Subj : Things To Ponder To : Daryl Stout From : George Pope Date : Wed Aug 03 2022 00:30:06 Good stuff! I'm leaving it intact so others who only read replies can sees it.. . :) It deserves resharing! > From the August, 2022 issue of "The Radiogram", the newsletter of the PCARS > (Portage County Amateur Radio Club) in Ravenna, Ohio. Tom "Parky" Parkinson, > KB8UUZ, is the Editor. We always appreciate fair credit/citation where it's due & when it's known. > * Whoever said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over > and over again and expecting different results has obviously never had to > reboot a computer. Yup, good example of that rule of thumb going into the round file! > * Autocorrect can go straight to he'll. > * Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were > Prime mates. & Prime Apes! > * Don't use "beef stew" as a computer password. It's not stroganoff. > * Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe? > A. "I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions." Yup. . . I expect all are basically, "You must comply with common sense & respect expectations & we must comply with any laws that are in effect. Read carefully, as we might have a few doozies hidden in all the obfuscative boilerplate. > * Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?! I'm now calling my little battery charge holders AJs. . . > * Q. How does a computer get drunk? > A. It takes screenshots. I take screenshots of government computers & email to myself, then drink shots to celebrate my upcoming payday! > * I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me > I wasn't putting in enough shifts. > * We'll we'll we'll...if it isn't autocorrect. "There, their, they're," what to say as you pat the back of an upset Grammar Nazi > * I tried to say, "I'm a functional adult," but my phone changed it to > "fictional adult," and I feel like that's more accurate. Me, too! I'm living in this Ficton(setting for a fictional story/series) -- no i9dea h ow closely it relates to everyone else's Fictons &/or alternative realities. . . > * I saw a driver texting and driving. It made me so mad I threw my beer > at him. > * Thanks to autocorrect, 1 in 5 children will be getting a visit from > Satan this Christmas. Well: * both dress in red * both come from a place of fire (fireplace or Hell) * both seek to usurp God's rightful role in the world * St. Nick, Old Nick > * Autocorrect has become my worst enema. > * The guy who invented auto-correct for smart phones passed away today. > Restaurant in peace. Lots of good ones out there; I've Collected hundreds in image(screen-captures) format.. . > * You're sending me something via fax? What is it, an important document > from 1993? It's very sensitive info, so please fold it in half to hide the content before faxing. . . > * You know it is going to be a bad day when the letters in your alphabet > soup spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R. My bologna has a last name, it's D-I-A-R-R-H-E-A. My bologna has a first name, it's R-U-N-N-Y > * A fire hydrant has H-2-O on the inside and K-9-P on the outside. > * Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar? He got twelve months. > * Q. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? > A. I don't know and I don't care. > * Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law? He was given > two consecutive sentences. > * I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming. > * So what if I don't know what "Armageddon" means? > It's not the end of the world. In Hebrew it's the name spelled out by the Hebrew for 666. > * I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, > then it dawned on me. My ex used to move around a lot in bed at night in her sleep -- I was often waking up at the crack of Dawn. > * Velcro - what a rip-off! > * Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do. What if there were no rhetorical questions? > * I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing > was gathering dust. > * 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. No, I'm not fat. > I'm just not on the right planet. > * The best thing about good old days is that we were neither good nor old. NOSTALGIA(n): the art of remembering the 5c cigars, but forgetting the 7c wages. > * If we shouldn't eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge? > * Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud. That brings to mind an old song: Five Constipated Men There were five, five, constipated men In the Bible, in the Bible There five, five, constipated men In the five books of Moses The first, first, constipated man Was Cain, he wasn't Abel The first, first, constipated man Was Cain, he wasn't Abel CHORUS The second, second constipated man Was Balaam, he couldn't move his ass The second, second constipated man Was Balaam, he couldn't move his ass CHORUS The third, third, constipated man Was Moses, he took two tablets The third, third, constipated man Was Moses, he took two tablets CHORUS The fourth, fourth, constipated man Was Solomon, he sat for forty years The fourth, fourth, constipated man Was Solomon, he sat for forty years CHORUS The fifth, fifth constipated man Was Samson, he brought the house down The fifth, fifth constipated man Was Samson, he brought the house down CHORUS (actually, there were six: The sixth, sixth constipated man Was Titus. His name speaks for itself) > * One of the shortest wills ever written: "Being of sound mind, I spent > all the money." That's ine, including, "I had to earn whatever I have & I'm not so cruel as to deny doing so to all of you." > * When my 85-year-old father was in the hospital, his doctor, trying to > determine Dad's mental state, asked, "What gets you up in the morning?" > My father shrugged. "Probably the same thing as everyone. I have to go > to the bathroom." Better than only getting up to have the nurses change the sheets > * If the local coffee shop has awarded you "Employee of the Month" and > you don't even work there, you may be drinking too much coffee. Been close. . . --- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6 * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757) .