Subj : Re: Disorder In The Court To : Daryl Stout From : George Pope Date : Thu Mar 31 2022 06:56:20 > I heard of a guy who was attending Baylor University in Waco, Texas. He > was going to become an attorney...but changed his major as "he could not be > with a job that lied all the time". As the tagline notes: > "Jury: A group of 12 deciding which person has the best lawyer". I've heard that, too, & quote it on occasion. > Practically. I remember during the voir dire of one jury I was to > be seated on, they were dealing the concept of "accomplice liability". > The scenario was a bank robbery...obviously the guy with the gun is > guilty, as is the guy driving the getaway car. But, when the prosecutor > asked "what about the guy sitting at home, who planned it??". I raised > my hand, and said "His hand is in the pie as much as the others". To > which, the defense attorney shouted "Objection!! May we approach the > bench??"...and they asked that "Mr. Stout be excused". I thanked them, > wished them good day...and as I soon I exited the courthouse, I was > in guffaws. If they knew I had a course in criminal justice in > college, they would've wanted me out of there instantly, because "I > knew too much". Yup. Can't have anyone in the jury who can see through the legal flimflam skit being put on. > I liked the one where this guy said "I'm tired of being on welfare and > the public teat...I want to get a real job". The unemployment officer said > "Today's your lucky day...I've got just the job for you!!. You work on this > cruise ship, traveling the world, and get paid for satisfying the lusts and > desires of the female crew!!". > Incredulous, the guy said "You're [kidding] me!!". To which, the officer > said "Well, you started it!!" One of my favourite stories to tell when on the subject of chronic welfarians. (meaning the ones who have the option to work instead, of course) > For sure. If it sounds too good to be true, it is. Yup. They play another game now -- they price their junk at a higher price than the good stuff, as people think higher price mneans better quality (not any more). My bottom line in this & life is: Everything is negotiable. > I can't remember the last time I had a memory problem. You, too, eh? > To him, passing the bar exam is to see how much he can guzzle, and stay > serfectly pober . *seem sober. >> Judge sex: >> She offered her honour. >> He honored her offer >> Then all night long >> It was on 'er & off 'er. > Better fight than switch?? :P Too much switch hitting these days. . . In this era of one night stands, I would consider actual sex to be first date information. I'm waiting or People's Court to have a guy & a "girl" on, with him suing for half the date's cost, as there was no way he'd be taking it out in trade with another guy. & two guys split the costs when hanging out. Judge would ask if questionswere asked or falsehoods explicitly made,& dismiss the case for lack of tangible evidence, as assumptions are not admissible in court. If I were the judge I'd add, "Haha, you dumbass, your name is getting published! >> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? >> WITNESS: Are you [kidding] me? >> I need to know WTH the lawyer was thinkng in that question. The only >> possible explanation was it was a picture of someone else that the >> witness owned)the photo, not the someone else, necessarily) > Nowadays, stuff can be photoshopped. True enough -- that may have been the intent for that question. But sounds funier taken out of context. > There was a meme of this hairy armed and legged guy, with a beard, > dressed like a woman, wanting to enter the ladies restroom. Two big > bad burly cowboys are there on guard dury, and the sign they have notes > "If you're NOT a woman going in, you WILL be when you come out". Can you > say "No pressure??" . I like it! Too bad it's not more like that in real life. One little(not so little) weasel up here was suing hair alons for not giving him the female "lower body wax" (aka a "Brazilian") because he identified as a woman he said itwas sexual discrimination; the judge, thankfully, threw it out & identified that he was trolling. Ick, right? He was also known to hangout in female change rooms of public pools & offer to help 12yo girls learn how to correctly insert a tampon! I think word got to him that he was going to look less like a male when certain people got through with him, using a pair of garden scissors, as he kind of faded into the woodwork. > 30 lashes with a wet ethernet cable. Although, if your wife decides > to get kinky, it may get raised to 60. Don't begiving her ideas now! >> "Order! Order in the courtroom!" So I said, "A pastrami on rye, >> please." (actually I requested a reuben on punmpernickel, but I ended >> up getting a pastrami on rye) > Hold the onions, and add mustard. I dno't mind somefresh crisp & spicy onions, but in large crunchy pieces >> Q: What do you call a small courtroom? A: Trial size. > With many lawyers making $1000+ an hour, it's NOT a "free trial". Thus the trial size. . . :) It's freefor the winner up here in civil cases. If you suefor an amount higher than is awarded, you're responsible for the costs. We dno't get those crazu multi million dollar goofball lawsuits wasting the courts' time any more. & we cut the lergs out from under lawyers cashing in on divorce strife by making BC all about community proprertyy -- 50/50, period, unless proof exists it should be different. My friend, recently deceased, was on that panel of lawyers & judges, pushing for this. > ... Bulldozers: People who sleep through political speeches. Guilty. --- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6 * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757) .