the blue pigeon. The Phoenix pigeons followed the blue pigeon as she flew southward out of the city. The next day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall. The Mayor was very impressed. He felt the man and the blue pigeon had performed a wonderful miraculous feat to rid Phoenix of the plague of pigeons. Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for 1 million dollars and told the man that, indeed, he did have a question to ask and even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the 1 million just to get to ask ONE question. The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his ONE question. Do you think the Mayor is going to ask how the blue pigeon led all the pigeons away? Do you think the Mayor is going to ask where all the pigeons went? Do you think He is going to ask where the man got the blue pigeon? Nooooooo! This will get a smile out of you! The mayor asked: "Do you have a blue Mexican?" -= 2 =- Also from ~# ICEMan @~ Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time." The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All this time we've been setting our clock by your whistle. -= 3 =- Q: What is the slowest & most painful way to die? A: Life. -= 4 =- Little bit of edgy today, for those who prefer their humour just SLIGHTLY on the blue side: Q: Why are 0 and 1 the only numbers with genders? A: All the others are non-binary My new favourite: Q: What do you get when cross a gun with the female pudenda? A: A re-vulva In the UK "tuppence" refers to a small amount of money and is shorthand for a woman's pussy. In the US Trump-Pence involves a lot of money and describes a pair of d*cks. (Mr. Nixon must be proud) -= 5 =- At a Long Island house party, a chap invited an attractive girl to go fishing with him on the Sound. After an hour without any luck, he asked, "Do you think we ought to try chumming?" His companion, a novice at fishing, looked toward the house on the distant shore, then replied, "We might as well. They can't see us from there." --John C. Miller RD Issue: July 1957 -= 6 =- King Charles will not make as many foreign visits as Queen Elizabeth did. Because the Queen could go any distance but the King can only move one space at a time. -= 7 =- Terrible night. Dreamt something bit me on the neck. Got up to check, but the mirror wasn't working. -= 8 =- In medieval times, people used to attach a lamp to a horse when riding at night. This is the earliest known form of saddle light navigation. -= 9 =- Accidentally drunk a bottle of invisible ink. I'm now in hospital waiting to be seen. -= 10 =- IÆve just joined a dating group for arsonists. ItÆs great; they send me new matches every day. --- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6 * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757) .